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Original poster

Is this a bit rude or?

223 replies

sammy829 · 06/05/2021 18:45

I haven't seen my boyfriend in 4 days. He came over tonight and about 10 minutes later his son (8) FaceTimes him. No problem at all, but they've now been chatting for an hour. I have absolutely no issue with his son whatsoever, I'm just feeling a little put out that I've literally been ignored since he got here. There's still no sign of the phone call ending. He saw his son Sunday, Monday, yesterday and will have him all weekend.

If everyone would be fine with this then I'll be quiet, I promise Smile

OP posts:
Original poster
sammy829 · 07/05/2021 16:08

@OrchestraOfWankery Sorry I missed your first question - no it's not just for sex!

OP posts:
AlmostSummer21 · 07/05/2021 16:17

@sammy829

He definitely wasn't huffing because he was embarrassed!

He does have his son now until Tuesday (I remember him saying last week), but I'm not sure about the plans he has on Wednesday!

I won't message him first today, I wouldn't know what to say anyway if he's being funny with me Hmm

He was really rude. I'd dump him for being completely lacking in social skills.

Kids NEEDS come first, their whittering when you've made plans with someone else us NOT! But this is obviously not the kids fault, TWAT Should have said 'It's lovely to talk to you DS, but I need to go now, I'm looking forward to seeing you tomorrow ,for the weekend! Night son'.

It's so fucking rude to be in the phone for TWO HOURS on the one evening he's seeing you AND to monopolise the lounge.

THEN to be huffy when you spoke to him.

I'd have told him he was being a really rude test & to fuck off home, and (for good measure) to learn some social skills before he starts dating anyone else!!!

Carbara · 07/05/2021 18:02

Sounds like he came round to use your Wi-fi and presumably get fed/a shag, and is now punishing you for daring to suggest he was wasting your time. Never tolerate a sulking, flouncing male.

PerveenMistry · 08/05/2021 00:17

@cupoftea2021

Sounds like a Dad who is putting his responsibility of his child before you and your going to struggle. Good to hear a dad dropping everything and whatever to be there for his son.. as who knows what's going on. Today I needed to call and chat because sometimes we all need support It's not about times, length of call, competition it's about keeping it real. Why when your parent do you not see that! Good luck
Let him keep it real in his own home, not hers.
CandyLeBonBon · 08/05/2021 15:09

Let him keep it real in his own home, not hers.

Exactly!

Lipsmouth · 08/05/2021 15:16

Difficult one really, I also have an 8 year old DS and when he’s at his dads (eow and 1 day during the week) we have a few txts but that’s it and when DS is with ex his dad txts him. Neither of us call him for hours on end when he’s with the other parent. I view that as there time, plus I’m not sure my 8 year old would want to talk to me for that long 😂

Guavafish · 08/05/2021 15:22

Let it go

aSofaNearYou · 08/05/2021 15:29

@Guavafish

Let it go
Why should she?
Yesididmeantobesorude · 08/05/2021 15:34

It’s his child.. YABU! If you need more time with him just say so, if it’s not working then move on with someone who doesn’t have kids

Wow YABU! Sounds like a bloody good dad to me

I think if you are dating a man who is non resident parent to an 8 year old you have to accept that his son will always have first call on his time. Even when he has just arrived at your place

I find responses like this so strange.

I bet if you were meeting up with a friend for the first time in a while and she spent the first hour on FaceTime to her child you wouldn't get these same responses.

Somehow it's only ever considered perfectly normal polite behaviour to ignore the person you're supposed to be spending time with in favour of your child if that person is a new girlfriend.

In any other circumstance, with any other person it would be considered rude and pandering to the child.

Grandbisou · 08/05/2021 19:25

@Yesididmeantobesorude spot on

MrsClatterbuck · 08/05/2021 19:40

@Yesididmeantobesorude

It’s his child.. YABU! If you need more time with him just say so, if it’s not working then move on with someone who doesn’t have kids

Wow YABU! Sounds like a bloody good dad to me

I think if you are dating a man who is non resident parent to an 8 year old you have to accept that his son will always have first call on his time. Even when he has just arrived at your place

I find responses like this so strange.

I bet if you were meeting up with a friend for the first time in a while and she spent the first hour on FaceTime to her child you wouldn't get these same responses.

Somehow it's only ever considered perfectly normal polite behaviour to ignore the person you're supposed to be spending time with in favour of your child if that person is a new girlfriend.

In any other circumstance, with any other person it would be considered rude and pandering to the child.

This is what I was thinking so spot on.
Bbub · 08/05/2021 22:50

YANBU op and I also have a child of a similar age. 2 hours is an utter piss take. I would never spend 2 bloody hours chatting away when I was at someone else's house. If I had somehow not realised how long it had been I'd be really apologetic later.

A one off is one thing, we've all done something inconsiderate like that before probably without realising how it comes across, but you said it's not the first time.

If he doesn't come to his senses and realise how off he was and apologise then his attitude is just a reflection of how important you are to him sadly.

CherryLemonade · 08/05/2021 23:17

He was rude and disrespectful. If my dc of the same age called when I was with a partner I'd chat for ten minutes and then end the call (unless there was a problem) - presumably the child could have been chatting to their mother at home?

There's no harm in children knowing that sometimes their parents have things to do, would other parents cancel going for dinner/tennis/football or whatever simply to have a 2 hour non-urgent chat with their dc???

Onthedunes · 08/05/2021 23:45

@CherryLemonade

I would hate to be your child.

BlackDaffodil · 08/05/2021 23:52

He's beyond RUDE, and a moody Prick with it.

End this OP. 🌸

BlackDaffodil · 08/05/2021 23:53

@CherryLemonade

He was rude and disrespectful. If my dc of the same age called when I was with a partner I'd chat for ten minutes and then end the call (unless there was a problem) - presumably the child could have been chatting to their mother at home?

There's no harm in children knowing that sometimes their parents have things to do, would other parents cancel going for dinner/tennis/football or whatever simply to have a 2 hour non-urgent chat with their dc???

Totally agree @CherryLemonade

KurtWilde · 08/05/2021 23:55

Doesn't matter where I am in a social situation, my kids know they can chat to me for as long as they like. If any partner of mine had an issue with that I'd know I was with the wrong person.

BlackDaffodil · 09/05/2021 00:30

@KurtWilde

Doesn't matter where I am in a social situation, my kids know they can chat to me for as long as they like. If any partner of mine had an issue with that I'd know I was with the wrong person.
what rubbish..
KurtWilde · 09/05/2021 00:37

@BlackDaffodil for you maybe. Not for me. I've been a step parent for many years, I was never under any illusion that I would be prioritised over my partners DC, and the same applied to him with my DC.

Onthedunes · 09/05/2021 00:39

@BlackDaffodil .....what rubbish.

And there lies the difference, some parents put the children above all others and some parents don't.

You honestly don't get that some parents really do think their children are that important do you. More important than who you are currently dating.

BlackDaffodil · 09/05/2021 00:42

[quote Onthedunes]@BlackDaffodil .....what rubbish.

And there lies the difference, some parents put the children above all others and some parents don't.

You honestly don't get that some parents really do think their children are that important do you. More important than who you are currently dating.[/quote]

your talking absolute rubbish, no wag you'd take a video call at a funeral, or driving, or in a wine bar, or in your office meeting. Or perhaps you're leaving your children unattended so you NEED to answer all calls.. even at a funeral.

Rational people answer the call in a safely.

Nothing to do with abandoning your child, its answering your phone SAFELY.

Onthedunes · 09/05/2021 00:50

The op's partner was safe, he was at his girlfriend's house. His child is probably feeling neglected since his parents separated.

What is the harm in him putting the child first, op is not a child she should know a separated partner with children has to priorotise that child. I think it is good knowing the child has a good connection with his dad to the point they can talk for hours.

So what she doesn't see her boyfriend much , it's not the childs fault.

BlackDaffodil · 09/05/2021 00:51

@Onthedunes

The op's partner was safe, he was at his girlfriend's house. His child is probably feeling neglected since his parents separated.

What is the harm in him putting the child first, op is not a child she should know a separated partner with children has to priorotise that child. I think it is good knowing the child has a good connection with his dad to the point they can talk for hours.

So what she doesn't see her boyfriend much , it's not the childs fault.

You said you would answer you phone anywhere..

I say thats rubbish, and explained why.

JullyNea · 09/05/2021 00:53

This reply has been deleted

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Onthedunes · 09/05/2021 01:04

@BlackDaffodil

I think it was @KurtWilde who said that.

And I agree with her posts.
You are being pedantic, obviously there are times when you cannot pick up, but when you are in the throws of finding a new partner or easing into a new relationship with a woman who is not the child's mother is not one of them.

Do you know children feel insulted when fathers leave their mothers, they take it personally as though their genetic mother wasn't good enough ergo they are not good enough.
That's how children think, unfortunately some parents don't understand this and never will.

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