AIBU for wanting silence during piano lessons

[SassenachWitch]

I’m not brave enough for AIBU, and I see it as a relationship problem also.

My 13 year old DD, has piano lessons via zoom on Tuesday afternoons, the only place for her to set up properly is the dining room. There’s usually only her and older sister home (who stays in her room) during this lesson, but my P has changed jobs and is now home during her lesson. I’ve asked him to keep the noise down as even with the doors closed, we can hear the teacher speaking so no doubt she can hear us.

So tonight I was home first and P walked in 5 minutes before her lesson ended, he was speaking loud and clattering around the kitchen, I asked him to lower his voice and it’s ended in a massive row.

How he can’t even talk in his own house and I’m being ridiculous to expect quiet and he doesn’t care if the teacher can hear us talking. He also stormed off upstairs saying he’d stay in his room out of the way!

Its not just about the teacher hearing, DD is practicing for an exam so needs to concentrate.
She’s now upset because she heard our disagreement and is saying she won’t have her lessons anymore.

For me, this is just another example of his selfishness.

He’s forgetting that during the 2 x 50 minute interviews he’s had via zoom, I kept everyone, including the cat out of earshot!!

I'm going to check in on you in the morning like an annoying meddling relative, so that you know someone is thinking of you!

(I won't meddle though, I'll just remind you he is a wanker and you've absolutely done the right thing)

I think you need to accept he will mess about with the bill payments.

Unless you're on a trial separation he's likely to cancel all the payments and keep the money.

Who's name are the bills in?
If any are in his you should get a new account in your name from the day he left.
Also read the gas and electric meters.

Bills are in his name, but paid 50/50.

He probably will mess around, he’ll have a viscous sister breathing down his neck. He tried to take my car off me today. Paid for by me but unfortunately in his name.

Paid for by me but unfortunately in his name.

You're paying for some expensive lessons here. Make sure you learn them because they've cost you enough.

One minute I’m relieved, the next I’m so so sad.

I’ve learnt my lesson I hope.

@SassenachWitch

He tried to take my car off me today. Paid for by me but unfortunately in his name.

Perhaps consider getting a steering wheel lock and use it every time your car is parked so he can't make off with it? 🌹

The owner of the vehicle is the person who paid for it (unless it was a gift).
Do you have the receipt or any proof? If you do keep it safe just in case.

The registered keeper can be different.

Get the V5 in your name when you can.

I guess sort out the bills ASAP. Get them changed into your name, meter readings done. Notify council tax that he moved out and ask for the single person discount.

Prior to then he is responsible for them.

As promised just checking in to see how you're doing today! Hope you had fun last night - that's the first night of your new life done, congratulations 🎉

Does anyone know what will happen when I remove him from the tenancy? Will the estate agents start from scratch? Running credit checks & charging admin fees etc?

@youvegottenminuteslynn thank you for checking in.

Didn’t sleep very well at all.

Do you have internet/ mobile banking OP? I would move your half out of that joint account pdq, before he removes the lot.

You have no legal right to remove him from the tenancy so you have to appeal to his and the estate agents better nature to allow you to end the joint tenancy and start a new one.

Ring them in the morning and explain whats happened and see what they suggest.
They may run checks as though you are a new tenant or they may not if you have been in the house a while and always paid on time.
Can you afford to live there?
Are you worried about your credit rating not being good enough?

@endofthelinefinally It wasn't a joint account officially, it was a bank account in his name that they both paid into to cover bills.
The money legally is his and if the OP took it then it is theft.

Oh. I see. I hope he pays the bills! I assumed it was a joint account.

You've done the right thing. How's your daughter?

You need to tell all utility companies everything needs to be in your name from the day he left.. He is liable for them to that date..

Change the locks front and back? Tell the EA you have.

I’m really struggling with this.

I thought I’d feel liberated. Instead I just feel so bloody sad.

I don’t have the energy to worry about the bills and whether or not he tries to screw me over.

Of course its sad, its only been 24 hrs roughly.

In time you will feel liberated, embrace the sadness for now.

If it helps write down everything he did to upset/annoy you and your kids and keep reading it back- you'll soon see you did the right thing.

Of course it's sad!! You thought you had a great future together

Be kind to yourself x

I thought I’d feel liberated. Instead I just feel so bloody sad.

You have to go through the whole grieving process. It's hard and long and you can't skip it. Sorry!

It's such early days. You've been so strong to follow through and get rid of him. Give yourself the space you need to grieve but don't take your eye off the ball with the practical stuff if you can manage it; he'll take advantage.

I remember reading your post earlier in the week and I'm really impressed that you've taken action. He sounds horrible. You will feel better but yes there will be sadness too.

He’s been texting me today. Completely bloody pointless texts. Being nice, but also still showing his cold and narcissistic traits.

Why text me? Let me lick my wounds for gods sake.