Is this a bit rude or?

[sammy829]

I haven't seen my boyfriend in 4 days. He came over tonight and about 10 minutes later his son (8) FaceTimes him. No problem at all, but they've now been chatting for an hour. I have absolutely no issue with his son whatsoever, I'm just feeling a little put out that I've literally been ignored since he got here. There's still no sign of the phone call ending. He saw his son Sunday, Monday, yesterday and will have him all weekend.

If everyone would be fine with this then I'll be quiet, I promise

I hope he’s gone? Are you okay?

@YarnOver

Kids come first. Always.

No they don't. It's more important for them learn that the world doesn't revolve around them.

I think it's really rude to do this in somebody else's home, regardless of who it is, and especially without being apologetic. If he's kicked off I would ditch him, he does not sound like a pleasant person who is ready to date.

@AnaViaSalamanca

Poor child he has to book a time to speak to his dad now? Other PP are right, it’s his child. He comes first.

Can’t you just sit and read or do some other stuff and act like he is not there? I mean you don’t have to be constantly interacting if you are around each other. Phone calls happen.

Sit and read quietly like a good girl?! Fuck that! I think he's being pretty rude actually and I bet he wouldn't chat to his son for 2 hours if he was round his mate's for beer and football

This is why I don't date men with kids. You're never, ever going to be a priority.

It would be different if the kid had an emergency - then of course it would be normal to talk to him, or leave to go and see him, but just general chit chat for over an hour, when he's spending time with his partner? When he's just spent the weekend with the boy? I think that's really rude, and I also don't think it's great for kids to grow up thinking they're the centre of the universe and that they can monopolise their parents' time whenever they feel like it. Would it have been so hard to take the call, chat for 10-20 minutes and then say 'Got to go now - X is waiting and she's made me a lovely dinner' or something?

I sometimes feel like I'm from another planet when I read this forum, but those are my views.

I think it's rude. Also I am amazed an 8 year old is wittering away on the phone for two hours.

@AnneLovesGilbert @RachelRaven I didn't feel like I could tell him to go home as it was his son his was talking to, but he didn't like what I said to him after, and has been huffy ever since. I'm going to go to bed!

You might already have surmised as much, but it’s probably a good idea to establish a few basic boundaries for your relationship and the times you spend together (obvs things will change with children on the scene), things like answering a phone call from a child on a ‘date night’ is ok but unless it’s something serious 20mins is long enough for a catch up, and if they want to chat for longer DP will call the next day.

You deserve so much better than this.

I’ve been a step mum for years. DH is a wonderful dad but he’s also an incredible husband. They’re not mutually exclusive. While being with someone who already has children isn’t straight forward it shouldn’t make you feel less important, taken for granted or less worthy of consideration and care. If he’d pulled a stunt like this in the early days I wouldn’t have seen him again. If that had happened he wouldn’t have the life he enjoys now which includes his older children, me and our daughter.

Please kick him out before he’s had breakfast and break up with him.

YANBU. If it were an emergency that is one thing, but if it is a general chat, and he has come to see you, he should be ending it sooner. I would be really hacked off if I were you.

It's his kid.

Yes, I'd be fine with it.

Should he end the call with his kid in favour of you? No.

He's being a great dad. Love that.

@Ponchek2

It's his kid.

Yes, I'd be fine with it.

Should he end the call with his kid in favour of you? No.

He's being a great dad. Love that.

Yes, love sitting in your living room in silence for two hours while your guest takes a call, then gets angry about it 🙄

OP, he is still in your house being huffy and rude to you?!

What do you mean by he didn't like it?

Far too many women on here with very, very low expectations of men. OP, ignore them. Don't ignore your instinct. That’s a shitty way to behave and far too many women will paw over a rude, inconsiderate and selfish man, if the alternative is no man.

This is a tricky one. I experienced something similar the other morning with my OH (we don't live together, and mine had gone off for the day with their dad).

He spent an hour on the phone to his ex about his daughter, so I had to creep about and get dressed in my daughter's room as I didn't want to make a noise and cause a fuss if she'd heard me and the call went on FOREVER!

I did say afterwards that, whilst I understand he needs to be able to talk stuff through with his ex, if it happens again, could he please at least take himself off downstairs so I don't have to creep around in my own house.

So I'm a bit on the fence with this. But two hours sounds pretty full on.

Yes it's rude. A quick conversation is fine but 2 hours is ridiculous. There was no need for it to be that long. He sees the child regularly.

@YarnOver

Kids come first. Always.

I disagree.

Their needs come first, but not their wants. At eight, he's old enough to understand that daddy's busy and that he'll see him tomorrow.

He wouldn't leave the pub or a gig or a football match to take the call

I can absolutely guarantee that if he'd been in the pub with his mates, he wouldn't have had a 2 hour long phone call with his 8 year old! So why is it ok in the OPs home? It isn't ok!!

That was very rude of him. He should at least have moved out of your living room.

YANBU.

I think if he wants to spend the night on phone with his kids he should stay home and not take up space at OP's house.

I totally agree. Children should come first and missed phone calls should be avoided, but this is rude. Have the phone call first before coming over (if it's planned) or make it shorter. And if it is planned, why is he double booking either of you? How ignorant.
What are you supposed to do? Just potter about until he's happily finished? Your time was earmarked for him! What could they still be talking about an hour later when he seen DS yesterday?

No - YANBU.

I think it's rude. But I think it depends - was there a crisis his DS was trying to sort out? If so, ok. But if it was general chit chat / normal stuff then I think it was very rude. After 30 mins it would be fine to say ok son, lovely to talk to you but I must go now. See you tomorrow and we'll talk more then. If the latter, I think next time I would quietly hand him his coat and herd him to the door. Why should you tip toe round and have your evening ruined?

[quote sammy829]**@AnneLovesGilbert* @RachelRaven* I didn't feel like I could tell him to go home as it was his son his was talking to, but he didn't like what I said to him after, and has been huffy ever since. I'm going to go to bed![/quote]
Oh he's one of those.

He should have apologised profusely - instead he's sulking.

You can do better, sammy. Don't allow yourself to be huffed at in your own home by this arrogant prick.

That's just rude. A short phone call fine but 2 hours and now he's in a mood. Sod that!

I'm positive after rtft that this wasn't a planned fall and he is out of order

he didn't like what I said to him after, and has been huffy ever since. I'm going to go to bed!

Brilliant, so because of his behaviour it ruined your whole night and was an absolute waste of your time. Sorry op. I wouldn't be pushing this to work out if he cannot see it from your POV and thinks YABU.

I don't. I think you're completely reasonable. I would not have been so calm 2 hours later and my DP definitely wouldn't like what I was saying either (truth hurts!!) I'd tear him a new arsehole fuck that.

Naaa i wouldnt be having that at all. Hes there to see you. All this behaviour creates is resentment and jealousy towards the child.