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Relationships

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Original poster

To resent DP for not working and being up all night

159 replies

bringbeer · 13/05/2021 13:30

I work full time, get up at 6:30 and go to bed around 11. DP doesn't work, he receives disability benefits as he's depressed.

Despite being home all day, I have to nag him to do any housework. All he wants to do is play PlayStation.

Yesterday he woke me up at 4am when he came to bed and I lost it. He knows I have trouble sleeping, and I feel like he's not being considerate at all.

AIBU?

OP posts:

SunshineSuxx · 13/05/2021 13:37

He sounds very thoughtless and inconsiderate, depressed or not.

What exactly are you getting from this relationship?

Cocomarine · 13/05/2021 13:38

I expect you might get told to be more understanding of depression...
But you can be depressed and still follow a house rule of - it’s you’re gaming at 04:00, you sleep on the sofa.
And whilst I’d be sympathetic of depression that meant you couldn’t do anything some days - including housework, got to admit I’m less sympathetic if you can still get it together enough to get going on the PlayStation.

FizzyPink · 13/05/2021 13:40

I would not be impressed at having to nag a grown adult depressed or not. YANBU and I’d be seriously considered what he brings to your life

CuriousaboutSamphire · 13/05/2021 13:41

I expect you'll get the staunch gamers too!

But his behaviour is not doing him any favours, it will only be exacerbating his depression.

And yes, he is a thoughtless selfish bastard for waking you up at 4am. He should have slept downstairs and left you alone.

If he refuses to address any of that then maybe you do have to rethink the relationship.

Original poster

bringbeer · 13/05/2021 13:46

@Cocomarine

I expect you might get told to be more understanding of depression... But you can be depressed and still follow a house rule of - it’s you’re gaming at 04:00, you sleep on the sofa. And whilst I’d be sympathetic of depression that meant you couldn’t do anything some days - including housework, got to admit I’m less sympathetic if you can still get it together enough to get going on the PlayStation.

That's exactly how I feel - you can't be too depressed to do housework but then sit there and laugh with your mates and play PlayStation for hours on end.

I suffer from depression too and can't just "snap out of it" like he seems to be able to.

OP posts:

Aquamarine1029 · 13/05/2021 13:47

What's the point of him? Honestly, raise your standards and get rid of him.

Naunet · 13/05/2021 13:52

So what’s he actually doing to help his depression? Therapy? Medication? How long has he not worked for? What’s his plan to make improvements? Why does he think it’s fair for you to work and do the housework whilst he plays all day and night? Does he think that’s a good way to treat the person he’s meant to love?

Snakeprint · 13/05/2021 13:54

Whats he doing to help himself? Gaming all night isnt helpful

Cocomarine · 13/05/2021 13:54

Well, what’s he’s not doing is bothering with any of the basics - like not gaming all night as it fucks up your sleep pattern which really won’t help.

I’m firmly in the “what’s the point of him” camp.

billy1966 · 13/05/2021 14:18

YABU to have a relationship bar on the floor and put up with this waster who has made an awful fool out of you.

Up every night on the PS4 laughing his head of at you🙄.

Unbelievable.
Depressed my arse.
He saw you coming that's for sure.

Why a life you have to look forward to🙄

Feedingthebirds1 · 13/05/2021 14:22

I suffer from depression too and can't just "snap out of it" like he seems to be able to.

I suspect that if you got rid of him, your own depression would improve.

poweredbyplants · 13/05/2021 14:25

Honestly this could be written about my ex, do yourself a favour and get rid.

Alexapissoff · 13/05/2021 14:25

I suffer from depression. I also manage to do the housework and wouldn’t dream of disrupting Dh who has to be up early to work.

Depression doesn’t make you a lazy freeloader.

Ugzbugz · 13/05/2021 14:28

Just bone idol and everyone knows that lack of sleep and poor sleep patterns make things 100 times worse. Sack him off.

DinosaurDiana · 13/05/2021 14:31

Why are you still with him ?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/05/2021 14:57

Well, if he’s depressed, and actually getting DLA for it, it’s quite possible he can’t motivate himself to do anything around the house. I’m not saying definitely but quite possibly.

Although I’m sure what pp say about poor sleep patterns making it worse is spot on - you so have to try to help yourself!

However, no excuse for being an inconsiderate arsehole. I agree, if you stay up to 4 am you sleep elsewhere! End of story.

RoseRedCityHalfAsOldAsTime · 13/05/2021 15:05

Up every night on the PS4 laughing his head off at you

OP didn't say he was laughing, or playing with his mates. He may be just staring at the screen glazed with misery for all we know. Or - more likely - he can cope with playing Playstation for the same reason he can watch TV - because they are ways of blocking out reality and avoiding social interaction. That's probably why he's doing it at night and (presumably) sleeping in the day to compensate - to avoid people.

But I agree with PPs that depression doesn't mean you get out of doing your share of the housework. If he needs motivating to do this - motivate him.

Naunet · 13/05/2021 15:11

@RoseRedCityHalfAsOldAsTime yes she did:

That's exactly how I feel - you can't be too depressed to do housework but then sit there and laugh with your mates and play PlayStation for hours on end

bravotango · 13/05/2021 15:12

LTB

gamerchick · 13/05/2021 15:17

@CuriousaboutSamphire

I expect you'll get the staunch gamers too!

But his behaviour is not doing him any favours, it will only be exacerbating his depression.

And yes, he is a thoughtless selfish bastard for waking you up at 4am. He should have slept downstairs and left you alone.

If he refuses to address any of that then maybe you do have to rethink the relationship.

Why? This isn't about gaming.

The rest of your post I agree with.

What exactly is he doing to sort his depression out OP? It's not a terminal diagnosis where you wait to die, it's also not something that gets better on its ownm it needs work.

If he's not willing to at least be considerate enough not to wake you up before he sleeps all day then he can bugger off and find his own house to be depressed in. He's taking the mick.

Cocomarine · 13/05/2021 15:34

@RoseRedCityHalfAsOldAsTime actually she did say he was laughing and playing.

billy1966 · 13/05/2021 15:35

@RoseRedCityHalfAsOldAsTime

Up every night on the PS4 laughing his head off at you

But I agree with PPs that depression doesn't mean you get out of doing your share of the housework. If he needs motivating to do this - motivate him.

That is EXACTLY what the OP said in her post at 13.46

" sit there and laugh with your mates".

Shoxfordian · 13/05/2021 15:37

He sounds like a loser

LannieDuck · 13/05/2021 15:40

He stays at home while you work FT? He does all the housework.

Ask him what's for dinner tonight.

Unanananana · 13/05/2021 15:50

So you support his lazy arse as well as probably do everything around the house? I hope you aren't shagging him? Why would you want to?

Depression is not an excuse to be inconsiderate to your partner and not pull your weight. If hecan stay up gaming till 4am, he can do something to help himself feel better and get back to work.

Women are not rehabs for men. He shapes up or fucks off.

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