DP says I smell all the time..

[Likeroses]

I suspect my DP is on the autistic spectrum, when we first met he would shower before and after we had sex I mean every time so if we had sex 5 times in a day he would shower all those times. I got pregnant with DD and whilst in labour he told me I smelt and shouted at me to get in the bath.
It's gotten worse he won't touch my vagina he will literally just do PIV and he won't kiss either.

I've had episodes of BV so I use the gel everyday gp said I have no infection I wash before sex and afterwards. Just feeling sick of having to be 100 percent freshly showered for him to come near me.
We briefly separated around two years ago and I had a fling he loved how I smelt.

It's really bothering me.

At the end of the day, he is a grown man who never use to do this and doesn't do it at work.
Even if he is autistic, he knows right from wrong.
He is being abusive .
LTB

@caringcarer

What about when your dd has her periods? He has to learn just because he has autism does not give him a free pass to be nasty to you and dad. He needs to learn to think before he opens his mouth. He is being very offensive and I hope you have told him so.

Just to be clear. He does not have autism. This cannot be treated as fact here. The only inkling to autism is OP opinion and it's important to remember she has lived with his abuse and not done anything about it. She is looking to excuse his behaviour.

OP. I hope your okay and coping with this really difficult situation.

I think you already know what you need to do but it’s a scary prospect. Trust yourself. You know what is right for yourself and your DD.

@Likeroses Are you ok?

How do you cope with this?

After school, DS bites, kicks and punches us

Are you seriously suggesting that somebody should put up with being bitten, kicked and punched by their DH, on the off-chance he might have autism?

PIV?

She is looking to excuse his behaviour
I would add that, seeking explanations for his behaviour is part of trying to manage and control the problems that he causes

@Likeroses whether he has autism or not is irrelevant. Your ‘D’P is an ignorant abuser.

Tell him to stop commenting on smells. Tell him it is offensive and unnecessary, and that he should apologise for being a shitty partner.

Personally I couldn’t live with this. Seriously, you need to think about your DD and yourself- is this how you really want to live?

You are scrubbing your body daily to please an unwell man.

Please think about that, and leave and take your child and go as far away as possible.

Sorry but the problem is him. If he does this to his daughter as she grows up then it will leave her with inadequate feelings about herself. You must make a choice here. He either goes or gets medical help. Your life will not be happy until something is done.

@Likeroses why did you get back with this man after you separated?

@Miasicarisatia

She is looking to excuse his behaviour I would add that, seeking explanations for his behaviour is part of trying to manage and control the problems that he causes

It's not up to OP to manage or control his behaviour. Fuck that.

This is all about placing another abusive cunt into the 'autism' box so OP can keep her pathetic man and excuse her own failings in not getting rid.

It happens over and over on here and it's really painful for actually autistic people to see.

How about no?

How about OP just doesn't try to diagnose?

How about OP just stands up for herself?

How about we stop blaming abuse on autism?

Have another fling

For fucks sake. Why are you putting yourself (and your child) through this? He’s a cunt

It's not up to OP to manage or control his behaviour. Fuck that
you misunderstand me, I'm not saying it is, I'm just saying it's natural to look for explanations

I understood the point made about meltdowns at home. The issue remains that if ‘holding it together’ is an expectation only at work, then that’s not respectful of one’s partner. Of course it’s challenging, but there must be an expectation of holding it together at home, too. By this, I mean not insulting your partner. Having such expectations and working towards achieving them, is respectful and cognisant of people having abilities as well as disabilities.
If there could be no progress, I would find that relationship really difficult. Especially if there were children.

@Miasicarisatia

It's not up to OP to manage or control his behaviour. Fuck that you misunderstand me, I'm not saying it is, I'm just saying it's natural to look for explanations

It's not though. Who comes up against a man like this and looks for a disability rather then seeing the abuse he is delivering? When did autism become the go to?

Likeroses what's he like in other aspects of your relationship?

Your self confidence must be through the floor, you poor love.

What do you like about being with him?

This is awful! If he cant cope with normal human smells, he should not be in a relationship. You deserve better OP.

I really could not live like this

Taking aside this could be him being abusive.

Hasn't it ever occurred to either of you, it could be him? I mean for example infected sinuses, tonsil stones, something infected, and when he is facing near something it is his own breath he can smell.

But either way HE needs to seek help. If only there were an illness which removed people's sense of smell .