Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I'm 33 and so far never really ever been interested in anyone the same age as me or younger. I really prefer or am so much more drawn to men like 40+ is anyone else similar?

VanGoghsDog that did make me chuckle too. It's hard with the other bloke though, as it would be mean just to cut him off after he bought you things for your birthday. It would be wrong to just block him.
I have an old guy( well,very old actually,about 84 😄) who is one of my clients and very much in love with me. It used to make me very uncomfortable but over the years he has learnt I dont mind a bit of banter but that is where it ends and I've made it very clear I will not be moving in with him! Last week he wanted to buy me a 'frock' from an ad in a newspaper and I have to be very firm that nope,I don't want one thanks.

Keep neck kisser( think that's his name) as a pal you see now and then and spell it out to him kindly.

At the weekend i had a walk with the bloke I had apparently snogged years ago but when I saw him in the co op carpark I new I never had. Just no! Pleasant but not my sort at all.....that will teach me for goi g on a date with someone who had put one pic up on the profile and at quite a distance.
No other irons.

Just a quick update . I met up with my online date this lunch time for coffee and a chat. We had heat chat on line and had great chat in person to. But when it came to the end he went in for a kiss for a split millie second I hasten but then though a kiss on the lips will be ok only he had other ideas and went for the full snog 🤦‍♀️ And I freaked out (not in a what the hell kind of way) just pulled away and said I had to go 😳 in fairness he asked if I was ok and text as soon as I left to make sure I was ok. And said sorry if he over stepped. Jesus I don’t know why I did it . I like him and would like to see him again but think I may have blow it 🤦‍♀️
1st time dating after many years and boy is it showing !!

Sounded shyte @VanGoghsDog

I'd forgotten just how weird some blokes can be on OLD and how thick a skin you need.

I've had two weird exchanges in recent days and now paranoid that something about to go wrong with the one I like.

First bloke, let's call him MrTravel, I exchanged some messages with. he was a bit odd as he kept saying he couldn't answer certain questions and would only tell me on the phone, but wouldn't suggest a phone chat. He then asked me if I was chatting to other people - I said yes so he said he didn't want to talk anymore. And now he has just messaged me to say he is going to block me so he can erase my memory. (just to be clear, i haven't message him since we agreed to leave it there).

Second bloke, MrMotorcycle, things were going ok and we were on WhatsApp. I was slightly alarmed as he lives in a different city and seemed to possibly be inviting himself to stay. I said I'd be happy to meet him somewhere when he was in my city. He then asked for another photo and I sent one, he made a complimentary comment. I then asked for another photo of him, he didn't reply and now I notice he has blocked me on Match but not Whatsapp. I can only assume he took a second look at my photo and didn't like it or he doesn't want to send photos of himself.

Third bloke, MrColleague, things are going well so far, we have a lot in common and had a phone chat which was good. We've arranged a date for Saturday. I haven't heard from him all day and now just getting totally paranoid that something is going to go wrong with him too. It would be my first date after starting OLD again after a long break.

Please someone tell me not to stress.

I honestly think a lot of guys just expect you to turn up and throw yourselves at them and all they need to do is exist, they actually believe we’re grateful they spoke to us at all. Its fricking laughable...

@Naimee87

I'm 33 and so far never really ever been interested in anyone the same age as me or younger. I really prefer or am so much more drawn to men like 40+ is anyone else similar?

All the blokes round here with an age of 40 are either lying and really more like 50 (or 60 😳) or had a paper round that was all up hill with two flat tyres. Absolutely grim. But in rl the ones I know to be 40+ are lovely and in fact MrM is mid 40's and the oldest man I've been with, with the biggest age gap and absolutely smitten with him.

frankiefirstyear that post made me really laugh! I don't know what it is i just don't find younger men or men my age as attractive... i think and this is just my opinion and a massive generalisation but older men seem to know what they want and what to do to get it, they have a confidence. My friends all tell me we'd never ever have any issues with going for the same man as it seems its only me that's into big older men!

I agree with needing a thick skin for OLD. I decided in the end to not meet Mr fake as there were some oddities with his profile after he'd said he'd deleted it... he put up quite a fight but has finally accepted my decision - definitely bunting of red flags by this point! I ended up very pretty vulnerable and stupid, so deleted both my OLD profiles and decided I don't have a thick enough skin for it! I felt similarly last time I did it a year ago, that choosing people based on a photo just doesn't work for me. So, I'll see what crops up irl, if anything, and do some meetup stuff as it opens to start enjoying life again after lockdown. Good luck everyone else though - no doubt I'll lurk from afar

*I ended up feeling very vulnerable...

Arf at description of older men @frankiefirstyear

Yeh I used to go for older guys when I was under 30 as with a nightmare family I perceived them to be more “stable” and protective etc - they were often just fucking predatory weirdos looking back

I hoped I was getting “David” but I was getting “Andy” !

I think now it’s just taking each person on their own merits/case by case basis? It’s a cliche but you really can’t judge.

@Misty9

I agree with needing a thick skin for OLD. I decided in the end to not meet Mr fake as there were some oddities with his profile after he'd said he'd deleted it... he put up quite a fight but has finally accepted my decision - definitely bunting of red flags by this point! I ended up very pretty vulnerable and stupid, so deleted both my OLD profiles and decided I don't have a thick enough skin for it! I felt similarly last time I did it a year ago, that choosing people based on a photo just doesn't work for me. So, I'll see what crops up irl, if anything, and do some meetup stuff as it opens to start enjoying life again after lockdown. Good luck everyone else though - no doubt I'll lurk from afar

That's how I feel about OLD so go for the irl approach where possible, when I've emptied that pool I dip a toe back into OLD again, rinse and repeat 🤪 I absolutely hate feeling vulnerable but find it's nearly impossible not to when attempting to date strangers (for me anyway!)

@SpringlikeBunk 😂 superb illustration of the point of 40+'s round here! I also get a lot of 'well I grew up in the 80's raves' as a reason for them looking like a melted welly with a plethora of seasoned drug user issues 🤷‍♀️

MrMilitary is Justin
MrC and MrPM are both Toms
MrSaw is Pharrell

So yesterday I told MrTall that something is not sitting right with me, and that this was his one and only opportunity to tell me everything about his ex/living situation as my spidey senses were off the scale.

He only went and admitted that they are still living under the same roof he went on to tell me how they are 100% separated, how they sleep in separate rooms, live separate lives but under the same roof. He says the lie spiralled and then he get if he told me he would lose me.
He's told me he loves me, that he's sorry and he will do anything to put it right and make up for it.

Meh. I feel gutted to be honest. But I do have feelings for him. I feel so upset that he has lied to me for so long. Not sure I can get past that, or even if I want to.

@30somethingandstillsingle, firstly well done for asking the question and at least he has now been honest with you. Obviously it’s not a great situation and now it begs the question of what now ? Is he actually hoping / in a position to move out and find his own place? It is a big lie and it’s probably making you feel very strange given that they are under the same roof , even if leading separate lives. Do they have DC there with them ?

MrDecorator asked me what I've got for dinner. I've made chicken curry - he said "you should have dropped some round here". Is this what counts as "banter"? Cos it's getting on my tits now.

I sent him a link to his local Indian.

@VanGoghsDog, that made me laugh. If you’re hoping he’s going to paint your hallway then it’s a case of working out now how to maintain contact without giving him any encouragement. You seem to be quietly assembling quite a variety of irons without being hugely interested in any of them. What kind of guys are you usually more drawn to?

@SpringlikeBunk

MrMilitary is Justin MrC and MrPM are both Toms MrSaw is Pharrell

Andy is the top of the game around here 🤦‍♀️

@30somethingandstillsingle did he say why he's still living with her? I have done that with my ex and also lots of people I know have and boils down to money/standard of living/kids one or all of these things. The lie is the issue for me and not the living arrangements- do you feel the same? Maybe it's too raw for you to know the answer to that just now. Also, why did he come clean now, why not last week etc? Is it because he thought you'd find out or was it the guilt etc?

[quote Onesmallstep67]@VanGoghsDog, that made me laugh. If you’re hoping he’s going to paint your hallway then it’s a case of working out now how to maintain contact without giving him any encouragement. You seem to be quietly assembling quite a variety of irons without being hugely interested in any of them. What kind of guys are you usually more drawn to?[/quote]
He mentioned today about the painting which is booked for next week.

I have no idea what men I am drawn to really, but probably ones with the ability to have a conversation without being racist or spouting shit from the tabloids. I'm quite political (and leftie) so I'm not going to gel with shallow blokes who have no capacity for critical thought. Nor those who really should get a time machine to take them back to the 1950's.

I need more substance. Strength and independence. Plus a modicum of good manners. But not overdoing it with the "ladies first" shit.

I'm impossible!

@30somethingandstillsingle

I’d be pretty wary tbh - if he really cared for you surely he’d be taking practical steps to detach rather than all the love statements and emotional stuff

(are you meant to feel sorry for him and let him crash with you permanently now he’s made his confession ?).

I’m very wary of those who communicate in the language of emotions but the end result is they get practical benefits from the situation

@VanGoghsDog, I don’t think you sound impossible at all. Your list of preferences sound very similar to mine - although I wouldn’t say that Mr V completely fits the remit. And my experience of the apps was that guys with all the attributes that you mention can be a bit thin on the ground. It seems you are most keen on Mr WG. Maybe something might develop with him given time, beyond what he appears to be offering at the moment.

It seems you are most keen on Mr WG.

More than keen :(

MrWG is sort of a-political, at least at a party level. He's ex military and my understanding is that military are trained not to talk about politics. But he has capacity for intelligent thought and conversation. When I've made political comments he's usually agreed and at least showed an understanding of the issues.

He's very supportive of women too. He also works in public sector, and does loads of volunteering, he's altruistic. But this is why he's never available.

I sent him this today with a question mark.

@30somethingandstillsingle, I think he is minimising the lies and there is likely to be more. I'm sorry, it's pretty rubbish for you.