Page 6 | Is this a bit rude or?

sammy829 · 2021-05-06T17:45:55+00:00

I haven't seen my boyfriend in 4 days. He came over tonight and about 10 minutes later his son (8) FaceTimes him. No problem at all, but they've now been chatting for an hour. I have absolutely no issue with his son whatsoever, I'm just feeling a little put out that I've literally been ignored since he got here. There's still no sign of the phone call ending. He saw his son Sunday, Monday, yesterday and will have him all weekend. If everyone would be fine with this then I'll be quiet, I promise [smile]

Original poster

sammy829 · 09/05/2021 01:16

Hi, I just wanted to mention a couple of things! DP and his ex split up when his child was a toddler. His child has no memories of them ever being together.

The relationship with my DP is not new, we've been together a fair while now!

OP posts:

Onthedunes · 09/05/2021 01:26

@sammy829

It makes no difference the child still obviously wants his dad. And if you have been together a while, why would this phone call annoy you so much, I mean does his child often do this when you are together, stay on the phone for 2 hours?

He cannot blot his reponsibilities out whilst he sees you, that is being unreasonable and demanding.
You can't live in a bubble, that's a fairytale and the relationship will not progress if you expect that.

memberofthewedding · 09/05/2021 01:30

I agree with the posters who said its rude and inconsiderate. He could have taken the call and then cut it short after a few minutes. It would be a valuable lesson for his son that he cant have everything in life at the drop of a hat. Children need to be put back into their box from time to time and taught that its an adult world.

I would probably be voicing my disappointment and ending this relationship if it happens again.

Original poster

sammy829 · 09/05/2021 01:34

@Onthedunes I think coming over to my house (the one night I was seeing him that week), taking a phone call in my living room, putting earphones in whilst on the call and me being completely ignored for 2 hours is rude. I was unable to even watch TV as he was so loud.

I have a DC of my own and I wouldn't behave this way.

If that makes me unreasonable and demanding then so be it!

OP posts:

Hannsmum · 09/05/2021 01:34

Yup this..ita just courtesy..doesn't change the fact that his son is priority.

You are human .I don't think you are BU.

Onthedunes · 09/05/2021 01:49

@sammy829

Do you only have one room in your house, you have known him a while, you just ask him to take it elsewhere while you crack on watching TV.

What I'm saying is if you wan't this relationship to be permanant then prioritising his child above you is going to make you look like a good step parent.

If you're just in it for shits and giggles then I suppose you can call it rude but if you both want more then I think ultimately you are incompatible as he appears to put parenthood above your ideas of parenthood.

Justilou1 · 09/05/2021 01:56

2hrs is plain rude. No way around it. Were you expected to feed & shag him after that? No way.

CherryLemonade · 09/05/2021 06:45

[quote Onthedunes]@CherryLemonade

I would hate to be your child.[/quote]
Wow that's a bit strong. Should I be telling my boss that I may have to take random 2 hours out from my full-time job to chat about non-urgent things with my kids?

My kids have a father perfectly capable of taking care of their emotional and conversational needs whilst in his care. I go to work/see friends/dates and have never needed to take more than a few minutes for a non-urgent call with them.

I left their dad, presumably they think their biological dad wasn't good enough for their mum using your logic? Nothing wrong with knowing their mum has certain expectations in life, they have a great life with me.

KurtWilde · 09/05/2021 08:23

@BlackDaffodil I said any SOCIAL situation. You're being ridiculous. Do you consider a funeral a social situation

Onthedunes · 09/05/2021 09:51

@CherryLemonade

I think @KurtWilde says it, any social situation ie: not at work.

i fully understand your logic, but I still feel a child after separation needs more reasuring than a child whose parents are still together. I wouldn't say to my child I need a social life, I can only give you a few minutes as I'm busy entertaining a replacement partner for myself.

Grandbisou · 09/05/2021 10:35

I think too many people are prioritising the child without reading the context. The father left when the child was 2 and is now 8. It’s not like a recent separation. At 2 there will be likely no memory of the father even being at home! The father had seen the child nearly every day before this call and was seeing him the next day for multiple days. He was having one night with op.
There was no need to hog ops living room and spend 2 hours on a call with his son!
There was also no need for him to get the rage with op for her feeling upset with this.
He was seeing his son the next day , simply could have said ‘ I’ve got something planned tonight or with op and let’s have a really good catch up tomorrow okay’
I have dc and am more than happy to show them that as much as I adore them and they are a priority, the entire universe doesn’t revolve around them. I have a life as does my dh. That makes for unspoilt kids in my book.

CupoTeap · 09/05/2021 10:40

You should have put the tv on, he could have gone to a different room.

KurtWilde · 09/05/2021 11:20

The OPs DP was clearly happy to chat with his son for 2 hours. How long he's been the NRP isn't relevant. It's almost as if some people actually like they're children. Who knew

KurtWilde · 09/05/2021 11:21

*their

Phone hates me today.

aSofaNearYou · 09/05/2021 11:23

@Onthedunes He isn't putting his child above OP, he's putting his entitlement above good manners. He could have taken the call from his son if he felt it was imperative, but taken himself into a different room (should not have needed prompting by OP), and been apologetic about wasting her time that night. I would not have continued the phone call for that length of time, I don't think I've ever had one that long, incidentally, but the phonecall itself is not the core issue here. You're basically defending this man's rights to be really, really rude.

MiddleParking · 09/05/2021 11:25

@KurtWilde

The OPs DP was clearly happy to chat with his son for 2 hours. How long he's been the NRP isn't relevant. It's almost as if some people actually like they're children. Who knew

The point is that OP wasn’t happy for her living room to be the call centre for two hours

KurtWilde · 09/05/2021 11:28

I know what the point is. But if OP doesn't like it that's down to her to be proactive not him to change how he chooses to parent. She says they've been together for a while. So is this the first time he's done if? Or is it a regular occurrence? Only OP knows what she's willing to live with and if she doesn't like it then she's perfectly at liberty to end the relationship. But if she has ideas of becoming step parent to his DS at some point then I'm afraid she'll have to relax a bit on how he chooses to parent.

aSofaNearYou · 09/05/2021 11:34

@KurtWilde

I know what the point is. But if OP doesn't like it that's down to her to be proactive not him to change how he chooses to parent. She says they've been together for a while. So is this the first time he's done if? Or is it a regular occurrence? Only OP knows what she's willing to live with and if she doesn't like it then she's perfectly at liberty to end the relationship. But if she has ideas of becoming step parent to his DS at some point then I'm afraid she'll have to relax a bit on how he chooses to parent.

No it's NOT down to her. When people are being rude, it's down to THEM to be aware and put a stop to it. If I were on a call in someone else's house that wasn't a quick one, I would automatically say "sorry, do you mind if I go in the bedroom for a bit" and excuse myself. Because it is rude. It is not up to her to tell him he is being rude, he should know he is being rude. And he should have absolutely known to be contrite afterwards, not throw a strop.

aSofaNearYou · 09/05/2021 11:37

You're talking as if her living room is fair game to him. He's a guest in her house. If I walked into my neighbours house to have a phonecall with my kid, I wouldn't be saying to them "it's not for you to dictate how I parent", because that would be totally beside the point. It IS for them to dictate what happens in their living room. It is the same here. He should not have assumed free reign of her living room to do this, he was a guest.

MrsHastingslikethebattle · 09/05/2021 11:42

Its so rude.

Dont let him give you 'kids come first' patronising shit. Its basic manners.

If he wanted to talk to his son, he could have rang him before he came to your house. He could have kept the conversation short and said to his son, well I have to go I'll speak to you tomorrow.
Its not like he was going days without seeing him.

Its inconsiderate and rude.

MiddleParking · 09/05/2021 11:43

You’re afraid she’ll have to relax a bit, are you? Or what? Her arsehole boyfriend might not like it?

aSofaNearYou · 09/05/2021 11:56

@MiddleParking

You’re afraid she’ll have to relax a bit, are you? Or what? Her arsehole boyfriend might not like it?

Indeed. The kind of people that defend this kind of rude behaviour from parents always talk as if their partners should consider themselves lucky to have the opportunity to date them, and prove themselves worthy of the honour 🙄

Grandbisou · 09/05/2021 11:58

@KurtWilde

I know what the point is. But if OP doesn't like it that's down to her to be proactive not him to change how he chooses to parent. She says they've been together for a while. So is this the first time he's done if? Or is it a regular occurrence? Only OP knows what she's willing to live with and if she doesn't like it then she's perfectly at liberty to end the relationship. But if she has ideas of becoming step parent to his DS at some point then I'm afraid she'll have to relax a bit on how he chooses to parent.

Ridiculous

Onthedunes · 09/05/2021 13:22

If the op has been seeing her partner for a while then she must feel comfortable enough to ask him to take the call elsewhere in the house. Where the call was taken is just another excuse for her to make him sound bad, the crux of the matter is she is dating and she wanted to be first in his list of priorities.

The boy is eight, for the first five years he probably couldn't hold a conversation properly with his dad on the phone. At eight he wants his dad, he maybe going through a phase of seeing his friends with their dads living with them and being arround all the time.
It is a time when they question things, why is my dad not here?
Why was I not good enough for him to stay.
A whole range of emotions that children do not understand, it is a crucial age in their development for feeling wanted, when he gets to twelve or something he may not need that reasurance quite so much he will be playing video games and playing out with friends.
Surely people must understrand he is still very young and impressionable. Children can become quite obsesive at this age with the parent who has left, it is called insecurity.
This man wasn't on the phone with his friends or work colleages, you can't forsee every call a child will make and they should never be put into an appointment system to fit into your life when you have abandoned them.
Maybe I'm wrong.

aSofaNearYou · 09/05/2021 13:27

If the op has been seeing her partner for a while then she must feel comfortable enough to ask him to take the call elsewhere in the house. Where the call was taken is just another excuse for her to make him sound bad, the crux of the matter is she is dating and she wanted to be first in his list of priorities.

Absolute bollocks. Why should she have to tell him he is being rude? Why do we teach anyone about manners if we expect other people to have to tell to them every time they are being rude?

She doesn't need to an excuse to make him sound bad, he DOES sound bad.

Ignore all the emotive stuff about why his kid wants to ring him because that is not the point, can you please answer the above about appropriate manners in somebody else's home?