Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Polly and her Dollies continue to improve in every way

962 replies

StuckInPollyannaMode · 26/04/2021 11:13

Can’t believe it, but here we are on Thread 5!

Thread 4 here

Just back from a 4.5 mile run - bit cold this morning! I’ve sea monkeys growing in the kitchen, soaps hardening in the bathroom, and the carpets are full of glitter. They had a great weekend!

The thumb also seems to be improving. Phew.

All on today to prep for tomorrow’s meeting with Geller. He really does seem broken. But I will not waiver.

Hope everyone had a good weekend and all health ailments are on the mend. Time to slap on some moisturiser - caught the sun this weekend - but look much better for it!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
SortingItOut · 29/04/2021 13:23

@StuckInPollyannaMode The first dating site I joined was OkCupid, it's a very refreshing site with loads of options for everything on your profile as well as random questions you can answer to build your profile.
I found my first FWB on there and we lasted 14 months.

I found others on Bumble and Plenty of Fish. Not everyone rates POF though.
I did join a sex site but I don't know if thats something you would want to join, I only did it after a year of normal sites and because I wanted to go to a swingers club before my 40th birthday🙈🙊

In my profile I just stated I was looking for fun and went from there.
I didn't mention FWB until I started chatting to someone and they were only upgraded from ONS (well 1 evening stand as no staying over🤣) to FB if the sex was good (one chance only) and then possibly to FWB.

I'm lucky in that I can detach sex from emotions but I know a lot can't.

MangoBiscuit · 29/04/2021 17:12

@DartmoorDoughnut

I really am having to resist the urge to get my hair coloured hot pink and have my nose pierced Blush I’m 40 next year and tried to get back into work last week, very popular school hours job, was chuffed to get an interview but then I found out who got the job and she has no experience whatsoever and frankly is a hot mess and I have rage I know I’m being a bitch but ARGH.
Do it! I am also nearly 40, and I have hot pink hair and a nose ring! Grin

Polly, I hope your epic To Do List is of the pick and mix variety, where you can do as much or as little as you like. If you feel the drive to crack on, awesome. If you need to rest, please do that.

I went full speed ahead during the split. All the workouts at the gym, sorted out the house stuff, did all the events. Then I visited family, stopped for a bit, and crashed. Total burnout / neural fatigue. I was so, so ill, for about 40 hours.

harknesswitch · 30/04/2021 07:14

@DartmoorDoughnut I had my nose pierced last year and I'm 48 Grin

Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 30/04/2021 18:54

We've reached a new low, my people.

I've just had a massive fuck off row with him about his epically useless parenting.

So phone went with FaceTime at 4.30. I thought it was the kids so I answered. No, it's him, saying DD1 doesn't want to go to her weekly activity - the one she has just been picked for a match for this weekend.

I'm not going to bore you with all the ins and outs because frankly they fucking bore me, so I don't see why you'd be that interested. Safe to say we had a frank exchange of views in a call at 5.30... I told him that he needs to step up and carry out consequences for behaviour and decide what those are in advance. He told me I was being angry and aggressive. He also has told half the parents on the team what has happened - apparently he feels very emotional that his daughter is so lazy and won't step up. Also I am being unfair as I told him two weeks ago to try and be more patient and relaxed with her, and he's tried it and it's not working.

He's been outmanoeuvred by an 8 year old.

And I got angry rather than just roll over and accept it. He wanted me to go to his to get her dressed for her match on Sunday morning. I told him no, just get her dressed and I'll see you down there.

He's in the middle of a one man pity party and I'm so fucking, apocalyptically MAD. He's useless with them. I'm so cross with myself. Why have I tied myself to such a man child for the rest of the girls childhood?

I'm going to have crab and chips for dinner and there's wine in the fridge and friends on the way.

Had a shit run this morning too. Have been smoking too much.

OP posts:
drspouse · 30/04/2021 18:58

My goodness, my 9 year old has SEN and DH wouldn't dream of asking me to get him dressed. But he is a grown-up.

Justilou1 · 30/04/2021 19:14

Good grief... just ask yourself how much is actually her winding him up, or him winding her up to play you? Could go either way...

RandomMess · 30/04/2021 19:17

I'm mad on your behalf. Why is he even ringing you, why is he still expecting you to do his parenting for him.

How dare he think/believe/say she is lazy!!! She needs his encouragement & support - I presume she is actually anxious & overwhelmed??

FFS tell him one last chance to reduce his time with them as he can't handle it and adjust the finances or grow up and get on with being a parent and stop dragging you into his failings & going on the ducking parenting courses.

SpringCrocus · 30/04/2021 19:32

It sounds more and more to me that HE is undiagnosed ASD, and so is she, and they just cannot understand each other. But, HE is the grown up, and it's on HIM to bloody well PARENT his child properly!

(I have a DD who is diagnosed, and a DH, who isn't, but is definitely on the Spectrum, and the hell I went through when DD was 7-20 was unbelievable. Thank Christ I only had the one child, because living with the two of them nearly broke me, mostly because DH COULD NOT understand, for a long time, that his rigid demands were making things even worse. He eventually did learn, and she and he get on well now but God was it hard when she was younger)

Sunbird24 · 30/04/2021 20:35

I’m just imagining all the other parents’ faces while he was openly admitting he couldn’t parent his own child... Hmm

Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 01/05/2021 06:56

Hungover. Still cross. Didn’t let it dominate my evening though. Which ended with a debate as to the best song in Les Mis. I’m going with either On My Own (much underrated) or Master of the House.

I think you’re absolutely right about him being undiagnosed ASD.

He also consistently over shares. So one parent will have said ‘you ok?’ Or ‘how are you?’ And he spilled it all out about her not wanting to come and how disappointed he is etc. And then they make soothing noises, which he interprets as sympathy and admiration for his handling of it, when you can practically see the derision in their eyes.

When the reality is that the answer should have been ‘fine thanks, you?’ considering he doesn’t know them and they don’t need to know.

He misses a lot of social cues.

Yes, she was overwhelmed by it all AND wanting to go and play at a friends house with DD2 (because of Covid they advise no siblings if possible, I told him not to be ridiculous and he would have to take DD2 as well - instead he has been palming her off on various friends - so naturally DD1 gets jealous. I warned him).

Oh, and he wants to discuss Facebook with me and how we handle it. FFS.

It’s a beautiful morning and I’m going to walk down the valley through the woods to meet a friend for brunch at a super local cafe which has just reopened. Trying to decide between halloumi fries or eggs benedict.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 01/05/2021 07:28

Oh, and he wants to discuss Facebook with me and how we handle it. FFS.

Oh I didn't realised he was own Facebook Grin. I assume he means he wants to control what you post on Facebook about him and your relationship or lack of. As your children aren't old enough for Facebook for years.

I'd just ignore the statement as there is nothing to discuss.

Original poster
StuckInPollyannaMode · 01/05/2021 07:50

I barely post / comment on anything on FB - last post was September! Instagram is a different matter but my account is locked.

What he means is my name change and change in relationship status. He doesn’t want people to know he’s on his own. Apparently.

The fact that I’ve changed my name everywhere else and literally no one has commented seems to have passed him by. The people who need to know, know. The rest of the world doesn’t matter. It would be a 2 minute wonder, if that.

OP posts:
CheshireCats · 01/05/2021 07:59

Of course you are going to change your relationship status on social media/wherever you want. Don't be sucked in to this drivel. He has absolutely zero right to even ask you that. Stay strong!

Lougle · 01/05/2021 08:03

Your poor DD1. He is continually damaging her. As for Facebook, you get to decide what your page says.

RandomMess · 01/05/2021 08:09

Re FB, time to start getting him used to "Mo, it's non of your business".

As for the DDs geez it's awful for them but he seems resolute on not lessening his contact time.

Have you sorted the school holidays out? I honestly hope he uses and pays for childcare for his allocation.

I0NA · 01/05/2021 08:38

What he means is my name change and change in relationship status. He doesn’t want people to know he’s on his own. Apparently

Ha ha ha . This must be a joke right? He thinks that he gets to tell you what you post on Social media ABOUT YOU and YOUR LIFE and YOUR NAME because it might affect him???

I think he might be the most self absorbed person in the world. Oh no wait, that’s my ex. He’s the second most self absorbed person in the world.

Shouldbedoing · 01/05/2021 09:04

Ooh, I'd forgotten to update my Facebook profile.
Thanks for reminding me.

harknesswitch · 01/05/2021 09:07

I'd change it now. I'm not sure why he thinks he gets to have a conversation about it.

Evergibbon · 01/05/2021 09:17

I'd be tempted to just do it before he has a chance to "talk" to you about it. Fuck him it's none of his beeswax and you should tell him so

Starbonnet123 · 01/05/2021 09:34

@StuckInPollyannaMode definitely eggs Benedict 😁 . Enjoy your walk and meeting your friend .
I think geller is going to be a knob until he finds someone else to be honest , maybe suggest a couple of dating sites to get him going lol .
Have a lovely day Thanks

Clutterbugsmum · 01/05/2021 09:42

I was right, although my wording was clearly before I woke up and had tea Grin.

If he brings it up again I would tell him to stop moaning to all your DC friend's parent's about you leaving him and how hard it is being a parent rather then worrying about your Facebook relationship wording. As it's far more embarrassing have friends mention it to you in real life how he's not coping then what someone may read in passing. And that it is not really his concern anymore.

CoolCatTaco · 01/05/2021 10:01

He sounds more selfish, stupid and insufferable with every post! He must be a massive ride to have got three different women to marry him!

RandomMess · 01/05/2021 10:15

Eggs Benedict all the way!

MelissaVonStressel · 01/05/2021 11:30

Oh, and he wants to discuss Facebook with me and how we handle it. FFS

"Thanks for the reminder but I've already changed my name and relationship status, you can't see because I've blocked you."

Lougle · 01/05/2021 11:37

@StuckInPollyannaMode

I barely post / comment on anything on FB - last post was September! Instagram is a different matter but my account is locked.

What he means is my name change and change in relationship status. He doesn’t want people to know he’s on his own. Apparently.

The fact that I’ve changed my name everywhere else and literally no one has commented seems to have passed him by. The people who need to know, know. The rest of the world doesn’t matter. It would be a 2 minute wonder, if that.

I'm just coming back to this as I feel so angry. He just hasn't grasped that there is no 'we' anymore, has he? The whole point of divorce is that you escape this kind of crazy.
Swipe left for the next trending thread