DH not happy that I change clothes in the evening

[DataColour]

Not brave enough to put this in AIBU.

I'm sick of DH telling me off for changing into "lounge wear" typically a hoodie and trackie bottoms in the evening. He says I look nice during the day when I am at work ( casual dress code) but in the evening as the kids are going to bed 8-9pm I change out of day clothes. Isn't this normal? He wants me to stay "dressed" till I go to bed (which is what he does). I want to tell him to f off.
He's just stormed out of the house because I'd dare to put a pair of joggers and a hoodie on. I've had enough of his 1950s attitude. It really upsets me.

🤣 jeans and a Breton 🤣🤣🙄

Have we just fallen out of love with non-elastic waistbands?

Yes

I wear pyjamas, wellies, an apron and a raincoat most evenings as I pop outside to care for animals.
Nobody in my home would dream of making a negative comment or trying to manipulate me with their mood.
If they did, I would remind them that I am an adult, living in a free country and I would do a Kim Jong-Un face swap of all their social media pictures, so the world could see them for what they really are.

This thread really doesn’t tally with the threads on whether you wear your shoes at home, unless you’re all wearing trainers with your pjs 🤔

I0NA
Has anyone actually said appearances are everything?

It's a bit of a stretch to go from people saying them and their partners don't go straight to loungewear to concluding that people only have sex as a reward for dressing or grooming themselves in pre-agreed ways and probably dump their partners due to illness or old age.
What a bizarre conclusion to jump to.

Ummmm... physical attraction, which involves some visual elements, is crucial to maintaining most long-term romantic relationships.

Ummmm....physical attraction based solely on clothing is shallow and meaningless. I find my husband attractive whether he is wearing jeans or his muppet slouchy trousers.

I wear a corporate uniform which is polyester and very uncomfortable. I also work shifts so I can get tired. As soon as I'm home I get into my PJs and slippers. My husband also works mad hours and has a very physical job, so he's a bit sweaty when he gets home. His uniform comes off, and the joggers and old t-shirt goes on. Sometimes he wears a hoodie. I think this is normal with many families and couples now. Unless we are expecting visitors we wear loungewear or sleepwear.

I am annoyed with some people saying women should dress in things the man likes. I dress for myself. If I look good I feel good, and it has fuck all to do with the man.

Also the OPs partner is quite controlling. I think she should consider their future together.

@MintyMabel

Ummmm... physical attraction, which involves some visual elements, is crucial to maintaining most long-term romantic relationships.

Ummmm....physical attraction based solely on clothing is shallow and meaningless. I find my husband attractive whether he is wearing jeans or his muppet slouchy trousers.

Good for you. I guess I must be very shallow because the idea of muppet slouchy trousers (which sound heinous) let alone the sight of them would put me right off. The sanctimony and one upmanship on this thread as to who is the least shallow is hilarious. From when earliest man or woman mixed pigments to make the earliest form of makeup and presumably wanted animal skin clothes which fell at just the right place on the leg, humans have, in the main, cared about how they looked for as long as they have been around. And clothes and how they appear on the body, the level of 'effort' they signify, what they say about our tastes, our social class, our confidence or otherwise, are a huge part of that. Our level of attractiveness to potential mates is also a factor in how many people dress and present themselves and is not anything to be ashamed of or shamed for. I myself dont wear makeup, am very low maintenance but as I always tell my daughter who is on the Greta Thunberg end of things, you can be a serious person and wear lipstick. Not every person who wears fecking jeans (jeans!) in the evening is some shallow dolly and none of you who take the purely comfort route are necessarily deeper people with deeper more loving connections. That kind of binary thinking is itself evidence of very shallow thinking

Can I file for divorce on someone else's behalf?
He sounds like an utter pinecone.

‘Is it the kind of thing you have to wear Hard Pants for?’

This is gold

I'm generally home about 6. I often go to bed at 9 to read. If I'm not going anywhere, what's the point in changing into in between clothes for 3 hours?

It’s not so much the pros and cons of changing into comfortable clothes as the storming off that the problem here. That’s a level of entitlement over another person’s decision of what to wear and how to relax in their home that I find disturbing. It’s controlling.

@Wearywithteens

“DADZ Chill ladies. Think about the mans POV.”

Yes sums it up. Stfu and think about putting men first. Cheers mate for that stunning men-centred tone deaf and utterly moronic piece of advice! Now dfod.

You ladies arent getting it. Its a form of physical sarcasm. I should have mentioned, THAT BOTH OF THEM, should occasionally do something special for the other. Im not sure what would please her, but HE needs to find out and occasionally pull it off. And SHE should hopefully want to occasionally do what I suggested. Marriage is about compromise, not demanding "your" rights, as is so often expressed here. Wonder why divorce rate is so high? Just read the majority of responses here. I have talked to a number of WOMEN who are over 70 and married still, and asked there opinion, and they universally agreed my idea is a great one, and thats how they are. Their husbands would occasionally come home and unexpectedly take them out for dinner instead of them having to cook. (in those days for the most part, women didnt work) DONT THROW THE BABY OUT WITH THE BATH WATER

Nothing wrong with doing nice things for each other…storming off though and demanding certain outfits…not acceptable.

@MidsummerMimi

I wear pyjamas, wellies, an apron and a raincoat most evenings as I pop outside to care for animals. Nobody in my home would dream of making a negative comment or trying to manipulate me with their mood. If they did, I would remind them that I am an adult, living in a free country and I would do a Kim Jong-Un face swap of all their social media pictures, so the world could see them for what they really are.

Love this. And of course the animals are not going to give two hoots about what you are wearing!

I did a zumba class this afternoon and am still here in leggings and a Flashdance top. Good that Chris Hemsworth can't see me, eh?

I really really fancy my husband in his suit. I’m dying to tear it off him. If he wore a tracksuit I would tear it off him for completely different reasons. My ex was in the army. In his dress uniform I positively drooled over him. I. Slightly loos Levi’s it’s lucky he was funny and kind. Because he looked very nothing like as sexy.

I always consider work clothes like outdoor clothes and changed straight away, mostly for hygienic reasons. DH is the same. And all relatives. And friends.
You can have nice but comfy clothes to wear at home.

I agree with those who find men more attractive in certain clothes (which doesn't mean they can't be attractive in other stuff, too.)

But no way should he be trying to make you dress a certain way, having a go at your personal clothing choices, and storming around etc @DataColour xx

Actually thinking about this I have clothes for different times of the day and this actually saves washing

So I have a pair of dog walking jeans. These will get muddy and I'll wear them more than once and keep them entirely for that job. If I wore my work clothes they'd need to be immediately washed.

Work clothes get changed out of and don't get washed unless dirty, the garment closest to me body (vest, T-shirt etc) would be washed but not the cardigan or jumper. The trousers or skirt would be worn again.

Then I have my comfies, these aren't washed after a couple of hours wear. If I spill my tea on these then of course I'd wash them but it doesn't matter if they get stained (I'm a messy eater 🤣)

I just think we need to be comfortable for each situating!!

@MintyMabel mine is too! He is attractive as a package!

He's actually most attractive in his work uniform but he'd never wear that at home around the house 🤣

My DH has a good job in construction and looks fit it in his shirt, Jeans and boots but I do like he has a shower and puts his lounge wear on in the evening. I always shower and put my lounge wear on. At the weekend I make an effort. Surely knowing your partner has showered and smells nice means you've made an effort.

@Lunettesloupes

Nothing wrong with doing nice things for each other…storming off though and demanding certain outfits…not acceptable.

agree. Problem is, somebody has to break that chain of behavior. Let the bigger, not physically lol, person take the lead. Thats why I suggested she occasionally dress "up" for him, willingly, instead of demanding her rights. Hopefully he will learn to follow suit. Of course sometimes the other spouse will not respond kindly no matter what you do, then you just have to start ignoring their complaints. I always found it odd and deceptive, and destructive to a relationship that when "courting" we get all dressed up, but once married, we take the other for granted.

His demands must be placed in the wider context of the objectification of women, the idea that women exist for men to look at and to have sex with, the idea that women out and about minding their own business can be interrupted verbally by men, and their appearance commented upon, also the assumption that women dress for men, specifically, in order to get a man.

The word 'deceptive' really stands out here, a real clanger.

It's as if this man is justified in complaining that he is a victim of false advertising. Have you seen any of those stupid 'Take Her Swimming on the First Date' memes popular among the Very Inadequate Male community online?

The assumption that makeup is false advertising is based on the phallo-centric idea that women present themselves to men as a product 24/7, and should do this - but when we don't put on makeup, or when we turn some inadequate specimen down, we're clearly man hating lesbians or 'feminazis'.

It's completely circular reasoning, a fine example of the very fragile male ego.

Women can't win.

You ladies arent getting it. Its a form of physical sarcasm. I should have mentioned, THAT BOTH OF THEM, should occasionally do something special for the other. Im not sure what would please her, but HE needs to find out and occasionally pull it off. And SHE should hopefully want to occasionally do what I suggested.Marriage is about compromise, not demanding "your" rights, as is so often expressed here. Wonder why divorce rate is so high? Just read the majority of responses here. I have talked to a number of WOMEN who are over 70 and married still, and asked there opinion, and they universally agreed my idea is a great one, and thats how they are. Their husbands would occasionally come home and unexpectedly take them out for dinner instead of them having to cook. (in those days for the most part, women didnt work) DONT THROW THE BABY OUT WITH THE BATH WATER

Fucking hell. That is not a baby, it's a manbaby and it absolutely need to be thrown out with the bathwater away frim any women! Compromise is not about compromising your rights or being treated like a sub-human. Jesus. Are you for real? Those poor old ladies, if that is true. Subsequent generations of women generally do not wish to put up with such treatment and if men won't treat them as equals, they can just fuck off, and we're ok with that.