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Original poster

DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

953 replies

DataColour · 05/05/2021 21:34

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

OP posts:
Original poster
DataColour · 05/05/2021 22:04

But his daily controlling is putting me right off going anywhere with him

OP posts:
OnTheHuntForAHome · 05/05/2021 22:05

Is he controlling with any thing else? Major alarm bells ringing here.

imsoinmyhead · 05/05/2021 22:05

We both practically run to put on our joggers/pjs as soon as we get home from work.

Your husband sounds like an oppressive douchebag.

BarryTheKestrel · 05/05/2021 22:06

He'd hate me. Since working from home it's a rare day I'm not in leggings/joggers and a hoody all day, let alone just in the evenings.

I often used to stay in my work wear of an evening but that was more because I was run off my feet the second I got through the door and by the time I had time it was almost bed time anyway.

I'd say, given your his only relationship and he clearly knows no woman other than you closely enough to see them in their comfies at home, he has no idea what 'other' women do.

CoolCatTaco · 05/05/2021 22:06

I think his behaviour is strange and troubling. Does he try to control you in other ways? It sounds like he thinks you should present a pleasing image for his gratification all the time.
What's he like with your DC?

Justlovedogs · 05/05/2021 22:06

OP - if other women (according to your DH) don't do this, I clearly wouldn't fit in his world. Got home at 6.40 this evening after an interview, said hi to DH, went straight upstairs and came back down in the joggers and t shirt I was wearing this morning! Will wear joggers until the weekend when I'll put them in for washing and start a clean pair. YANBU in the slightest.

ImInStealthMode · 05/05/2021 22:06

@DataColour

Together for 21 years. It's the only relationship he's had, but he claims that no other women change out of day clothes before bedtime.
WTF? Does he actually KNOW any other Women? I am in either lounge wear, PJs or (if I might need to pop out of the door again) comfy active wear almost immediately that I get home for the day.

I can't think of a single female friend or relation that doesn't do the same, to a greater or lesser degree.

OnTheHuntForAHome · 05/05/2021 22:06

Ask him how he knows what time other women get their lounge wear on? For me it's tea time when I know I'm not leaving the house.

And even so, YOU can do what ever you like, he doesn't get a say!

MeadowHay · 05/05/2021 22:06

Wtf? I thought most people changed into PJs or lounge wear in the evenings at home? Tbh DH spends most his evenings just in a PJ top and boxer shorts if it's warm enough, with dressing gown if needed so he's certainly not going to expect any more of me Grin.

Longsleepneeded · 05/05/2021 22:06

Pj's for me as soon as I've had a shower, sometimes this is 3pm!! Dh does the same. It doesn't matter what anyone else does or doesn't do. You do what you're comfortable with in your own home! How dare he?

trilbydoll · 05/05/2021 22:06

If I've worn a skirt to work I change into pj bottoms because skirts / tights aren't particularly comfortable to sit around in and there doesn't seem much point making something else dirty. If I've been at home all day I am always in shorts and I just wear them until bedtime.

twilightermummy · 05/05/2021 22:07

Jeez. Of all the mad things I’ve read on here, this one is up there!
You are absolutely right to be concerned by this x

imsoinmyhead · 05/05/2021 22:07

Oh I should also add, I practically live in my dressing gown at home. It's supposed to be white but it had gone a rather nasty shade of grey with multiple dinner stains on it.

I've just managed to wash it.

Your husband would be agog at that!!

Stickyjamhands · 05/05/2021 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/05/2021 22:08

@AllHallowsEve14

This is...just fucking weird! Everyone I know puts comfy stuff on as soon as they get home. Fuck him!
Yeah, but I wouldn't bother at 9pm. If I wasn't changing till then I'd change into my PJs.
frazzledasarock · 05/05/2021 22:08

@DataColour

Together for 21 years. It's the only relationship he's had, but he claims that no other women change out of day clothes before bedtime.
He’s right. I wear PJ’s all day long.

I do not know anyone who wears smart work clothes all day at home.

I get hone from work bra comes off and pjs go on. Except now I WFH I simply stay in PJ’s, sometimes throw a hoodie on on top if I need to have the camera on during a meeting.

Has your DH always been like this?

getyourfreakon · 05/05/2021 22:08

I get changed into an oversized band tshirt and pj pants the minute I walk through the door. He's an arsehole. Why shouldn't you be comfortable in your own home?

Original poster
DataColour · 05/05/2021 22:09

@CoolCatTaco

I think his behaviour is strange and troubling. Does he try to control you in other ways? It sounds like he thinks you should present a pleasing image for his gratification all the time. What's he like with your DC?
He is controlling with the DC's too. I'm happy to let them wear their pyjamas at the weekends till midmorning but he insists on them getting changed soon after breakfast. It's like being in the army.
OP posts:
crazeelala2u · 05/05/2021 22:09

@DataColour

He's a teacher and is in a suit all day or cycling gear as he cycles to work. Then he changes into jeans/trousers and top till bedtime. I wear the hoodie and jogging bottoms perhaps 2/3 times before washing, is this skanky of me? But his main objection is that I get out of my day clothes. Utterly fed up with it. Everyone I go to put my evening clothes on I have to listen to him complain. He's an idiot.
Every day I walk in the door, head upstairs and put leggings and and oversized tshirt on for the night. I don't want to wear constricting jeans or my work shirts when I'm not at work. It's fuzzy socks and comfy clothes. Personally, my partner likes it because it's all easier access. LOL
PattyPan · 05/05/2021 22:09

I never even considered changing out of my smart clothes after work so no not everyone does that. But that doesn’t change the fact that he’s being a huge arse!

Jenala · 05/05/2021 22:10

Maybe your DH needs to read this thread and see how many women (myself included) change into comfy clothes. I'm sometimes changed by 4pm/5pm depending on the day!

NiceGerbil · 05/05/2021 22:10

He is putting his preference of what you look like to him over your comfort in your own home.
He is getting v angry and storming out when you don't do what he wants/ you disagree with him.
He is trying to make you do what he says by comparing you negatively to other women even though he's wrong and he must know it when he claims no other women get into joggers etc.

That's really not good OP and you say you are tired of his controlling behaviour which indicates there may be other things. But if not his behaviour on this is really awful.

No OP his behaviour is not normal it's horrible and his reaction is really worrying.

Cavagirl · 05/05/2021 22:10

This is batshit.

Has he articulated specifically what it is he objects to?

user1471505494 · 05/05/2021 22:10

@JetBlackSteed

He's the odd one not changing, surely? Everyone does. What does he stay "dressed" in? Office wear or jeans?
I know very few people who change when they get home
toolazytothinkofausername · 05/05/2021 22:10

@DataColour

Together for 21 years. It's the only relationship he's had, but he claims that no other women change out of day clothes before bedtime.
My favourite part of the day is arriving home after the school run, taking my bra off and putting my lounge wear on Grin