Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

I've posted on a fair few other threads on mumsnet. To realise that all the confusion and mixed messages isn't just happening to me is amazing. I think being ghosted by someone you really think you had a good connection is and even met in person, is such a horrible feeling and takes so much time to get over. Also the waiting on messages is such a waste of so much energy, time and emotions. I just finally got the message after months of 'are we, aren't we' texts that 'we aren't going anywhere' and i have to say i feel quite relieved, no more guessing, wondering and questioning what's he thinking all the time. So i'll move on to new and hopefully better 'men' if they are out there that is

@Naimee87, welcome. Good to hear that you are feeling better following the limbo this person’s actions put you in. Many of us on the thread will have experienced similar and I agree it’s a really unnecessary and unpleasant way to be treated. Hopefully going forward you won’t be treated the same way again or at least will have strategies to deal with it. Are you ready to get back out there ? You’ll get lots of friendly support on here.

I think it’s the whole nature of online dating that creates these problems. There’s always the option of just swiping and finding the ‘next best thing’

MrPM messaged just absurdly busy (as expected) but has given me a day for when he can come down after his vaccine.

I’ve been brave and randomly raised the idea about going away for a couple days haha (hussy! ). Just if I’m going and we’ve started dating he might want to come.

Expect a thread update when I get shot down in flames 🤦🏽‍♀️

Thanks Onesmallstep67! So nice of you to welcome me! I just feel like a idiot really, accepting his excuses when reappearing after days of being ignored, i also ignored so many red flags as friends saw this ending badly WAAAY before i did. I had the rose-tinted specs on though! And we met in real life, chemistry was there everything sort of felt 'right' and we kept it going over a fair few months and i think i just wasn't ready to admit it to myself that he just wasn't into me anymore and was ending things by going quiet and pulling away. But yep, learnt a lot and definitely not going down that road again. Just seems now that there is so much second-guessing and deciphering other peoples behaviour. But definitely have some much needed head-space back! Yay!

Ahh so glad you got your message @SpringlikeBunk 👍👍

Yeh I’ve definitely learned to be wary of the big chatters who don’t actually make serious plans in person but just send about fifty vague flirty messages before you can pin them down? It just fills up your inbox but nothing ever gets organised.

I'm drowning in potential irons! I keep thinking no more but they I get
A nice message and I reply.

I need a strategy for notes/thinning out the pack.

@cravingthelook are there some you are feeling more of a buzz with than others? Or try and do an intensive date thing ie one every day if you can?

@cravingthelook

The blogger I mentioned way up thread (think she’s called dateology) recommended just 2-3 matches at a time.

Her philosophy was that if you do start chatting with 4-5 decent guys then you end up “losing/wasting” some of them

as obviously you’ll be focussed on the 1-2 you like or where chemistry is faster and daters don’t tend to like feeling they’re “second choice”.

Eg I had a third dating potential for my staycation who could have been great - but I didn’t want to be meeting three guys in five days? So I had to let him drift. But then he was “wasted”?

So maybe once you’ve got those you’re excited about and built some rapport then just stop swiping/responding/hide your profile?

I do think it’s so easy to get scarcity mentality on apps - everyone says play the numbers game or keep your options open!

It’s finding that sweet spot between not overinvesting too soon in one prospect but also filtering effectively so you’re not just chatting to duds.

@SpringlikeBunk

MrPM messaged just absurdly busy (as expected) but has given me a day for when he can come down after his vaccine.

I’ve been brave and randomly raised the idea about going away for a couple days haha (hussy! ). Just if I’m going and we’ve started dating he might want to come.

Expect a thread update when I get shot down in flames 🤦🏽‍♀️

Aww good luck, how exciting and hope it goes well for you! I'd LOVE to go away for a couple of days with MrM but zero childcare makes that impossible 😫

Lol @frankiefirstyear it’s just an idea so far - I want to go away myself so if he’s got time off too and we want to get to know each other a bit then might be nice?

He’s in a lifestyle where I expect normally he’d go sailing or skiing or something during holiday periods but with the situation he might want something a bit more local.

Anyway it’s one meet at a time so just see if we can get to the next one 🤞

(I think my ex-iron MrC who is working away still would probably be up for taking me on a weekend away too when he gets back 😶. Best casual irons are old serious irons 😂)

MrDecorator - plenty of messages today but no update on any plans for this evening. These messages were yesterday.

I’m lost you guys move too fast.

I didn’t loo update on my date yesterday as I was drunk, he was attractive, funny, we never stopped talking. We drank a full cocktail menu BUT I don’t think there was any flirting on either side 🤷‍♀️ Quick peck as I left but more like a matey vibe. I could defo fancy him but it felt more like 2 mates getting drunk. We continued messaging when I got home and today but I’m not sure if we will see each other again. We will see!

Thanks annoying van does he just assume he’s coming to you then?

@Marlboroandmalbec34

Thanks annoying van does he just assume he’s coming to you then?

He could come for a coffee but I've not invited him, have I?

Idiot man. He'd better not just turn up here. Pubs are closed today too so not sure where we could go anyway (plus it's freezing).

@VanGoghsDog

Hahaha - what did he do eventually?

I think MrDecorator is MrMilitary is disguise - mixing irons was bound to happen sooner or later!

it's the whole "wanting to just come over to yours but playing it so that they're pretending you're meeting out and you're setting up a date" situation.

I don't mind someone coming over/hosting in the right context with forward planning

but someone who is pushy and wants "coming over" to be the default....

I SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING YOU WANNABE COCKLODGER LITE.

Exciting to have all those matches and chats @cravingthelook, fun times.

@VanGoghsDog hope the date with mr decorator was a nice one!

I SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING YOU WANNABE COCKLODGER LITE.
🤣🤣🤣

That sounded like a nice date @Marlboroandmalbec34. Would you like to see him again?

lol @frankiefirstyear

I dunno if you've met similar but rather than going "I want to come to yours" (so you can say yes or no with informed consent) it's like playing verbal games to push boundaries?

I don't mind hosting with notice (though not excessively) but it's someone I don't know very well pushing to "just come over when they want" that annoys me.

With Tinder last year I had someone go from:

• Meeting for a standard coffee walk
• To "he'd love to cook dinner some time"
• To "we could just chill out and watch a film" (forgot about dinner)
• why didn't I just come over to his.
• he was going to go for a kiss.

Etc.....

@GaraMedouar @Myfabby I'm in the South and only on Tinder, which does send me some far flung suggestions. The outie man was quite good looking, as I remember, but I would not touch him with a barge pole with that profile!

I had a spate of right swiping yesterday, in the spirit of stop being so picky and you never know. Turned out quite well. A carpenter not far away has suggested meeting at the weekend - I usually go for the kind of man who can discuss Nietzsche but not change a light bulb so this is quite a departure for me. I'll call him Mr Carpenter.

Much more excitingly, I've been chatting non-stop to someone who is not the look I'd usually go for but I couldn't resist his profile blurb: "Single male in dead-end job seeks dumpy neurotic for mutual psychological torture and tepid sex. Serious replies only 🤪" He turns out to be hugely interesting and has already sent me music that almost made me cry. He's miles away though, and that's when he's 'local' - spends most of his time up north or abroad so it's clearly hopeless. But I'm enjoying the chat immensely. I'll call him Mr Hopeless.

And I'm 54 for another 10 days (gulp) so within your age range I'd say, gara