DP says I smell all the time..

[Likeroses]

I suspect my DP is on the autistic spectrum, when we first met he would shower before and after we had sex I mean every time so if we had sex 5 times in a day he would shower all those times. I got pregnant with DD and whilst in labour he told me I smelt and shouted at me to get in the bath.
It's gotten worse he won't touch my vagina he will literally just do PIV and he won't kiss either.

I've had episodes of BV so I use the gel everyday gp said I have no infection I wash before sex and afterwards. Just feeling sick of having to be 100 percent freshly showered for him to come near me.
We briefly separated around two years ago and I had a fling he loved how I smelt.

It's really bothering me.

Nah. Being (possibly) autistic is not an excuse to berate your partner constantly for their natural, normal body odour. It's a reason yo be troubled by it, but not to act like this. The birth story is utterly disgusting.

If you don't leave now OP, please leave when he starts doing this to your DD as she gets older. Because he will. You shouldn't have to live like this.

Does he tell everyone he comes across how they stink, or just you, out of interest? I bet he's only acting like this to you...

Sensory overload is very distressing to autistics. My DD and I can both suffer meltdowns if we are exposed to loud noise, flashing lights or strong smells. And because all our senses are hypersensitive, we are triggered at much lower levels than normal.
DD has to wear noise cancelling headphones if her DP is having a zoom call with his parents. I feel physically sick at the faintest whiff of cigarette smoke, and am driven to murderous rage by the neighbours’ wind chimes and Christmas lights!
OP, your DH is very likely to be autistic, particularly with his family history. You can’t cure his autism, but you can sit him down and discuss ways to manage it.
This could include a discussion of appropriate social behaviour and courtesy, for example, plus some ideas for how to handle his over sensitive nose.
Don’t assume that he is being deliberately abusive - autistics find it very difficult to appreciate the effect of their behaviour on other people. He may think he is being perfectly logical in pointing out a (to him) unbearable stink - he can’t see that you would find that hurtful unless you spell it out.
You obviously loved each other enough to want to spend your lives together. You just need to find a way to work around the sensory and communication issues. I wish you well in achieving that.

I'd certainly not be having sex with someone who wouldn't even touch me.

@BuggerBognor I'm curious. What do you suppose the OP do to with a husband who refuses to kiss or perform oral, or touch her vagina? Except to insert himself of course. What can she do to live with the fact that her DH finds her body repulsive?

abusive’ is quite a stretch seeing as all he’s done is be honest and communicate in the only way he knows how, it would be worth making some effort to fix the problem (not the man) before leaving over it

I guarantee that he manages to control his issues to the extent he wants to though...ie I would bet money he doesn't scream at his boss that he stinks, or his mother.

The real question is why are you still with him?

So your vagina is too awful to touch but not to stick his cock in!

Dear lord he's got it all his own way hasn't he?

Even if he has autism, he’s been able to be professional at work despite his sensory issues. He just can’t seem to be able to be respectful to you, op.
This is really something that should change.

He wont kiss you? at all?

I'm autistic, with the bloodhound nose that goes alongside it. Yes, smells can sometimes be overwhelming and hard to ignore.

That isn't an excuse for the way he's behaving or speaking to you. He's an adult who manages to hold down employment, he knows fine fucking well that shouting at a labouring woman to get in the bath because she stinks is unacceptable.

It's possible to be both autistic and an asshole. Don't know if he's the former, but he certainly sounds like the latter. By the sounds of it you have had many conversations about this (given you've told him never to talk to your DD about her smell because he can't be tactful) so he is continuing this behaviour despite knowing how it makes you feel.

He managed to work in a hospital without telling the patients they smelt though didn’t he? Yet he chooses not to do so with you and your daughter.

People really need to educate themselves about what autism isn’t

Indeed. You could start with isn't....an excuse to be abusive to your wife

@BuggerBognor

Even if he has autism, he’s been able to be professional at work despite his sensory issues.

Not necessarily. DS copes at school but he comes home shattered because spending 6 hours impersonating a NT person is exhausting. He usually has a meltdown if it’s been a tough day and it can be triggered by a minor sensory thing - the other day it was because I’d mixed 2 types of bird seed together. Holding things together at work is not proof of anything.

People really need to educate themselves about what autism isn’t.

I would make that exception for my child, not the father of my child. M6 choice.

Don’t assume that he is being deliberately abusive - autistics find it very difficult to appreciate the effect of their behaviour on other people. He may think he is being perfectly logical in pointing out a (to him) unbearable stink - he can’t see that you would find that hurtful unless you spell it out

Bullshit. If he could manage to not scream at people for genuinely stinking at work, he could manage for his wife.

I am so sick of Autism being used as an excuse for being an abusive prick. I don't do it, DP doesn't do it, my brother never did it, not one of the kids I've worked with have never done it - one noticed a smell from another kid and remarked upon it and I told him 'There may well be, but telling somebody that they smell will hurt their feelings' and he said 'Oh, Okay, this is one of the things you said I could think but not say, isn't it?' 'Got it in one' 'Cool'. He was 11 years old and managed to not say it to anybody else for five year and with 183 other kids in his year, there were plenty of times when he could have slipped up

Stop being disablist in perpetuating the stereotype of Abusive, rude and selfish = Autism.

And OP, sling this thing into touch. If he's that disgusted by women, he can spend the rest of his life without them polluting his airspace.

Christ, sensory processing issues are not fun but are also no excuse for being an arse to someone you are supposed to love

It does amaze me how many women have babies with horrible men.

He's not horrible because he may have autism, he is horrible because he's horrible,

If he's that disgusted by women, he can spend the rest of his life without them polluting his airspace This. Especially as you have a daughter.

Your vagina smells fine OP. I can tell from here. How dare he make you feel self-conscious!

Its perfectly possible for disabled people to also be cunts

@BuggerBognor

People really need to educate themselves about what autism isn’t.

They most certainly do.

whilst in labour he told me I smelt and shouted at me to get in the bath.

This, this isn't autism. This is out and out abusive and completely avoidable behaviour. You are not telling me that a man who has such functionality that he can mask all day in a highly sensory environment hasn't got the ability to understand this way of communicating is wrong.

Now I know some people with autism really do lack communication skills to the point where this behaviour would come through. These people are not fully functioning and employed. These people will struggle with communication across the board .