To resent DP for not working and being up all night

[bringbeer]

I work full time, get up at 6:30 and go to bed around 11. DP doesn't work, he receives disability benefits as he's depressed.

Despite being home all day, I have to nag him to do any housework. All he wants to do is play PlayStation.

Yesterday he woke me up at 4am when he came to bed and I lost it. He knows I have trouble sleeping, and I feel like he's not being considerate at all.

AIBU?

@Feedingthebirds1

I suffer from depression too and can't just "snap out of it" like he seems to be able to.

I suspect that if you got rid of him, your own depression would improve.

This

Women are not rehabs for men

^^
Agree with this entirely and will remember it for another time!

Stop wasting your life and leave him.

How long has your DP been out of work OP? Have you told him how you feel before?

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Women are not rehabs for men

^^
Agree with this entirely and will remember it for another time!

I also agree. Put with behaviour I shouldn’t have, and wouldn’t do again.

I would seriously consider your future with him OP. At the very least you shouldn't live together. Depressed or not he sounds like a cock lodger. And if he is really, truly so paralysed by depression he cant lift a finger at home, then what sort of future us this for you really?

That is not tenable in the long term. It would be different if he was between jobs and really looking for work, whilst doing all chores. But he has chosen a "lifestyle" here, and whilst you do all the chores, feed, clothe and house him, he isn't going to find any motivation to change or find work. He is living the dream, isn't he? Do you want to be the bread winner and his mother forever, or would you rather start again and find a partner that's a grown up?

Is he on antidepressants ?

He’s an absolute joker. Doesn’t sound depressed to me. Honestly I’d get rid of him, useless waste of space.

What treatment is he receiving?

Depression can turn people’s rhythm haywire and it’s common to be awake at night and asleep in the day.

H

@AcornCups so? Why can’t he do something useful overnight then instead of playing on his PE? Dust, brush the floor, fold washing, prepare a meal for the next day?
Because he’s a lazy fucker and doesn’t want to, that’s why.

Accidentally posted too soon.

However how long has this been going on because I can see why you don’t want this to be your life.

Bless you op, this is no way to live. I suffer from long term depression, so I'm not without sympathy for your partner - however; I work full time, manage household chores and responsibilities. It's all about communication and compromise - sometimes I have to rely on my husband to pick up the slack if I'm feeling really down but for the most part we work as a team. Yes, it's sometimes awful coping with depression, but you deserve so much better

AcornCups so? Why can’t he do something useful overnight then instead of playing on his PE? Dust, brush the floor, fold washing, prepare a meal for the next day?
Because he’s a lazy fucker and doesn’t want to, that’s why.

Agree with this.

If he can play all hours on his console with his mates, then he can switch it off and do some housework.

I used to be severely depressed and couldn't sleep at night. I used to potter quietly about the house doing bits and bobs

Has he always been a bit like this, now you come to think about it? Or was he once a considerate model husband who did half the housework, and not just the bits he liked?

If this is a massive downward turn from how he used to be, I would say better treatment for his depression and marriage counselling. But if it's just brought out his latent laziness, get rid.

He must have very serious depression op if he’s getting disability payments for it?

Not a chance I'd put up with that.
Is he actually doing anything to sort out his depression? I don't think disability benefits are helpful in this situation because he is just wallowing.

@Bul21ia

How long has your DP been out of work OP? Have you told him how you feel before?

Three years.

He knows how I feel and will sometimes make an effort to do laundry etc. but it never lasts long.

Let me guess, he’s able to make that occasional effort despite his depression when he realises you might not be prepared to put up with his shit much longer?

Stop doing his laundry, for a start.

@TheGumption

Not a chance I'd put up with that. Is he actually doing anything to sort out his depression? I don't think disability benefits are helpful in this situation because he is just wallowing.

I don’t think this is fair. You cannot judge like this. For someone to get disability benefits they must be judged to be seriously mentally ill, it’s long term and impacts the ability to function.

As much as it’s hard for the op to live with someone mentally very ill. It’s not ok to decide he shouldn’t get benefits snd is wallowing.

He doesn't sound depressed to me. More like a complete free loader both off you OP and the state!
Get rid ASAP. You can do so much better!

That's exactly how I feel - you can't be too depressed to do housework but then sit there and laugh with your mates and play PlayStation for hours on end.I suffer from depression too and can't just "snap out of it" like he seems to be able to

You think he’s scamming the doctors and falsely claiming disability?

@Cocomarine

Stop doing his laundry, for a start.

He's quite stuck on gender roles and already criticizes me for never cooking for him.

I only do it because the messiness makes my anxiety and depression worse.

He's sounds like a lazy useless lump. Ask yourself what you are getting from this relationship.