Entering a relationship when my partner can’t handle me having kids

[Stormchaser500]

Hello everyone, longs story short I parted with my wife over a year ago and I have two young kids aged 4 and 9. I have met someone else who’s never been married or had kids as she said she never met the right person she wanted a family with. We’ve been seeing each other for 5 months now and speak every day but she lives 160 miles from me so we don’t get to spend much time together. She says she’s never felt this way about anyone before and she would like to start a family with me. We have arranged that I will move down to where she lives in Cornwall and will see my kids as often as I can which would hopefully be for two weekends a month. The issue is that because I have been married and have kids she feels that we couldn’t do any of that because I’ve done it before, she doesn’t know if she can have kids because of reproductive health problems either. She wants to see past it and have a life with me but she can’t get over my kids. I’ve suggested seeing a specialist and as I’ve said that me having kids won’t encroach on our lives together as I will be away from her when I see them. It just seems like there’s no moving past this and I don’t know what else to suggest

Then you need to say your kids will always be welcome in your home and your life and they'll be your priority no matter what and if she doesn't want them around or to be part of theirs and she can't cope with a blended family (if you have one with her) then she can't be with you and you'll give her some space to think about what she wants but you can't compromise on your kids.

I hope this thread gives you a kick up the arse. Put your kids first. They didn't get to chose their dad but you chose to have them. Don't damage them by abandoning them to get your end away in some new woman. They won't forgive you. My dad did it and I stopped seeing him at 14 and we now have a pretty distant relationship, Christmas / birthday cards and family gatherings. He's met his grandson once. He's poorly now and getting older, I make more effort as he's clearly remorseful for the decisions he made but the damage can't be repaired.

This can't be for real.

So you're going to barely see your kids so you can keep someone you've only known for 5 months happy?

What are you going to do when they come and stay with you for half terms and holidays? Do you have a handy basement you can lock them in so they're out of the way? Or are you planning for your ex to do 99% of the parenting?

You'd better hope your ex doesn't meet someone who would prefer that she didn't have children and take a leaf out of your book (or get run over by a bus...tell her to be careful crossing the road!!). Or those kids will be on their way down to Cornwall before you can bat an eyelid and there goes your cosy new relationship.

If this is real then wtf

Walk away dude if you give any thought to your children this would be a disaster

@dogmandu

He sounds a total failure as a father but she sounds worse. She can't get over his kids! The demands she making class her as the worst kind of stepmother. How come he can't see that? Poor kids.

No, she doesn't sound worse in the slightest. He's said nothing about her making demands, just that she can't get past it emotionally.

Stop saying that women who don't get/like their partner's responsibility to their kids are worse than men who are actual parents who don't get/like their own responsibility to their kids. It's misogynistic.

Your relationship with her is incompatible with your kids. Unfortunately for you, they come first.

You're absolutely right there's no moving past it. Time to end this relationship.

Is this a reverse?
Written by the kids' mum?
Noone can be so u insightful of their own failings.
There must be greater depth to the emotions and considerations involved.
But yes I'd worry for the kids.
Unless contact is already set at only every 2 weeks at your request. And you're fuming because instead of being miserable at eg his parents' house he's creating a new life somewhere else.
We can't advise or help unless you write h9nestly

Oh ya, I had this conundrum. Broke up from my husband and can't really be arsed to muck in with parenting so I'm off to live with my new bit of fluff. Might see the 3 kids a couple of times a month if it doesn't upset the boyf too much and if the ex makes it super easy for me. It's hard for the new chunk of hunk competing for my affection with the 3 children who have only ever known having me with them every day and seem to think I'm attached to them. People wonder how I can just abandon my kids, but onwards and upwards you know? I can make shiny new kids by the sea!

There’s a part of me that thinks your kids would be better off with you as far away from them as possible. So crack on with this Cornish drama llama...

But seriously, get a grip. Grow up and start behaving like an adult and get back to your first job of parenting your kids. You are entitled to pursue other relationships but you can’t just swan off and fit your kids in around it. The fact you are even considering this makes you a twat.

Is this like, a kink thing? You want us to tell you what a bad, bad man you are? 😆

@Umberellatheweatha

Dont be a twat.

You're picking some woman you barely know from the internet who is already indicating she might create tension because you have kids...over your own kids.

You already have a family: Your children. Stay near them. This woman sounds like she has drama and strife written all over her.

This. Children first, always.

@ElaborateSalad

Oh, fuck off.

👍👍😂😂👌👌👌 Sometimes I love mn mums!

😱😱😱 I'm not sure what to even comment on, a man who would walk away from his children for a woman he barely knows or a woman that would want such an undesirable creature 🤮

Fuck off you utter plonker.

First - If you have kids with this woman then you will potentially have 3+ children. All siblings and she will have to accept that and all the children have a right to know each other and their father.

2- why the fuck are planning to abscond from the vast majority of your duty as a father by moving 200miles away? Don’t be that dick. Be a father for your children. Be PRESENT. You can’t turn up to a mid week parents evening, play they star in, football game they play if you’re that far away. Ffs what are you thinking?

3 - why the hell would you want to be with anyone who won’t accept your kids? If your mother/father/aunt wouldn’t accept your kids would you bend over backwards? The fuck you would. You would tell those people to grow the hell up and accept you have children and to not be an arse.

You need to fuck this woman off for trying (or baby you’re willing and happy she appears to be) pull you away from your children.

4 - if the sexes were reversed I’d say the exact same thing.

Dont be a twat.

Troll or reverse? Because if this is legit- you're an absolute arse. Leaving your kids, that young and that soon after the relationship breakup is pretty selfish and disgusting behaviour

Boy oh boy, what a thumping reality check @Stormchaser500 has had on this thread!! Totally unanimous. Guess we won't be hearing from him again!!!

No man could be this much of a shit Dad, surely? Has to be a joke post.

And what are you going to do if you do have kids with this woman? Stop seeing your current kids? Leave her to look after your new kids alone 2 weekends every month, bet she wont like that. Its been 5 month, call it a day.
If either of my parents moved away like that when they got divorced it would have sent a clear message to me that they don't care and i think i would have started refusing contact myself!

ODFOD.

Don’t know why everyone is urging you to stay near your children. You’re probably not a massive loss to them. Go and shack up with this woman. Give it a go. Just make sure you pay some child maintenance

Are you getting off on this in some kinky way? You don't even know the woman!

Let me give you some help: Think with your brain, not your penis.