Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

[VanGoghsDog]

presumably if you have to isolate for 3 days beforehand then the hospital would need to give you some notice

Yep, I expect I'll get a weeks notice. I do wfh which is lucky. I have to isolate for three days, eat no fibre for three days and take litres of laxative. Noone can come to the appointment with me but I need someone with me for 24 hours after (and as I live alone that person will therefore have to come and sit outside the hospital waiting for me, they can't come and stay before unless they come for the whole three days and isolate with me, which clearly noone can do). I'm struggling with all this, it would be nice to know the date so I can deal with it all. I'm on the "two week wait" pathway so I should hear this week as I was told last Wed and the latest they can therefore do the procedure is Wed next week. In theory.

[Onesmallstep67]

@VanGoghsDog, would it be worth checking in with the appointments department at the hospital ? I'm going to PM you.

[VanGoghsDog]

[quote Onesmallstep67]@VanGoghsDog, would it be worth checking in with the appointments department at the hospital ? I'm going to PM you.[/quote]
Thank you :)

I'll wait for today's post and then decided I think.

[OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]

@lothermand

Thank you for your wise words *@BelladiMamma @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards*

I text last night, told him I wasn't comfortable with his attitude to mask wearing. He responded "ok no worries, was expecting it", and blocked me..all good.

It has put me off to be honest. My last relationship was the outcome of OLD. This recent experience, I've realised I need to be more ruthless, and tighten my boundaries. That's if there is a next time!

Good luck everyone

You're very welcome, @lothermand!

At least it was quick, and it seems like he took it quite well

Just keep positive, there is someone out there for you

[PyjamasOClock]

I've not posted in a while, the thread moves quickly and sounds like some good news and some rubbish behaviour- so sorry to hear about that.

Have taken the advice upthread of just chatting properly to a couple of possibilities at a time - am filtering out men who are unemployed, who make hurtful jokes, who try to invite themselves round . You've got to 'hold it lightly', haven't you, to cope with all this. Fortunately work is busy so I can't get too distracted by the general bad behaviour of men. For me chatting a bit online means that the above reveals itself and I don't waste precious time and energy meeting dates going nowhere. No one I can name just yet though, have sent a couple of first messages on Bumble today though so I'll see what comes of them.

[Onesmallstep67]

@PyjamasOClock, that sounds like you have got your head screwed on and are doing some good filtering upfront. To use a bit of a cliché, it should feel like fun and if it doesn't then it's not worth doing.

[SpringlikeBunk]

@PyjamasOClock

Yes a few years ago I think the advice was to play the numbers game/get as many chats going as possible

I think now that we all have smartphones, we’re using apps not websites

and there’s just a bigger quantity of users to filter through (so rather than match or pof with reading profiles and tailoring messages etc we’re just moving our thumb!) and lots of flakes and weirdos

and also it’s easy for our matches to be distracted by other nice looking matches!

So it’s a completely different social and emotional game now (in my opinion).

I read one of those tacky articles about the most liked profiles on tinder and some of them said they didn’t really bother “following through” and making dates, or rarely got there - otherwise it would be a full-time job!

It’s such a long journey from mutual match to reliable iron so I do need to pace myself!

[frankiefirstyear]

@VanGoghsDog

presumably if you have to isolate for 3 days beforehand then the hospital would need to give you some notice

Yep, I expect I'll get a weeks notice. I do wfh which is lucky. I have to isolate for three days, eat no fibre for three days and take litres of laxative. Noone can come to the appointment with me but I need someone with me for 24 hours after (and as I live alone that person will therefore have to come and sit outside the hospital waiting for me, they can't come and stay before unless they come for the whole three days and isolate with me, which clearly noone can do). I'm struggling with all this, it would be nice to know the date so I can deal with it all. I'm on the "two week wait" pathway so I should hear this week as I was told last Wed and the latest they can therefore do the procedure is Wed next week. In theory.

😱 shame that nobody can isolate with you for 3 days 💐

[Mayzee]

I’ve been reading but haven’t felt like posting as I’m still all over the place!
There is such a spectrum from the loved ups to the sea of twat swimmers - I don’t know where I fit in!
I’m going to dump the contents of my brain on here with the hope that someone wise will help me:)

Mr TG, saw him on 2 May had a lovely evening, drinks chats dtd he went home. I start out feeling great and then the doubts start.
We haven’t messaged much since, some days I just can’t be bothered and others I do initiate chats but they don’t really go anywhere. He sends a few messages at bedtime every night without fail but I feel like it’s become a habit now rather than building connection.
I still haven’t raised the ‘what are we’ conversation but a couple of things he said are playing on my mind. He returned home last year after a career break and says he’s planning another as soon as he can, he doesn’t see his life here in future definitely wants to move countries. So long term prospects aren’t great.
He is a teacher so has 12 weeks off and I was asking what is he going to do when he is off and he had many plans, but no suggestions that we do anything or even interest as to when I might be off - so short term not great either.
Lockdown is ending and I want plans, fun, time away etc. I have drafted a message about all of this and plan to send it to him Friday evening so we can meet up Saturday or Sunday and chat face to face if he wants to.
I’m thinking it’s run it’s course but then I would be giving up without talking to him first so I owe him that much.

To complicate things, I’m still hung up on Mr BE, have been thinking a lot about him and then he messaged today. He seems to have sorted himself out so much since we were together, has proper access with his kids, lovely place, new job. He hasn’t asked to see me, we’ve just had a life catch up, but I know he is building up to it.
I feel disloyal to Mr TG and it could be my interest in Mr BE is heightened because of my dissatisfaction with our situation. if he was any way enthusiastic about me/us I wouldn’t be considering anyone else. It’s a head wreck

[Mayzee]

aargghh

[frankiefirstyear]

🤣🤣

[Onesmallstep67]

This may sound a little duplicitous @Mayzee but why don’t you see what Mr BE’s next move is ? And meanwhile address things with Mr TG. It doesn’t seem that Mr TG is making a huge effort to secure a long term RS with you and has openly talked about other plans in what he sees the next few years bringing for him. I think I would either send the message or wait until you are together in person and address things with him. I know he’s been on the scene for some time and of course you have been thwarted because of the lockdown restrictions. It sounds like you are ready for a bit of clarity now though ?

[namechanged9999]

Been dating a month or so, exclusively, but he has issues at work and openly talks about moving back to his home country?! Do I have a chat with him? I feel it's rude of him to be so blazè about it.

Today he said he's surrounded by assholes at work and it's time to pack up and move back. I said jokingly let's not make any rash decisions though I was hurt and he said "moving back to x is hardly a rash decision". Ummmm not sure what to even say

[Onesmallstep67]

@namechanged9999, I think you are perfectly entitled to have a chat with him. Say what you are looking for and that you wanted to check in with him if moving is a definite possibility. I’m not sure I would want to get further involved with someone if they were only looking for something short term and I knew I wanted a more long term commitment.

[ItsNotLoveActually]

@Mayzee - Did you last see him on 2/5 or started seeing him on 2/5? In either case I think it's worth seeing how things go with Mr BE, as you obviously have a thing for him. I personally can't resist an ex, lol, if they've changed whatever it was that broke you up.
@namechanged9999 - I'd defo say something along the lines of you don't want to continue if he's dead set on moving home. Hopefully he's honest with you and doesn't string you along.

[UtterSocks]

Hi how are we all? Have had a hellish week at work so not been online for a bit and then tried to catch up today and only got as far as @VanGoghsDog and the photo of the horrifying candle and plastic roses birthday present and can't stop laughing! Absolutely hilarious. Am almost hoping an old iron buys me an unholy pile of tacky crap for my birthday in a couple of months so I can share the joy! Have you spoken to him since??? And are you managing to get through your pile of cheese? 😂😂😂

[unambiguousbeard]

Hey everyone, madly lurking.

@namechanged9999 is he Greek?

[ChasingFate]

Hi All. I am after some advice been on a second date with Mr Grey this afternoon. We have not discussed any past relationships and very much focused on hobbys we have in common. There was no attempt at physical contact on either date so not sure where I stand. Does it sound like he is just looking for a friend rather than a relationship?

[Mayzee]

@ItsNotLoveActually last saw him then - we’ve been seeing each other almost 6 months but not very often which is another issue

@Onesmallstep67 I’m going to send the message because I can’t keep driving myself mad second guessing it all. I’m a conflict avoider so will end up not discussing it all if i leave it until face to face. And also the way I’m feeling I’m not sure if I want to instigate yet another date at mine this weekend and if I don’t he won’t so we may not see each other.
I’m very tempted to throw caution to the wind with Mr BE but I’m trying to think how I would feel if Mr TG did similar, even without a chat about exclusivity etc, and I think I would be hurt.

[SpringlikeBunk]

@Mayzee

You’re clearly a fair and thoughtful person - just put yourself first rather than internally beat yourself up?

Obviously there’s connection and chemistry and emotions and good experiences with MrTG and MrBE.

And that’s worth something for sure.

and you certainly may want to stay in touch in whatever form?

But are THEY stepping back and thinking about how to best keep you interested and happy?

I think from my memory you haven’t actually been dating much/that long since your divorce

so you’ve got plenty of new experiences to be had and guys to be met and to work out what really suits you!

We’re leaving lockdown so if you did want to open up to meeting others it would be a lot easier rather than “car coffees”!

[Mayzee]

@SpringlikeBunk you are so right! I’m all about treat people like you want to be treated but I let people away with a lot and push down my own needs and ask very little really - see conflict avoider
I need to get tough and maybe broaden my horizons a bit! I’m never having a car coffee again😂

[LongtimelurkerL]

@Mayzee how often is not often and is there a good reason (eg child etc) - sorry if I’ve missed something

[frankiefirstyear]

@ChasingFate

Hi All. I am after some advice been on a second date with Mr Grey this afternoon. We have not discussed any past relationships and very much focused on hobbys we have in common. There was no attempt at physical contact on either date so not sure where I stand. Does it sound like he is just looking for a friend rather than a relationship?

Sounds like a nice slow burner or friendship if you get no chemistry vibe. Either way, nice to have a decent date without them launching straight into the explicits