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Original poster

DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

953 replies

DataColour · 05/05/2021 21:34

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

OP posts:
tootiredtospeak · 05/05/2021 22:11

Maybe he is having some sort of strange crisis where he wants to control what's in his little circle as he cant control what's going on it the world. 21 years is a lot to throw away over lounge wear. I would make it clear to him you dont want to stay in your day clothes and its loungewear or PJs non negotiable. He doesn't get to tell you how to dress when to have a shower or anything else and if he keeps stroppong about it when the times comes that things are open he will be doing stuff alone as the more he behaves like this the less you want to be around him.

CandyLeBonBon · 05/05/2021 22:12

He is controlling with the DC's too. I'm happy to let them wear their pyjamas at the weekends till midmorning but he insists on them getting changed soon after breakfast. It's like being in the army.

My ex is the same. One of the many reasons he's an ex!

Standrewsschool · 05/05/2021 22:13

For me, it’s bra off and joggers on after work also.

@tootiredtospeak

This also.

Mumbot345635 · 05/05/2021 22:13

I change into pjs at 7 o’clock when the kids get their pjs on. I don’t care what my OH thinks of this and he wouldn’t dare say anything. Everyone wears comfy clothes at home.
On the kids getting dressed - this is fine as long as he is dressing them and not expecting you too!

AnaViaSalamanca · 05/05/2021 22:13

Hmm I am not English so maybe it’s that, but I can’t dream of wearing pajamas outside bedroom. I find it a bit odd if someone does unless they are unwell.

Maybe he grew up this way and finds it disrespectful

Dwrcegin · 05/05/2021 22:13

Pyjamas on as soon as I get through the door. Wearing work clothes until bed, no thanks. He is being silly.

MrsTumbletap · 05/05/2021 22:14

I change into pajamas and a dressing gown within minutes of getting home. Sometimes it's 5pm and me or my DH couldn't care less.

You DH is trying to control you which is ridiculous. You are allowed to be comfy in your own home.

Gone are the days of women having to fix themselves up for when the man comes home. If you like doing it fine, but no one ‘should’.

Mumbot345635 · 05/05/2021 22:14

It sounds horrid and I’m sorry for raising it but if this is new behaviour for him my guess would be his mind is starting to wander with another woman and he’s starting to set up the narrative of you are to blame because you didn’t try hard enough

osbertthesyrianhamster · 05/05/2021 22:15

@AnaViaSalamanca

Hmm I am not English so maybe it’s that, but I can’t dream of wearing pajamas outside bedroom. I find it a bit odd if someone does unless they are unwell.

Maybe he grew up this way and finds it disrespectful

The OP is wearing loungewear, though, not PJs.

How surprising, he's a controlling dick in other ways, said no one ever.

Again, these things never exist in a vacuum.

Sunnyday321 · 05/05/2021 22:15

Me = at work , come home , shower , put on pjs and dressing gown. At least you are dressed !
I'd be tempted to put on your very best item of clothing ( ball gown ) if poss . Put on a really over the top exaggerated make up , lay the table as if royalty were coming to eat and serve up beans on toast !

OnTheHuntForAHome · 05/05/2021 22:16

Please consider leaving him

Fluffycloudland77 · 05/05/2021 22:16

I get straight into pjs most days now 🤷🏻‍♀️

You don’t sound very happy with him as a dh though.

CoolCatTaco · 05/05/2021 22:16

Ah, that's no way to live! Has he lost the run of himself being in charge of a bunch of kids that he can push around all day?
He's totally and utterly unreasonable, a weird and controlling fun sponge! I'd tell him to back off & have a think about what way he'd like his future to pan out, and if he wants you in it...

Sally2791 · 05/05/2021 22:17

WTAF! it’s none of his business what you wear. Perhaps you should exit when you don’t approve of his clothes.
I hear and read so much shit about men, but this is a new one.

FKATondelayo · 05/05/2021 22:17

Don't show him this thread.

He sounds controlling and it seems to be escalating. Trying to prove him wrong isn't the route to go down. He won't change his mind.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/05/2021 22:17

It's the only relationship he's had, but he claims that no other women change out of day clothes before bedtime.

Not only is he a controlling prick, he's delusional and really stupid, too. I don't know anyone who doesn't change almost immediately upon getting home.

I would not tolerate this bullshit, op, and you shouldn't either. He's not your keeper.

windisblowing · 05/05/2021 22:18

He sounds like a knob. Very controlling.

Mangofandangoo · 05/05/2021 22:19

What kind of sicko sits round the house in jeans 🤷🏻‍♀️

noirchatsdeux · 05/05/2021 22:19

I'm not working and was/is CEV so I've spent the last year rotating in 5 nighties...2 look more like dresses so if I've had my exH coming around (my only visitor during this time) I've worn one of those. They get washed when they feel a bit manky/I've got food all over them, whichever comes first. I can still count on both hands the number of times I've gone 'out' and worn 'normal' clothes. I finally got to see my partner of nearly 11 years in the middle of last month (he lives/works 200 miles away)...I didn't change that routine for him and if he'd dare say anything he would have been back on the next train home.

What I wear in the comfort and privacy of my own home is nobody else's business. Tell him to fuck off back to the 50s where he belongs.

LouLou789 · 05/05/2021 22:19

Wow, we have our tea quite early, wash up, watch a bit of telly then go for showers. By 7pm latest, both in PJs. Even before lockdown.

Redwinestillfine · 05/05/2021 22:19

By 8-9pm I'm in my Pyjamas! Who are these ' normal' women of whom he speaks? If he's storming off there's something else....Is he feeling neglected? Resentful about something (however irational)... Either way the storming off needs to stop.

LadyLolaRuben · 05/05/2021 22:19

Lounge pants and vest top with a hoodie gets put on here once I'm home for the night. Why sit around in less comfortable clothes and potentially ruin them from splashes cooking or cleaning etc? Children in PJs mid morning is fine - they're up and dressed for school during the week. They need to be comfy and relax. What you describe sounds controlling. He needs to leave giving orders at work. YANBU

noirchatsdeux · 05/05/2021 22:20

*finally got to see my partner after a gap of 8 months...

Tisforptarmigan · 05/05/2021 22:20

Well I get in my pyjamas and dressing gown as soon as I can. Take off make up too.

How can you possibly lie down in comfort to watch tv in 'day clothes'? Madness.

lucy5236 · 05/05/2021 22:22

@Jobsharenightmare

I hate lounge wear and wouldn't want my husband to save his best self for others and I think clothes are part of this so wouldn't want him to wear a tracksuit for me but make an effort for others....but I certainly wouldn't react like your DH.

I guess to me it's about if you are still making an effort or just taking each other for granted; maybe he's trying to say something more meaningful here about your relationship?

@Jobsharenightmare It's not about saving "your best selfs for others" 🙄 so 1950s housewife state of mind.

It's more about looking respectable in public and wearing appropriate clothes to work, then being able to fully relax at home and be comfortable. If you can't be yourselves in your own house with each other then what's the point?
Dressing up to impress during the dating phase is one thing. Years into a marriage and still feeling the need to keep up a facade is ridiculous, never mind tiring.

This actually sounds like one of the posts that will end up in the daily mail 😂