AIBU for wanting silence during piano lessons

[SassenachWitch]

I’m not brave enough for AIBU, and I see it as a relationship problem also.

My 13 year old DD, has piano lessons via zoom on Tuesday afternoons, the only place for her to set up properly is the dining room. There’s usually only her and older sister home (who stays in her room) during this lesson, but my P has changed jobs and is now home during her lesson. I’ve asked him to keep the noise down as even with the doors closed, we can hear the teacher speaking so no doubt she can hear us.

So tonight I was home first and P walked in 5 minutes before her lesson ended, he was speaking loud and clattering around the kitchen, I asked him to lower his voice and it’s ended in a massive row.

How he can’t even talk in his own house and I’m being ridiculous to expect quiet and he doesn’t care if the teacher can hear us talking. He also stormed off upstairs saying he’d stay in his room out of the way!

Its not just about the teacher hearing, DD is practicing for an exam so needs to concentrate.
She’s now upset because she heard our disagreement and is saying she won’t have her lessons anymore.

For me, this is just another example of his selfishness.

He’s forgetting that during the 2 x 50 minute interviews he’s had via zoom, I kept everyone, including the cat out of earshot!!

The bills you just phone up and say he's moved out and can you take them over.

Council tax is a priority and getting single person discount from Friday.

Photographic evidence of all meters including water.

@giletrouge You can't tag someone who has not posted on the thread...well you can type their name in but it doesn't send them a notification.

@SassenachWitch You need to speak to the landlord immediately and let them know the situation.

Your ex could give notice and this ends it for everyone so you would have to move out unless you have agreed with the landlord beforehand that he will give you a tenancy in your own right.

Its better to be the first to tell the landlord and get things sorted your end.

I’m worried about informing the letting agent, mainly because, we have a real bargain with this property. We’ve been here 8 years, and our rent has only gone up by £30 a month, it’s at least £300 cheaper than similar properties, but we’ve been good tenants and paid for any maintenance out of our own pocket (pretty much refurbished the whole place) at the rate it is now, I can afford to stay, if it goes up, I’m screwed.

Can my landlord increase the rent?

He probably can but will you not be eligible for partial rent help via UC now you are on a lower income?

@SortingItOut you can, I've done it before and seen it done loads of times. As long as you've got the @, the bold and the correct spelling (which people often don't have) they are tagged.

@RandomMess it’s a 4 bed, so I’m not entitled to any apparently, due to over occupancy I think.

I’ve put a claim in for UC, I’m not entitled to a lot, just a bit of working tax credits, but it’ll help.

My work are really good, there’s more hours available if I need them.

So the crafty bastard has taken all of the paperwork for the house. Tenancy agreements, bills, deposit scheme paperwork.

Pissed off with myself, I’m not usually such a mug when it comes to things like this.

Have an appointment with the estate agents Friday to sort tenancy out.

Really fed up of being the bigger person all the time, I left the house as he asked while he packed his things, thinking he just wanted to be alone, maybe say goodbye to the cat etc but seems he spent the time grabbing every piece of paperwork he could find. I’m also pretty certain he wasn’t alone, he took so much in only an hour, and with him deleting the doorbell footage I’d say he definitely had help.

Feeling angry this morning.

I'm glad you're feeling angry, keep that anger rather than feeling sad about the relationship ending.

I think this goes to show exactly what he is like. Don't beat yourself up for believing he was a better person than he actually is.

I'm glad you've made contact with the estate agents and have an appointment to sort the tenancy.

Also you need to remove his access to the ring doorbell otherwise he will ne kerping tabs on you.

As soon as the tenancy is in your name and the locks changed take that doorbell down if you can't stop his access.

Can you report him to 101?

You asked him to leave because he was abusive towards your children and now he has cleared the house out.

He needs shaming.
Stop being so nice.

Report him and shame him.

Call Women's aid to see what they say.

He cleared the footage for a reason.

I wouldn't be laying down and taking this.

He was abusing your children.
Fxxk that.

@billy1966 I have contemplated reporting him actually. I keep bottling it though.

Would 101 even be interested?

I'm not sure what crime has been committed in him taking stuff from a jointly rented house unless he took stuff that was yours.

Apart from the paperwork and his stuff what else has he taken?

Get onto Women's aid asap to see what they say but you had to ask him to leave as he was ABUSIVE to you and your children and he has now cleared the house of all paperwork and cleared footage as he obviously brought someone into the house.

I would ring the police and as for their Domestic Violence person.

He needs to be called out on his behaviour.

Could they call to his work?

Make a fuss.
Those who shout loudest get heard.

Pricks like him get away with stuff because women are afraid of speaking up.

You asked him to leave as he was terrorising your children and home.

What can the police do?
As for the desk Sargent.

You can make things unpleasant for him.

Your LL will have copies of all paperwork. You need to let them know he has taken everything.

I'm concerned that your appointment to sort the tenancy isn't until Friday and he's taken all the papers relating to the tenancy. I personally think this is urgent - I don't understand, legally, what he could be trying on behind your back but I'm not in much doubt that he's trying something. I think you need to act as swiftly as possible and Friday isn't soon enough. You absolutely must establish that the tenancy is now yours, not his. Surely this can be fast-tracked in the circs? Have you made it clear that you've had to get rid of him because of his vile behaviour towards your children?

I think he’s doing it to mess with my head. It’s all a game to him. And a form of control.

I agree that Friday is too late. What is to stop him getting the tenancy in his sole name before then? Please get onto this now OP.

I might be wrong but if he was her biological dad he’d probably keep quiet. Is this more of a control issue?

Sorry OP just read the updates now, didn’t realise it had escalated. I hope you’re okay and don’t be afraid to call 101, they can be helpful even if just to keep a record of what’s going on in case something worse happens down the line x

Please speak to the agency today tell them it's urgent tell them he was abusive and you got him to leave etc.

Right, I’ve spoke to the EA, call started well with him saying yes no problem, nothing changes etc, but then he starts mentioning credit checks and deposit schemes. Apparently the deposit is only registered in ex’s name (even though I paid half) so is that the EA’s mistake?

Have been really good tenants, never ever missed a payment, improved the property, on each inspection the EA has always commented how spotless and well maintained etc.

Am I going to lose my home?!

No one knows. There is no reason you should fail the credit checks.

Insist on them sorting out the deposit issue as that is 50% your money as per tenancy agreement. Was Ex lead tenant?

You have faced one fear of removing him so face the next - your home.
Then you will know where you stand and securing your home.
I understand not wanting to block him and you need to say things but you can block him over the messy period and limit your involvement could be wise. His ego will be going to ignore the bigger or better person mentality. Ugh.
Let yourself move through the emotions of a 10yr relationship.
With the possibility of him returning can you hide or remove anything useful or valueable while this is going on.

He won’t take valuables, typically he’s bloody rolling in it and gets to walk away from all this, meanwhile I’m left sorting through the shit and not sleeping at night.

I can afford my home, I really can, but my credit file is crap because I don’t really have anything in my name other than a credit card. If I pay my credit card off will by score improve?