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Original poster

Entering a relationship when my partner can’t handle me having kids

165 replies

Stormchaser500 · 19/05/2021 10:09

Hello everyone, longs story short I parted with my wife over a year ago and I have two young kids aged 4 and 9. I have met someone else who’s never been married or had kids as she said she never met the right person she wanted a family with. We’ve been seeing each other for 5 months now and speak every day but she lives 160 miles from me so we don’t get to spend much time together. She says she’s never felt this way about anyone before and she would like to start a family with me. We have arranged that I will move down to where she lives in Cornwall and will see my kids as often as I can which would hopefully be for two weekends a month. The issue is that because I have been married and have kids she feels that we couldn’t do any of that because I’ve done it before, she doesn’t know if she can have kids because of reproductive health problems either. She wants to see past it and have a life with me but she can’t get over my kids. I’ve suggested seeing a specialist and as I’ve said that me having kids won’t encroach on our lives together as I will be away from her when I see them. It just seems like there’s no moving past this and I don’t know what else to suggest

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 19/05/2021 16:12

"Seeing a specialist"

Anyone else think her fertility issues will disappear when she has him separated from his kids

user7891011 · 19/05/2021 16:27

Ew Ew and Ew. Your poor kids

confused1974 · 19/05/2021 17:04

People normally post dilemmas or questions. Luckily for you there's no dilemma here. Bin the woman and please focus on your children.

Joy69 · 19/05/2021 17:26

So you've agreed this with the kids Mum have you? I know you're not together, but isn't she entitled to time out too? Kids are hard work, even when they are heading towards 18. I think if there's a way of ruining your relationship with your kids this is it. If she's worth it( I suspect she won't be)crack on, but don't expect Dad of the year medals Angry

Takelongwalksandwaitfordogs · 19/05/2021 17:34

Don't move away from your children.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 19/05/2021 17:35
Hmm
Susannahmoody · 19/05/2021 17:36

Oh come on

Susannahmoody · 19/05/2021 17:36

Specialist in what?

DPotter · 19/05/2021 17:37

Entering a relationship when my partner can’t handle me having kids

Didn't need to read your post @Stormchaser500 to know how to respond.
The answer is you do not enter a relationship with someone who can't handle you having kids.

I'll be honest with you Stormchaser I assumed you were the mother - we've had a few threads recently with mothers asking about how to manage the situation of new partners not getting on with her children and in every case she has been advised in no uncertain terms to ditch the new man. So I suppose it's refreshing to see this from the male perspective.

Too soon - to be discussing moving 160mile with someone you've barely met.
Too soon - to be discussing having children with someone you've barely met
Too much drama -from your new 'partner'
Too selfish - on your part

Naunet · 19/05/2021 17:44

She wants to see past it and have a life with me but she can’t get over my kids. I’ve suggested seeing a specialist and as I’ve said that me having kids won’t encroach on our lives together as I will be away from her when I see them. It just seems like there’s no moving past this and I don’t know what else to suggest

God, so much to unpack here.

  1. Have you asked the children’s mother if she’s happy for you to palm your responsibilities on a parent off to her? Why don’t you feel responsible for them just as much as she is?
  1. Why do you feel it’s acceptable to prioritise your girlfriend over your children’s relationship with you?
  1. Why do you think your girlfriend needs to see a specialist? She doesn’t want children and marriage with someone who has already done it, that’s a perfect valid choice. Shes not wrong or in need of therapy just because you want something different.
RonWeasleysWilly · 19/05/2021 18:10

I have a partner with two children. He made it clear from the beginning of our relationship that they would always be his top priority (he has 50/50 custody). Not only did I accept that, I wouldn't have been interested in a man who didn't put his kids first.

I shouldn't but I am judging you both!

Bananalanacake · 19/05/2021 18:14

Why don't you have 50/50 contact like decent fathers, cos you're a lazy bastard.

Standrewsschool · 19/05/2021 18:20

You’ve been in this long distance relationship for five months, in a pandemic, lockdown situation, and you want to move over a hundred miles to be with her, away from your children?

Put your children first. She should move nearer to you.

If you do decide to move away, where will you stay when you have the children? Where will your base be?

New partner is already resenting them. This is a red flag.

Justmuddlingalong · 19/05/2021 18:30

What would be the outcome if your ex became unable to care for your DC?

Twinkie01 · 19/05/2021 19:04

Seriously? She can't cope with your children? What sort of woman asks a man to chose between her and his children?

What will happen if she does manage to have a child? Will your children be abandoned cause as sure as eggs is eggs she won't be happy with you fucking off every other weekend to parent your own children.

And what about the mother of your children? Has she agreed to this? You're involvement with your kids to drastically reduce. What happens if she passes away and you have to take on your children full time or will you just dump them at the nearest children's home and wash your hands of them? What if one becomes sick and you have to help with their care or spend time in hospital with them? Because if she can't cope with the odd weekend she's going to go ballistic at the prospect of that.

She must have a magic Vagina and be fucking rolling in it for for you to even consider doing this to your poor kids!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/05/2021 19:13

@Justmuddlingalong

What would be the outcome if your ex became unable to care for your DC?
I suspect the nearest family member who happens to be female would be expected to step up, as apparently OP thinks men can default out of parental responsibly lest it encroaches on their sex life.

Part of me thinks if OP is that disengaged and disloyal to his kids maybe it's better he fucks off now rather than later, so they aren't even more disappointed.

Unreal. Imagine saying to someone don't worry, my children won't ENCROACH on our life. Disgraceful.

Those poor kids deserve better.

PearlclutchersInc · 19/05/2021 19:13

Five months in..... way too soon to move and way too soon to even think of prioritising someone new over your kids.

BlueLobelia · 19/05/2021 19:17

TBH i think OP just wound us up and let us go. Not been back to the thread. Total goady fucker post, especially on a forum when so many of the posters have seen their own examples of 'fathers' abandoning all responsibility upon breakup.

Atalantea · 19/05/2021 19:21

Wow,

PickAChew · 19/05/2021 19:22

You sound well suited.

Cotswoldmama · 19/05/2021 19:28

If she loved you she would expect your child whether she could biologically have her own or not. I can't believe you'd consider moving away from your children and only see them twice a month. How will your children feel, if was with man and he had children in would not make him move away from them, it would make me not want to have children with him if he can just drop them so easily.

Cotswoldmama · 19/05/2021 19:28

*accept not expect.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 19/05/2021 19:32

Of COURSE OP hasn't returned 🥸

Countrycode · 19/05/2021 19:33

Looooooser dad alert 🚨

I'm guessing you live under a bridge too!

peboh · 19/05/2021 19:44

Hahahahah op posted and ran.
Way to be a crappy parent hey? Never put somebody else's happiness over your children's. Find someone better suited to your life.