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Original poster

Is this a bit rude or?

223 replies

sammy829 · 06/05/2021 18:45

I haven't seen my boyfriend in 4 days. He came over tonight and about 10 minutes later his son (8) FaceTimes him. No problem at all, but they've now been chatting for an hour. I have absolutely no issue with his son whatsoever, I'm just feeling a little put out that I've literally been ignored since he got here. There's still no sign of the phone call ending. He saw his son Sunday, Monday, yesterday and will have him all weekend.

If everyone would be fine with this then I'll be quiet, I promise Smile

OP posts:
Grandbisou · 07/05/2021 08:49

I don’t understand why he had to talk for two hours, especially if he saw him all week and is seeing him the next day. Surely you’d chat briefly and then say you’ll catch up tomorrow as busy. It’s ok to say you’re busy to a child! I tell my child I’m busy working, sleeping, in the bathroom etc and they need to wait until I’m available. I understand that they are separated and that will bring insecurities for his child but he can’t drop everything and everybody all of the time to talk. I agree if he was out socialising with mates I doubt the call would have lasted two minutes.
Was he trying to show off what a great dad he was to you, perhaps? Or show you how far down the pecking order you are? Either way, he should have apologised after the call and not been angry! He sounds an ass

Original poster
sammy829 · 07/05/2021 08:54

There is no insecurity from his son around them being separated- they split up when his son was 2 so he can't remember them being together. He has him 50/50 but the way it's worked out (rather than one week on, one off), he doesn't go more than 2 or 3 days without seeing him.

I totally get his son is important - my DC is to me too! I just personally wouldn't spend half the evening on the phone to my daughter on the one night that week I was at his house! Not for a chit chat anyway!

I'm rather annoyed this morning, the more I think about it! And I wasn't impressed at all with his reaction afterwards!

OP posts:
Grandbisou · 07/05/2021 08:55

How did you leave it op? Are you going to set some boundaries for when he’s with you?

Original poster
sammy829 · 07/05/2021 09:09

@Grandbisou It's been left with him leaving this morning to go to work still in a massive huff! Confused

OP posts:
jamestowno · 07/05/2021 09:09

I'd be furious, sooo rude. And his reaction is a red flag.

bookworm20 · 07/05/2021 09:17

I was going to say that perhaps the son is taking it hard following a seperation and just needs this time to adjust. But as it happened when he was 2, I really don't think that would be the case, so I'm in the YANBU camp.

And as for his reaction afterwards, he is probably on the defensive and lets hope he thinks about it a bit today and realises that he was being rude to you, when he could of had a quick chat with his son and then told him he had things to do and would see him tomorrow.

I'm all for making sure dc are prioritised in a new relationship, in terms of them not feeling rejected/left out etc. But no they should not always come first. In this instance he was in the wrong and you were totally justified in feeling a bit miffed about it, especially as it wasn't a one off occurrence. He needs to juggle his priorities a little better if you're planning on staying in this relationship.

LittlestBoho · 07/05/2021 09:21

[quote sammy829]@Grandbisou It's been left with him leaving this morning to go to work still in a massive huff! Confused[/quote]
He has no right to be in a huff with you! You had planned to spend time together, he ignored you for 2 hours, then went into a mood when you pulled him up on it.

Last night when he first huffed you should have told him to go back to his own house. There's no point him hanging around causing a bad atmosphere and it would set your stall out that you won't tolerate his moods.

What are you going to do about him now?

Original poster
sammy829 · 07/05/2021 09:39

@LittlestBoho I really don't know. I won't be seeing him for a while now, he's got his son today until Tuesday (I thought it was only until Sunday but it's not) and then he is busy Wednesday, so it'll be Thursday.

So I've got plenty of time to work out what to do!

OP posts:
Grandbisou · 07/05/2021 09:47

I would ignore him until you get an apology. I also would have told him to leave after the call and his huff. You have to set your standards or he’ll do whatever he likes

OrchestraOfWankery · 07/05/2021 09:52

@Grandbisou

I would ignore him until you get an apology. I also would have told him to leave after the call and his huff. You have to set your standards or he’ll do whatever he likes
This.

Don't be a doormat to this or any other entitled man who makes you uncomfortable in your home.

Does he see you just for sex?

LittlestBoho · 07/05/2021 10:10

Only you know if he was moody because he was embarrassed at being pulled up on his rudeness, or if he was moody because he's a dick who does whatever he wants.

Either way, he needs to have a serious think about his behaviour in future. Yes, he has a child, but it wasn't an emergency and he used up your whole date night (and your enjoyment of your own home) to do what he wanted, with no consideration for you.

Don't let him be in a huff at you. He was 100% rude.

JamieFrasersAuntie · 07/05/2021 10:33

The huffing tells you everything you need to know.

messybun101 · 07/05/2021 10:34

Agree to ignore until he contacts you. He's pathetic.
He's upset because he knows your right but can't admit it.
I doubt he does have the dc until Tuesday. I bet he's just saying that and busy on wed so it's longer for him to sulk over his ignorant behaviour

Sunshineandflipflops · 07/05/2021 10:40

I would always hope my ex would answer a call to our kids (they never actually call him though so if they did it would be something important to them), but would equally understand if he had a quick chat and then said "I've got to go now but it was lovely to speak to you and I'll see you tomorrow"

If my kids call me when I'm with my bf and they are with their dad I will always answer too if possible but again, keep it short and simple. My kids wouldn't want to spend 2 hours of facetime though and I'm surprised any 8 year old would!

So yes, I think he was being unreasonable, not you.

Original poster
sammy829 · 07/05/2021 10:40

He definitely wasn't huffing because he was embarrassed!

He does have his son now until Tuesday (I remember him saying last week), but I'm not sure about the plans he has on Wednesday!

I won't message him first today, I wouldn't know what to say anyway if he's being funny with me Hmm

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 07/05/2021 10:46

There are really no angles where this isn't rude. Even if you buy into the "kids always come first, how dare you" camp, the very least he could have done on a two hour call is go somewhere out of the way to do it, not monopolise the living room. I would have felt awful doing that. He is a selfish, inconsiderate person and his reaction now is pathetic. I hope you hold on to your irritation and don't let him pull this crap again.

Thatisnotwhatisaid · 07/05/2021 11:14

His DS will always come first, you either need to accept this or find someone else without children.

sunrayscome · 07/05/2021 11:15

What on earth are they talking about - plus this is time he should be spending with his mother - if I was the mother I would have wrapped the call up the other end !!

cupoftea2021 · 07/05/2021 11:18

Sounds like a Dad who is putting his responsibility of his child before you and your going to struggle.
Good to hear a dad dropping everything and whatever to be there for his son.. as
who knows what's going on.
Today I needed to call and chat because sometimes we all need support
It's not about times, length of call, competition it's about keeping it real.
Why when your parent do you not see that!
Good luck

MiddleParking · 07/05/2021 11:35

Drop everything for your kid in your own fucking living room! He can’t have it all ways!

insomniaisaballbag · 07/05/2021 11:42

What exactly did he come over for? And how come you don't see each other when he has his son? Does his son know about you?

I would've either asked him to leave and continue his call elsewhere or turned the tv up full volume.

aSofaNearYou · 07/05/2021 12:09

@cupoftea2021

Sounds like a Dad who is putting his responsibility of his child before you and your going to struggle. Good to hear a dad dropping everything and whatever to be there for his son.. as who knows what's going on. Today I needed to call and chat because sometimes we all need support It's not about times, length of call, competition it's about keeping it real. Why when your parent do you not see that! Good luck
Because he's sat in her bloody living room expecting her to wait in silence! Why if YOU'RE a parent do you suddenly have such appalling manners, and genuinely have the arrogance to expect your partner to be grateful for it??
MiddleParking · 07/05/2021 12:10

I don’t believe for a second the kids-come-first brigade would accept their own child hogging their living room loudly FaceTiming their ex-partner for two hours.

OrchestraOfWankery · 07/05/2021 12:15

I wouldn't know what to say anyway if he's being funny with me

Why are you letting him call the shots?

I repeat my question - does he come round yours just for sex?

sunrayscome · 07/05/2021 15:58

I had an ex who used to phone his daughter when he was with me - they started talking in a made up language and I use to cringe - had to leave the room for a pretend toilet break/ make a coffee it was awful!

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