Dating thread 204 - surfing the SeaofTwits

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

Ah good luck @Shayelle2009 fingers crossed for you.❤

Thanks @Naimee87 and @Isitreallyme77. Going for a coffee... civilised haha... I don’t have a clue what to wear! Got some gorgeous clothes though so no problems with not having anything! (Kept adding to the wardrobe despite nowhere to go haha)
I’m actually really excited!

You are making me get excited now too for a future first date! Can't wait to hear how it goes! I need to start getting some nice clothes... all this working from home has kept me in jeans and tshirts, even make-up has slowly faded as well. Will be nice to go clothes shopping again and get dressed up! Can't even remember the last time i got a pair of heels out!

@Shayelle2009 i wore jeans and a nice jumper for my coffee date yesterday. Smart enough not to look like a bag of shite but not too dressy I'd look out of place.

@Dancerinthemoonlight Apologies for misunderstanding.
As you've got such good boundaries in your dating life can you extend this to your friendships?
It does all sound very onesided☹

Apart from walks what other hobbies do you have?

I think you're in East Anglia like me, they're are a few of us so maybe we could organise a meet up for coffee/drinks soon.

@SortingItOut I'm going to start to because it is all very one sided.
Most of my hobbies are very much single person like gardening, crochet (have been to a stitch and bitch class but it was all older people and usually run during work time) and diamond painting.
I do want to get back into dance but need to find a suitable class as I can only find beginner classes.
Yes I am in East Anglia. A meet up for coffee/drinks sounds like a lovely idea

Hi @Isitreallyme77 that’s what I’m thinking. Nice jeans, a summery top and maybe some summery shoes. Hmm!!

@Naimee87 it is lovely making the effort again, hair, make up, clothes, nails, bit of jewellry! Makes you feel so much better doesn’t it 💗

Ooh, @Shayelle2009, can't wait for your update. So nice to get an unexpected, impromptu meet. Have fun.

@Shayelle2009 have a wonderful time!

Thanks lovelies!! I shall be sure to update!!

@Dancerinthemoonlight for what it’s worth, I remember when I was your age I made radical changes to my friendships, after realising a lot of the people who i was ‘friends’ with were in fact arseholes. You’re just grown up and they're not.

It’s been a month since I posted properly, just want to update. I think I’m at the end of the road with Mr TG and I’m really sad about it.

I just want more than he can give to me at the moment, and it’s more frustrating because what I want isn’t even that much! Just to see each other once a week or fortnight, plan some nights away or dates out of the house and start to develop more of an emotional connection.
I realise that with his kids being older, they are at the casual stage of seeing him so he will always be on call and available to them first, which is probably as it should be, but it means I’ll won’t be a priority and he feels fine about cancelling on me if need be.
Just not a good match, or right person wrong time

Oh @Mayzee I am really sorry to hear this. He's been around for a significant chunk of time and it's always sad when you realise that things may have run their course. I know you have said you sometimes find it difficult to have a conversation about such things but do you feel it's worth one last shot ? Are you on the slow fade ? I've been in those situations where not everything was wrong but there just wasn't enough that was right to keep us going.

It's a crushing feeling when you know you're prepared to prioritise someone but they won't really do the same for you. Or pretend they do but behave in the complete opposite way. I got told by the last man i really liked that he wasn't in a place to commit to anyone (who know's if that was true or it was with me) so he didn't mind if i wanted to find someone else. He said he wouldn't want anyone else but couldn't offer me more. But didn't feel nice when he said i could 'leave' whenever i wanted to. From now on i plan to take things SO slowly and go for men that i usually wouldn't go for, test them out a little, my track record is just rubbish so need to make some big changes.

@Shayelle2009 what time are you meeting Mr India?

I responded to Mr Cricket's comment about "a gentleman never let's a lady buy the first round" with "well in that case you'll have to let me buy the second". I'm trying to keep it all light hearted.

Name changed again.

Down to 2 irons, mr posh and mr normal. I thought I had a favourite in mr normal, but we were arranging a date for Sunday, I said I had a lot on and Ds is home so would only really be up for a quick drink in a beer garden.
He messaged this morning he’s booked a table indoors and said “don’t have breakfast the lunch menu looks amazing”
I’m like WTF. Said to him to call and change it to drinks outside, now he’s sulking like I’m the crazy one WWYD

Have any of you dtd and then ghosted to avoid the conversation? Has is ever happened to any of you that it seems chemistry is there but then you get into the bedroom and you just wish within seconds you could run a 100miles in the opposite direction?

Not ghosted, but the situation you describe is what happened with the neckkisser. It was my fault, I wanted to move things on, but once we got to the bedroom I knew almost instantly this was not in a million years going to be right for me. We didn't even dtd actually.
But I did message him to tell him I didn't want to take things forward. Which felt really cruel because he must have known it was his bedroom performance (lack of) that was the issue. Unfortunately I left it a while to tell him because he went on holiday and I didn't want to spoil his holiday, but while he was away he sent me flowers.

But I do think my reaction there was different to some men who seem to accept perfectly good sex and then just not want to continue possibly because they worry things will get serious, possibly just because they are your common or garden cad!

@oprahwindfuryy

Name changed again.

Down to 2 irons, mr posh and mr normal. I thought I had a favourite in mr normal, but we were arranging a date for Sunday, I said I had a lot on and Ds is home so would only really be up for a quick drink in a beer garden.
He messaged this morning he’s booked a table indoors and said “don’t have breakfast the lunch menu looks amazing”
I’m like WTF. Said to him to call and change it to drinks outside, now he’s sulking like I’m the crazy one WWYD

Is this a first meet? If so, no to a meal!

But also, if you said drink only then it's drink only. I might be pass-agg and say "oh, you can eat, as I said, I'm only having a drink" or something.

But he's pushing you to see how you respond to him moving the goalposts. Don't fall into the trap. And sulking is not attractive. No-one ever said "mmmm, look at that person sulking, I simply must shag them".

@Shayelle2009

Oh my gosh I’ve got a date later. Mr India from the other day!! Meeting him this afternoon arrrgh. First date for me this year lol!!! Wish me luck!

Good luck, @Shayelle ❤️

[quote Naimee87]@BelladiMamma is this really what men have said about why they ghost, they think it is less hurtful than just ignoring us. Do you think it is more a girly thing to do, having the conversation that it just isn't going anywhere. Have any of you dtd and then ghosted to avoid the conversation? Has is ever happened to any of you that it seems chemistry is there but then you get into the bedroom and you just wish within seconds you could run a 100miles in the opposite direction? hmmm[/quote]
I found it really dumb founding. And with the one who was a long standing friend he actually said it was in the past, but that's how he used to act and he'd never do it. To the extent that I always ask about his tinder activity and he's really way more mature than he used to be. Cos he's had some knock backs himself and has learnt from it

Hugs @Mayzee that must feel rubbish 😞 x x

@VanGoghsDog, I told him to change the reservation. I definitely won’t be pushed, but what do I do about the sulking? I almost feel like telling him to piss off now, but maybe I’m being harsh ?

@Isitreallyme77 meeting him at 5.30... i’m not the most spontaneous kind of woman lol so it’s thrown my whole day, but in a fun, exciting kind of way 🙂
Going to start slowly getting ready soon.. whilst still appearing online at work 😆

Yeah nice and lighthearted is the way... don’t forget you hardly know him at all, you don’t know he is a nice guy, so keep watching... I dont mean to sound too cynical but it takes time to get to know someone. 🌼

@VanGoghsDog i guess it is more common then that bedroom stuff has a massive impact on whether or not you want to persue things or you get the ick. I genuinely was excited about it but did a complete 360 as soon as we were alone. ewww hard to get out of my head actually! Glad he is gone for good. Shame the guy you talked about sounded nice but if the chemistry isn't there at the beginnning it isn't likely to magically start or has this happened to anyone. Where its been a total let down but you've given them another chance?
@BelladiMamma i think when they ignore us it makes us seem more needy because we are so intent on finding out what happened when like you say nothing has happened they just got what they want and would like to move on. It's just hard to know who the 'good' ones are, its all a mystery to me but i'll not ever get sucked back into the 'chasing after' again if someone i meet goes cold / distant most definitely his loss and i will do the same