Polly and her Dollies continue to improve in every way

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe it, but here we are on Thread 5!

Thread 4 here

Just back from a 4.5 mile run - bit cold this morning! I’ve sea monkeys growing in the kitchen, soaps hardening in the bathroom, and the carpets are full of glitter. They had a great weekend!

The thumb also seems to be improving. Phew.

All on today to prep for tomorrow’s meeting with Geller. He really does seem broken. But I will not waiver.

Hope everyone had a good weekend and all health ailments are on the mend. Time to slap on some moisturiser - caught the sun this weekend - but look much better for it!

Do you know his shift patterns?
Maybe he is busy with work or he thinks now he's 'got' you he doesn't need to try as hard.

Are you feeling flat because of him or because the first wedding anniversary not together brings back everything that you put up with for years?

Good luck with the parental visit and excellent work on packing away some china.

I hope your parents are surprisingly good house guests today 🙂

Just be calm & truthful Polly. breath before replying to their questions.
Tell them that now the separation is done you are so much happier, the girls are flourishing, life is worth more than what he was doling out.

Spoke to DI Dishy for half an hour at lunchtime which was lovely. All is fine, there’s something major on at work which he can’t talk about but I’ll find out shortly. Guessing I might need to bear that kind of thing in mind!

We have, however, mutually agreed to slow things down a little. We’re both exceptionally busy at the moment and neither of us are ready nor have the time to leap into a relationship, but we are enjoying each other’s company and everything that goes with that 😁 I’m seeing him next week.

Actually knowing all that has really helped me know that it’s not me, it really isn’t. And if it’s the right thing it’s fine to take a bit of time over it, I’m not in any rush. I’ve had lots of reassurances from him and he’s saying all the right things.

Parents have been ok until about supper time tonight when the criticisms started. I first of all deflected then just let it wash over me. At the end I said well, it’s your choice to think like that.

My mother was clearly taken aback. You’ll be delighted to hear that in spite of losing 2 stone I’ll look so much better if I lose another half, my hair doesn’t look as good curly, I shout at the children too much and I can’t expect everything in my Vinted haul to fit me. I should have bought yogurt and when was the last time I went on the motorway as I hadn’t warned them about commercial vehicles travelling whilst they were driving down.

My dad also keeps thinking about that conversation. He’s made me promise not to reconcile. My mother has asked why I was attracted to him in the first place. I don’t think she wants an honest answer to that.

Parents, eh? I hope you had extra wine while hiding behind a cupboard.

Wow! How long are they staying again? Deep breaths OP!

Gosh, OP, your parents clearly expect a lot of you. I can’t believe you didn’t tell them that other vehicles use the motorways!!!!

when was the last time I went on the motorway as I hadn’t warned them about commercial vehicles travelling whilst they were driving down.
Your parents are hilarious, sorry, did they expect you to personally clear the roads for them?!

Is it your job to warn them of the bleeding obvious? Well done for telling them that negative thinking is THEIR problem. You can also tell them that how you left Geller so that you could parent how YOU choose to parent thank you!

Sorry but I may be chuckling over the commercial vehicle warning or lack thereof 🤣

Been lurking on your thread for a while.

You sound like you are doing really great.

Reading your last post, your mother's comments sound pretty insane.

I recognise these sorts of comments from my own mother (although the warning about commercial vehicles was comically extreme). My sisters ex sounds a bit like yours but less extreme. Both her and I ended up choosing anxious, slightly controlling partners. Boundary skills were not taught to us at home.

I can't help but think this must has influenced your previous choice of partner and your tolerance of these behaviours.

I see you're already doing well but maybe practice some stronger boundary skills with your mother in particular. I waited too long to do that with mine. It hasn't changed her much, but it does protect me.

I am thus reminded why I was very LC with my parents!! My mental health was far too fragile to spend a few hours with the criticisms let alone after 3 days with them 😳

@Giraffey1

Gosh, OP, your parents clearly expect a lot of you. I can’t believe you didn’t tell them that other vehicles use the motorways!!!!

[giggle] Oh, Mum, you sounded just like Gellar, then!

DH's Dad got really miffed with us one day because we were visiting somewhere and we got there first. He demanded to know how we got there so quickly (we got in the car and drove...) and then ranted at the host that if they had told him about the road works he would have used a different route. We pointed out that the road works were on a 3-way junction and that all routes to the host's house were affected, but he insisted there would have been 'another route' he could have used. There wasn't. He looked a bit daft, tbh.

Blimey, the way your parents are really does explain why you ended up with Gellar. And that isn't me 'blaming' you, by the way - I hope you can use the realisation to strengthen your boundaries both with him and with them. You've set yourself on a path to changing in the most positive way possible and it sounds as if you are already grey rocking your mum. Good on you! They will never be the parents you deserve, but you have the power to change how you respond to them. Keep up the good work.

Are your parents... my parents?!

You're so brilliant. Putting boundaries in place over Gellar and now letting your parents' comments wash over you before telling them it's them, not you. Brilliant. And you're right - it's their choice to think that way. I found so much more peace in my life when I stopped wondering why I was such a shit daughter and realised I could be perfection personified but they'd still complain about something, so it isn't me, it's them. And it's definitely a choice to think that way, both for them thinking they need to find the cloud in every silver lining, and for me thinking, "I love you, but I've had enough of your shit".

We're all still cheering for you from the sidelines, Polly! Your strength is amazing.

I saw my mother yesterday and hugged for the first time in a year. Had a lovely day, when at the end she offered me some new knickers she'd bought but didn't fit her and would I like them. They were 3 THREE sizes to big for me! It has really stuck in my brain as I have put on weight due to meds, and bit too much sitting down, but I didn't think I looked that much bigger! Just your comments about what yours were saying made me think of it again. Parents eh! Though the not telling them about commercial vehicles using motorways made me laugh

Be sure you cover all your 'good daughter' bases by warning your mum that if she turns on the hot water tap hot water will come out. 🙄

Seriously, you are doing wonderfully well.

Well done on the grey-rocking your parents!

They don't speak the truth - just the way they see things and it can be so wrong :) You made me remember that my grandmother always bought my mother 'outsize' tights for Christmas and talked a lot about 'slimming'. My mother ( a 24 inch waist except during pregnancy) never said anything but was baffled.

Make sure you tell them just before they set off home that there are likely to be commercial vehicles and other cars on the roads!
How are mealtimes going? Are you managing to just plate up instead of using every pot in the house?

Dad and I tucked into the vino last night. I may have carried on longer than is advisable. Oops.

Mum and I spent 2 hours locked in ridiculous argument yesterday about where my recycling boxes live. I won! Hurrah. Another boundary enforced.

Last night, when she’d gone to bed, I put my cutlery back the way I like it - she’s convinced it’s not in the right order so silently moves it around at every visit.

I’m exhausted by yesterday. Spent half the day running to different supermarkets - Mum wants some specific prunes as they’re the ones that keep her regular, then Dad ran out of skimmed milk and god forbid he drinks semi in the one coffee he allows himself at lunch, and wouldn’t strawberries be nice for pudding…I’m bloody knackered!! But running out gave me a chance for a break - so I used it. I’m not doing it again.

DI Dishy. I think I’ve been a bit too open and honest, given last nights wine consumption. We had a chat yesterday and he’s got masses going on. We’re going to see each other Wednesday or Thursday. I just need to chill the fuck out and I’m not good at that. I’m just so needy and insecure 🤣

We’re both scared of getting hurt and of hurting the other one. I could fall for him. Big time. Talking to him yesterday, even though he’s going through so much stuff at the moment that it makes him doubt why I’d want to be with him - it made my heart sing. And the world a better place.

And then we ended up messaging for an hour last night and I said a couple of things that I probably shouldn’t - nice things - and I’ve scared him a bit and he closed down.

But that’s me. Heart on my sleeve.

Hearts on sleeves are interesting accessories… as long as you have matching shoes or handbags, but never both… that would be too gaudy. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️ Colour us all guilty of this at times, @StuckInPollyannaMode. Btw, you are currently having your safe space invaded. You’re vulnerable!
(God, I remember how it was when my parents would come to stay when they were alive… *shudders. Marking their territory by putting things where they would in their own home. HELL!!!)
Hope the girls are loving the attention though. X

Meanwhile, I have been waiting ALL DAY for my new bloody washing machine to turn up. It’s 4:30pm here… Still no sign of it. Like waiting for Godot!

@StuckInPollyannaMode Fellow 'heart on sleeve' person here. Don't worry about what you said to him last night now. Let him assimilate it (it might take a while, given what you've said about him having a lot on, especially at work) but then if he's ok with it you'll know about it when he's ready to tell you. If he's not...? Well, you've lost nothing really, but you still have all the progress you've made. Which is stupendous and astounding (and don't you ever forget it! )

Frankly, how you've not buried your mother under the neighbour's patio by now is a mystery to me! You're more patient than I am, that's for sure!

Could you text DI Delish and apologise for coming on a bit strong and put it down to the wine, reiterate that as previously agreed that you still want to take things slowly. Might reassure him that you are both still on the same page.