Polly and her Dollies continue to improve in every way

[StuckInPollyannaMode]

Can’t believe it, but here we are on Thread 5!

Thread 4 here

Just back from a 4.5 mile run - bit cold this morning! I’ve sea monkeys growing in the kitchen, soaps hardening in the bathroom, and the carpets are full of glitter. They had a great weekend!

The thumb also seems to be improving. Phew.

All on today to prep for tomorrow’s meeting with Geller. He really does seem broken. But I will not waiver.

Hope everyone had a good weekend and all health ailments are on the mend. Time to slap on some moisturiser - caught the sun this weekend - but look much better for it!

I was hoping the ridiculous messages and emails had stopped tbh!

Don’t be ridiculous @RandomMess - I’ve had 10 messages today AND I’ve got the girls!

I’ve had an expensive couple of hours - not only do I need 4 new tyres but discovered my MOT is a month overdue 😱. Oops. Guess I won’t be driving to Birmingham on Monday then.

Cars are money pits.

Why the hell is he messaging you if you have the girls?

Please block him when the DDs are with you.

Yeah cats are the pits.

Been lurking for a while. Well done op

@pointythings

Cars are money pits.

Why the hell is he messaging you if you have the girls?

Absolutely. He's such a twat. Block him when you have them.

Dates, stuff about football for DD1, inset days as school just sent out the calendar (you’ll like this one ‘Let’s deal with September inset days when we know what’s happening’ erm NO they’re on your contact days, you do it!), did I cancel this appointment, don’t forget you’re taking the girls to the tutor on this day not me, I need to remember you need the books for the tutor...

On and on and on.

Boundaries. I need more of them.

I had a major crashing realisation last night.

Looking back I was so unhappy with myself I didn’t stand a chance - no wonder I made such bad decisions in my 20s.

I was looking for love to fix me when the reality is I should have fixed myself first.

I asked my oldest friend what she thought of the above concept. She came straight back to tell me that I was absolutely right, that I have always sought love and acceptance and approval as long as she can remember. That it goes right back to my mum.

Which is what my counsellor started to talk to me about on Wednesday.

Interesting.

Right. Best get on. Hope everyone has a nice Sunday planned - football match and new tyres and dog walks ahead. Lasagne for supper!

@StuckInPollyannaMode

Don’t be ridiculous *@RandomMess* - I’ve had 10 messages today AND I’ve got the girls!

I’ve had an expensive couple of hours - not only do I need 4 new tyres but discovered my MOT is a month overdue 😱. Oops. Guess I won’t be driving to Birmingham on Monday then.

I've only just discovered this thread and am reading it piece by piece but this about the constant messaging and calls - are we living the same life?! Why is this type always the same, it's like they get made in a factory somewhere with all the same settings. Good luck with everything

Polly that is certainly me only I didn't realise until I was far far older than you and having had a couple complete breakdowns.

Sometimes it feels like it will never truly be resolved tbh

No plans here today, ought to walk the dog, some exercising and MUST wash my hair.

Sounds like things are starting to fall into place for you in your mind about your life. Looks like the therapist might be money well spent.

I’m sorting out my sewing and craft area today.

I asked my oldest friend what she thought of the above concept. She came straight back to tell me that I was absolutely right, that I have always sought love and acceptance and approval as long as she can remember. That it goes right back to my mum.

Its no coincidence that most people on here who start with relationship/controlling/abusive partner posts, once they have managed to get rid, progress onto the Stately Homes threads

The behaviours and traits that allow us to not see the red flags and let abusers into our lives dont come from nowhere, but often they are so ingrained, from so young, that they form our normal. And as we have no comparrison as to what goes on in anyone elses home, it often takes a hell of a lot for us to realise just how far from normal and healthy it was

Oh.

My,

God.

I didn’t think he could stoop any lower, but I was wrong.

First he spends all morning winding me up because he turned up at DD1s football game(fine in theory) and the proceeded to needle me the entire time (I shut him down twice) I literally have no idea how I managed to stay married to him for so long or why I married him in the first place. He is such a mansplaining idiot who can’t drive MY fucking Land Rover, the car I really wanted but he’s somehow managed to take off me. And he wants to start ‘having flexibility’ on having the girls on a Thursday ‘as we come out of lockdown and my meetings ramp up’.

So I was already all FUCK OFF.

Then.

Then, I get an email with another offer. I don’t know whether to be pleased or still insulted. I need to look at the figures. But it still leaves me at least 170k short of what I would get if we went to court (or split it 59/59.

However, what has lit my touch paper is the below paragraph, which includes a threat about the kids:

Finally, this offer, alongside the overall settlement we have discussed, will enable me to very happily contribute over and above my child maintenance responsibilities to the benefit and opportunity of our children. I know that you genuinely appreciate the contributions I have made to date in these first few months. If we can settle this amicably at this level, I will be more than happy to support and contribute over the coming years as my priority is that our children continue to have the opportunities and experiences that they deserve within the appropriate boundaries that we decide on as their parents.

So cross I can’t type - sorry folks! I mean, 50/50, of course.

I’ll chip in for a hitman. Sure we can find a good one 😊

"
Finally, this offer, alongside the overall settlement we have discussed, will enable me to very happily contribute over and above my child maintenance responsibilities to the benefit and opportunity of our children. I know that you genuinely appreciate the contributions I have made to date in these first few months. If we can settle this amicably at this level, I will be more than happy to support and contribute over the coming years as my priority is that our children continue to have the opportunities and experiences that they deserve within the appropriate boundaries that we decide on as their parents."

I am SPEECHLESS. He is a cunt.

That’s coercive control, right?

Or narcissism?

Or plain wankbadgery?

Just go to court.

"Flexibility" bollocks to that. Yet more evidence he can't manage the 65/35 he already has!!!

If you get the proper settlement you are due for a clean break you won't need over and above CMS entitlement. Remember anything over and above that isn't enforceable after 12 months anyway.

He is just horrid and selfish.

He's basically saying' trust me, even though I have already proved that I'm out to shaft you'. Fuck that, take it to court, let your SHL have him for breakfast.

It's a threat.

Do as I say or I renegade on the current maintenance agreement.

Absolutely go for clean break with higher split and less maintenance.

Hahaha, er, Nope, agree to nothing.
Although tempting to respond: Are you saying the children can continue to have the "opportunities and experiences that they deserve", if I agree to get shafted in your DIY divorce settlement ?

Gosh!

I have been reading your thread and just want to say what an impressive person you are Polly. And what a shitbag Gellar is.

As to the latest shenanigans, looks as if court is getting more and more likely, huh? So he wants to coerce you into a lower settlement and then pay more child maintenance voluntarily, which he could stop at any time (would this be more than he would have to pay if you ended up doing every Thursday if he flakes out of that ? maybe worth reassessing whether he even does the Thursday officially, as he is clearly moving towards dumping them for work, then you can at least have the CMS money. He could always then have them when he wants to treat them on a Thursday?!).

Does he understand how obvious he is?

Probably worth leaving the SHL to deal, but

"To confirm, you would like your daughters to have a lower standard of living available to them with their resident parent permanently and in return they can have the chance of potentially having additional amounts spent on them but only for as long as you choose to continue paying those amounts?"

Just send it to the SHL to deal with. He is a piece of work.

I love it that he is so daft that he puts this stuff in writing! It's brilliant.

"I will take your new offer to my SHL."

You need these people

What I want to know is how have you NOT told him to actually FUCK OFF? I mean seriously with the messaging even, not even the crap email/offer etc.....

I'd have just lost my shit a long time ago... but you seem a much more adultier adult than me lol 😆