Page 8 | Is this a bit rude or?

sammy829 · 2021-05-06T17:45:55+00:00

I haven't seen my boyfriend in 4 days. He came over tonight and about 10 minutes later his son (8) FaceTimes him. No problem at all, but they've now been chatting for an hour. I have absolutely no issue with his son whatsoever, I'm just feeling a little put out that I've literally been ignored since he got here. There's still no sign of the phone call ending. He saw his son Sunday, Monday, yesterday and will have him all weekend. If everyone would be fine with this then I'll be quiet, I promise [smile]

KurtWilde · 09/05/2021 17:14

I disagree @aSofaNearYou sorry but I do. The boyfriend clearly felt comfortable and at home in OPs house as that's their dynamic as boyfriend and girlfriend. I'll say again that we don't know if this is a one off or a common occurrence.

And no, I don't change my parenting style when I'm in someone else's house, but there's a big difference between sticking to your personal parenting style and letting your kids run riot in someone else's home. I'd expect my DC to be respectful of the neighbour's home for starters, and I know they would be. But I'd also expect them to take direction from me not my neighbour, and the same would apply to my neighbour if they brought their children into my home! You're trying to make a really weird point and it's quite irrelevant to the OPs problem.

CharityDingle · 09/05/2021 17:31

[quote sammy829]@Onthedunes I think coming over to my house (the one night I was seeing him that week), taking a phone call in my living room, putting earphones in whilst on the call and me being completely ignored for 2 hours is rude. I was unable to even watch TV as he was so loud.

I have a DC of my own and I wouldn't behave this way.

If that makes me unreasonable and demanding then so be it! [/quote]
Yes, it is extremely rude.
As for the huff, I would leave him to it. Permanently.

aSofaNearYou · 09/05/2021 17:33

@KurtWilde

I disagree *@aSofaNearYou* sorry but I do. The boyfriend clearly felt comfortable and at home in OPs house as that's their dynamic as boyfriend and girlfriend. I'll say again that we don't know if this is a one off or a common occurrence.

And no, I don't change my parenting style when I'm in someone else's house, but there's a big difference between sticking to your personal parenting style and letting your kids run riot in someone else's home. I'd expect my DC to be respectful of the neighbour's home for starters, and I know they would be. But I'd also expect them to take direction from me not my neighbour, and the same would apply to my neighbour if they brought their children into my home! You're trying to make a really weird point and it's quite irrelevant to the OPs problem.

A majority of the posters here agree with me that I am not making a weird point at all 🙄 In fact, you are making a really weird point by refusing to accept that different things you do with your kids are appropriate in different situations. So as I say, you might normally change your toddler wherever when you're at home, but you wouldn't do so in a restaurant, you might normally play hide and seek and run around a lot, but you wouldn't do this in a museum, and you might usually take two hours on the phone with them when they're not with you, but you wouldn't do this in somebody else's living room. They are all the same. Adapting how you parent based on the situation you are in. There is no way you do not do that.

The fact that HE felt comfortable, does not mean it was reasonable for him to feel that way and that this was a part of their dynamic. Clearly it wasn't, because OP was not comfortable with it. He doesn't get to decide what she's comfortable with in her home. He should ask.

PerveenMistry · 10/05/2021 02:47

@IEat

I would think it was lovely adult was taking an interest in their child. You’ll always be second, once you accept that you’ll be better off in your own mind

Let him sit at home having a two-hour phone call with his kid, not hijacking the OP's home and leisure time.

He's extremely rude. Bin.

timeisnotaline · 10/05/2021 03:00

I think this was rude of him, he could easily have had a nice 20-30 min chat then said he had to go, love you son, see you tomorrow/whenever and gone back to spending the night with the op. But if I were the op, I’d have turned the tv on and waves him and his call out of the room rather than protest I couldn’t even watch tv.

Mothership4two · 10/05/2021 03:54

Unless there is a specific issue/crisis going on, a two hour phone call, in your partner's house, who you don't see very often, is rude (imo). He could have let ds know that he was out with someone and had a shorter call. It's not a bad thing for him to learn. If he was actually in OP's house, he wouldn't be allowed to monopolise one adult for two hours (I would hope). I totally understand why OP was a bit about his behaviour that night and in the morning.

And the TV would have been ON if it was me

Turtletotem · 10/05/2021 05:00

Has he contacted you since? Is he still sulking? I feel for you, in my opinion he was being unreasonable.

achoooooooo · 10/05/2021 05:52

This thread is batshit 😂

People ignoring others in social situations because their kid wants a two hour chat.

Brilliant. I love it.

Blueskytoday06 · 10/05/2021 05:57

Kids come first. They have to. He's probably rather be with you but kids trump our needs/wants.

ForwardRanger · 10/05/2021 05:59

He sounds ridiculous, way beyond rude. Are you supposed to be impressed by his long, loud conversations? Just stay home and take calls, don't inflict them on other people.

Blueskytoday06 · 10/05/2021 05:59

Didn't RTFT ...ok 2 hours is excessive. Doing an u-turn. He should have capped it at half an hour - to an hour tops.

nancywhitehead · 10/05/2021 06:19

I think it's a bit rude.

Yes of course kids come first, I don't think OP is questioning that. But it's pretty rude to arrive at someone's house and then immediately spend 2 hours on the phone.

If they were just chatting and there wasn't any kind of problem or emergency, that amount of time is rude.

Templetreeee · 10/05/2021 06:24

[quote sammy829]@Onthedunes I think coming over to my house (the one night I was seeing him that week), taking a phone call in my living room, putting earphones in whilst on the call and me being completely ignored for 2 hours is rude. I was unable to even watch TV as he was so loud.

I have a DC of my own and I wouldn't behave this way.

If that makes me unreasonable and demanding then so be it! [/quote]
Good for you.
Your DP is exceptionally rude and lacks boundaries but what you are getting on here is the punishment meted out to the partners of exes who dare have any expectations

DC MUST come first even if the man is being rude because they like having a dig.

Dont tolerate this type of behaviour.
Its really poor and its not good for DC to have a disneydad who drops everything and doesnt ever say no to their DC .

15 mins -fine.
If it was an urgent issue, fine
It wasnt.
OK DS ive got to go , see you Tues etc is fine.
2 hours when you are busy with another thing -nope

Templetreeee · 10/05/2021 06:27

@Blueskytoday06

Kids come first. They have to. He's probably rather be with you but kids trump our needs/wants.

2 hours! I dont think this is a very good message to teach an 8 year old tbh. If I was having dinner out as a family I wouldnt let my 8 year old take over the conversation and ignore everyone else.

pictish · 10/05/2021 06:46

This is Mumsnet OP, not the real world. I just read a post on the first page that simply said, “Kids come first. Always.” My eyes about rolled out of my head. What simplistic crap.

Of course he was rude. Very bad manners to take two hour phone call like that, son or not. As other posters have pointed out, he wouldn’t have done it at work, with his mates, doing his hobby, whatever.
You were absolutely right to point it out to him and I agree with those who say his reaction tells all.
Don’t let him manipulate you with ‘it’s my son’ guff either. If he wants to have a two hour conversation with him he can stay at home and let it dominate his own living room. Arsehole.

Milliepossum · 10/05/2021 06:59

He doesn’t respect your time OP and getting huffy is him training you to make yourself smaller. I think this is a bigger issue than a lengthy phone call.

Eviethyme · 10/05/2021 07:00

I do think it was rude. He could have spoken to him for 15 minutes then said I have to go because I'm at and I'll see you tomorrow.
Or something... There's no need to facetime for 2 hours when you've only just seen your partner who you seemingly only see once a week.

I have kids and they take priority but there's no need for me to facetime them for 2 hours if I they live with me half the week and I've just arrived at my partners house.

DorisLessingsCat · 10/05/2021 07:04

Not rude for home to chat to his son. It's a tricky thing being a SP and you don't know what's going on in the relationship

Yes rude for him to do it loudly in the living room so you couldn't even watch TV.

Yes rude to go off in a huff.

Arepeoplereallycoolaboutthis · 10/05/2021 07:19

YANBU

HalfTermHalfTerm · 10/05/2021 07:29

Unless there is some sort of crisis happening it’s rude to take a 2 hour long phone call from anyone when you’ve gone to someone else’s house to see them. It doesn’t matter who it is.

I also think it’s rude to loudly take a phone call in a communal room. Even if you lived together if he wanted to loudly talk to someone on the phone for 2 hours he should have gone to another room to do it.

Someone mentioned about the son having to ‘book’ a time to talk to his dad now. When you call someone (without arranging first) there is always a chance that they might not be able to talk to you. It’s fine for him to have that gently explained to him.

icelollycraving · 10/05/2021 07:30

Rude! I’m amazed his Ds has enough to talk about for 2 hours. Talking to his friends on PS4/ Houseparty/roblox, yes but to me? Nope.
I’d let him huff. I’d take the days apart to reconsider the relationship. Mn is always quick to suggest ltb etc but at the least, hopefully you’ll be able to explain how it made you feel. In your own bloody home

Zzelda · 10/05/2021 07:32

Poor child he has to book a time to speak to his dad now? Other PP are right, it’s his child. He comes first

Every child has to do this in effect, not least because of work and the competing demands of siblings.. Given that his dad had been with him the preceding three days and he was going to see him the next day, it really couldn't have hurt to cut the call short at, say, thirty minutes.

cordelia16 · 10/05/2021 07:39

@sqirrelfriends

Yanbu, it's rude.

You're also a person in his life, his child might come first (as he should) but that doesn't mean you have to be last. I bet if he was out with his friends he wouldn't spend an hour chatting to his DS.

Agree

Yes, children come first, but it doesn't mean they have to cancel out everything else.

A child who sees his father regularly could stand to hear "can I speak to you tomorrow... I have plans right now." It's not as if they don't have regular contact. Even children are capable of understanding that.

DancesWithTortoises · 10/05/2021 08:01

He was very rude. Next time put the TV on any way and loud enough for you to hear.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 10/05/2021 08:02

is he normally bad mannered like that?
is his son jealous of your relationship?