Dating Thread 203- Love is in the air!

[Heartbeats0708]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

[SortingItOut]

@Heartbeats0708 I had no boundaries with my husband and his emotional affairs so once we split I vowed to change and I did.
The FBs/FWBs became like a commodity to me, no feelings involved and if they did anything that slightly irked me they were gone, no second chances. I don't trust men to change.
Plenty of men to fill their space.
I had a No.1 but I binned him off after 14 months when he tried to dictate to me, he was gutted but I was just pissed off.

[Heartbeats0708]

Oh goodness. Our situations sound horribly similar @SortingItOut I'm just at the crossroads of whether to give another chance or start over. I am pissed off but also do feel very sad at the prospect of not seeing him again, I am quite attached to him which probably goes against the rules of fwb anyway. I'd get over it, but I do like him iyswim. I just don't want to come across like a doormat for it to happen again.

[SortingItOut]

@Heartbeats0708 I know its difficult to give up someone you like, i liked my No.1 as a person and lover but I had set my boundaries and had to stick to them.
Luckily we weren't friends before and met on a dating site.
If you were friends before I would expect a lot more respect.

Do you think you can do FWB if you have feelings? The whole point is to not develop feelings, I mean you can like and care about them but nothing more otherwise it gets messy.

You're still on the apps aren't you? You could keep him in your life as a FWB but hope you meet someone for a relationship soon.

[Onesmallstep67]

@Heartbeats0708, as you rightly said Mr Cocky became much more than a FWB and saw me through some really grotty times - and vice versa. I always knew that I wanted more than he could offer in terms of a conventional RS. I have been zero contact for 6 weeks now , something that previously would have felt too difficult to sustain but it gets easier.( no physical contact since the end of lockdown 1 when things started to develop with Mr V) Eesha gave me a nudge on here last week when I was feeling in need of some attention and previously Mr Cocky would have been my go to. As she rightly pointed out I would have felt rubbish if Mr V was turning to another woman in the same way.
I don't even know how to say this without sounding like a not very nice person but previously I just did what suited me. At times I bombarded my heart and head with way too much, saw guys that I shouldn't have seen and had too many options on the go. I did most of it in a period of personal turbulence and with no one really being my moral compass or barometer. Things are not picture perfect with Mr V but he is now the only man that I am involved with and I am enjoying this period of calm. I have no idea how I will behave if things come to a halt with him but I would definitely try not to go back to the fun chaos of a couple of years ago.

[Heartbeats0708]

Oh no not friends like that before, always been lovers. But the F part was important to both of us.
Yeah can definitely do fwb, it is more a like and a care kind of feeling than anything deeper, as in, I wouldn't want to merge lives with Mr O I was just happy with how things were.
At the moment the only way I can keep him in my life is as a fwb. But I'm not sure if I can even do that with the boundary crossing. Yes recently gone back on apps, though not necessarily looking for LTR, just what I had with Mr O before.

[Heartbeats0708]

Sorry @Onesmallstep67 I really should refresh between replying!
I've been thinking a lot about your circumstance with Mr Cocky because it feels the closest comparison. I don't want more from a relationship, maybe he does, I'd have to ask.
If that makes you sound like a not very nice person then I'm not a very nice person either as that pretty much sums up what I'm doing. I could put all my eggs in one basket but frankly I don't want to and I don't trust the "basket" enough with my feelings. Definitely relate to the feelings of personal turbulence

[Onesmallstep67]

Is it only the breaking of agreed conduct rules that has unsettled you @Heartbeats0708 ? You seem otherwise happy with the arrangement that you have. There's a lot to be said for having a regular, reliable FWB if you are both happy with what that means. My problem with Mr Cocky was that there was an imbalance, not on feelings but on the practicalities or rather the hope of what it might become- on my part. I think even if he had any thoughts of us being more he just had to maintain his stance. Or maybe not... and for me that is where the head fuck came... too much worrying at times about who else he was seeing, who else he was kissing so tenderly.. now that is gone, or rather going. The universe further helped me by locking me out of a phone that was never previously locked and wiping all contacts. So no more random checking his whatsapp for me ! I can email him, and I will at some point but I am saving that for the right moment. I don't want to reignite any feelings at a time when I am feeling weak.

[OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]

Hi everyone,

Just had my happy Birthday call with Mr. Bookworm. It was lovely. I've never had a boyfriend call me and wish me happy birthday before, so it was really really nice 😊❤️

[Mayzee]

That’s lovely @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards and have a lovely birthday today - hope you have loads of treats planned for yourself

[Heartbeats0708]

Absolutely just the breaking of agreed conduct @Onesmallstep67 I don't feel jealous or uneasy about the other women he's seen, lack of honesty is just a real bug bear of mine but I'm not sure if I'm cutting my nose off to spite my face. In every other respect we have always been good together. I think we might need a long chat about what we both want and see if we're singing off the same songsheet for a start..then see if I can put this behind me. Thank you for sharing your experience, it helps to see it from a different perspective. wish I'd posted about this before instead of agonising on my own

Happy birthday @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards hope you have a lovely day and glad you had a nice chat with Mr Bookworm have you any plans to meet up in person yet?

[Slothmomma]

Happy birthday onwardseverstriding 🎂 glad things are going well with mr bookworm 😊

Thanks for the responses re letting an iron go. I've sent a message saying I don't multidate and things are progressing with another match so want to concentrate on that so cancelling our meet. Said it wad nice to have met him and wished him well with his search. Hope he takes it well.

[Onesmallstep67]

Happy Birthday @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, what a lovely way to start your day. It's all sounding very positive with Mr Bookworm. Let's hope that it's not too long before you get to meet IRL

@Heartbeats0708, sounds like you have got things clear from your perspective so fingers crossed he's at the same place with things.

[bangheadhere40]

Happy Birthday 🎂 hope you have a lovely day and how nice that it's going well with Mr Bookworm.

[OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]

Thank you so much for the birthday wishes, everyone ❤️

Me and Mr. Bookworm had a wonderful chat. It was lovely to have him call me. Felt all special and tingly, which I haven't felt in a long time

We really want to meet face to face, but haven't decided when and where yet.

I'm going to the hairdressers today and treating myself to a cut and colour. Really looking forward to it! ❤️

[SpringlikeBunk]

Happy birthday @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I hope you have a lovely day

@Heartbeats0708

Maybe you could just go to genuine friends/contacts no physical intimacy with your guy?

If that’s the sticking point but you want him in your life then stay in touch but obviously having physical sex with someone moves you to that intense trust/feelings/vulnerability situation.

I was quite honest with MrMilitary that I didn’t want to “have sex” just for the sake of it with him and of course he wasn’t happy and may not be in touch , but meh it’s consent and boundaries isn’t it?

Someone’s not a friend to me if they’re only friends if they can put their penis in me.

[OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]

@SpringlikeBunk

Happy birthday *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards*

I hope you have a lovely day

*@Heartbeats0708*

Maybe you could just go to genuine friends/contacts no physical intimacy with your guy?

If that’s the sticking point but you want him in your life then stay in touch but obviously having physical sex with someone moves you to that intense trust/feelings/vulnerability situation.

I was quite honest with MrMilitary that I didn’t want to “have sex” just for the sake of it with him and of course he wasn’t happy and may not be in touch , but meh it’s consent and boundaries isn’t it?

Someone’s not a friend to me if they’re only friends if they can put their penis in me.

Thank you @Spring ❤️😘

[GaraMedouar]

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - Happy Birthday and so glad it’s going well with Mr Bookworm.

[OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]

[quote GaraMedouar]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - Happy Birthday and so glad it’s going well with Mr Bookworm.[/quote]
Thank you @GaraMedouar ❤️😘

[BelladiMamma]

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Hi everyone,

Just had my happy Birthday call with Mr. Bookworm. It was lovely. I've never had a boyfriend call me and wish me happy birthday before, so it was really really nice 😊❤️

So happy for you

[BelladiMamma]

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Thank you so much for the birthday wishes, everyone ❤️

Me and Mr. Bookworm had a wonderful chat. It was lovely to have him call me. Felt all special and tingly, which I haven't felt in a long time

We really want to meet face to face, but haven't decided when and where yet.

I'm going to the hairdressers today and treating myself to a cut and colour. Really looking forward to it! ❤️

And have a very happy birthday 🎂 and haircut 💇‍♀️

[BelladiMamma]

Just checking to say I'm still reading with interest but I don't have any FWB experience, but I have plenty of experienced being with the wrong people. I've had a year + of being separated from ex and in that time it's been a veritable smorgasbord of the cocklodger, the alkies and the plain fucking stalkerish. I wouldn't wish it on anyone but I know my boundaries were so messed up after the breakdown of a long and difficult relationship.

So far so good with Mr Bear 🐻 we are in touch all the time and now in the commitment conversation stage and we have been in the same place with every step. Now booked our next 2 dates and it's going well. Conscious that we have a lot of challenges including sole custody of 5 children between us and a 40 mile distance. But so far so good ♥️🐻♥️

[GaraMedouar]

@BelladiMamma - happy for you, how it’s progressing with Mr Bear. It’s amazing how quickly things can turn around .....
I’m supposed to have a first date with Mr Haircut tonight. Messaging has not been super scintillating and we’ve not even spoken on the phone but I’m hoping in person things may be good? ( compared to my first step into OLD with Mr S where texts were frantic, funny , fab - phone calls lasted hours and hours - all wonderful - and then fell flat on first meeting !!)
I decided to give myself a haircut - with benefit of YouTube tutorials - and it looks much better.
But I decided not to dye my salt and pepper hair. I’m in my fifties , can’t be bothered, and anyone I meet will have to accept me grey hair and all.
I’m not sure if date will go ahead as he wasn’t feeling too well yesterday so we shall see ..... hopefully I won’t be ghosted again . But I’m not feeling nervous this time , which is probably better - I just think what will be will be.

[frankiefirstyear]

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Hi everyone,

Just had my happy Birthday call with Mr. Bookworm. It was lovely. I've never had a boyfriend call me and wish me happy birthday before, so it was really really nice 😊❤️

Happy birthday 🥳

[BelladiMamma]

[quote GaraMedouar]@BelladiMamma - happy for you, how it’s progressing with Mr Bear. It’s amazing how quickly things can turn around .....
I’m supposed to have a first date with Mr Haircut tonight. Messaging has not been super scintillating and we’ve not even spoken on the phone but I’m hoping in person things may be good? ( compared to my first step into OLD with Mr S where texts were frantic, funny , fab - phone calls lasted hours and hours - all wonderful - and then fell flat on first meeting !!)
I decided to give myself a haircut - with benefit of YouTube tutorials - and it looks much better.
But I decided not to dye my salt and pepper hair. I’m in my fifties , can’t be bothered, and anyone I meet will have to accept me grey hair and all.
I’m not sure if date will go ahead as he wasn’t feeling too well yesterday so we shall see ..... hopefully I won’t be ghosted again . But I’m not feeling nervous this time , which is probably better - I just think what will be will be.[/quote]
That's good to feel that sense of what will be will be @GaraMedouar, I think it helps you figure out what the other person is like rather than hoping and projecting. I think with MrGinger I was projecting because we'd worked together before and he was a lovebomber at the start.

The big difference is Mr Bear 🐻 had written 'looking for a LTR' on his profile so I think he approached everything in that spirit, no rush kind of thing. Obviously I have no idea how things will pan out but I'm really pleased that we turned out to be each other's number 1 option!

As for hair, I caved and got it dyed again 🤷🏻‍♀️

[lovelost21]

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Thank you so much for the birthday wishes, everyone ❤️

Me and Mr. Bookworm had a wonderful chat. It was lovely to have him call me. Felt all special and tingly, which I haven't felt in a long time

We really want to meet face to face, but haven't decided when and where yet.

I'm going to the hairdressers today and treating myself to a cut and colour. Really looking forward to it! ❤️

Happy birthday @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards 🎉🎊🎂