How much younger is much..?

[HowMuchYoungerIsTooMuch]

OK. So I met a man about 3 or 4 years ago. We had a lot of chemistry. Nothing happened but we were clearly very attracted to each other.

Anyway, circumstances happened, we lost contact and then covid hit and I haven't seen him for a couple of years.

I bumped into him yesterday - he was working so we couldn't really chat but he messaged me in the evening to say it had been a really nice surprise. We've exchanged a few messages back and forth and it's clear we both still find each other attractive.

I'm not interested in a relationship, i wouldn't be a serious prospect for him anyway.

Would a summer fling - just a bit of fun - be a ridiculous idea?

I've just turned 46, he's 25.

OP I for one thinks people should do whatever the heck they want as long as it's not illegal or hurting people. Your dc are unaware. Even if there found out, they are adults I believe. It's not your responsibility to hide life from them. Jesus, people. So narrow minded. It's sex. It's not terrorism or drug smuggling. Morals don't even come into it. I have WAAAAY more of a problem with judgemental people than I do with unusually matched people enjoying sex. Crack on.

There seems to be great difficulty on the part of some posters in accepting that not everyone's experience of being an older woman is the same.
Just because some older women cannot imagine a younger man would be interested in someone their age unless it was a bet, or there was something wrong with the man, doesn't mean this is the case for all older women.
Equally, just because some older women's only point of reference for younger people is maternal (you could be his MOTHER!!!) doesn't mean all older women see younger adults as children, which is just as well, as it's incredibly patronising.
It's not remotely unusual for young men to like older women, a quick look at any dating site will show you that, and given the opportunities to date them are so freely available, i doubt anyone sees it as anything to lie or brag about.
However nor is it anything to be ashamed of or shamed about given it impacts no one other than the two people in involved.

It's just a leg over thing for a young man with older lady. But afterwards he may think your old & desperate & you may feel used, and feelings can develop and someone usually ends up hurt. X

Pleased it's going well for you. Ignore the negative comments; only you know you and from what you've said it sounds like both of you are up for fun with your eyes wide open.

It could be a long summer ;)

@Saltedhero

It's just a leg over thing for a young man with older lady. But afterwards he may think your old & desperate & you may feel used, and feelings can develop and someone usually ends up hurt. X

'Afterwards' when? After what?

Yes, you're right. That might happen but it definitely happened with the 53 year old i dated last year and the 43 year old I dated when I was 40. They both decided I was "too old" afterwards.

So it can happen whoever you date at whatever age.

It seems to me that we seem to fall into one of two camps. Either he's taking advantage of me because I'm old and desperate (at 46, I'm neither) or I'm taking advantage of him because he's young and naive.

When, in reality, relationships of any nature/duration are not protected from any of the things people have suggested.

There seems to be no understanding or awareness that he and I might have actually talked about this. And, obviously, no knowledge of either of us as individuals.

I've never entertained the idea dating someone younger than me before. It's certainly not something I went looking for and I very much doubt he did either. Like I said at the beginning, I believe, we've known each other for a few years. We first had the opportunity when i was 42 and he was 21 but it felt wrong to both of us. To realise the feelings were still there 4 years later during a chance encounter caught us both off guard, I think.

Your experiences with 'age appropriate' men really resonate. So many middle aged men reject older women for younger ones, who they see as aspirational. Whereas for young men, young women are the norm, and older women seem to have a novelty factor. There are also way more young men wanting older women than older women who will have them, so the rarity value is probably a factor too.
Not necessarily in your case OP as it sounds like you just happen to like each other, but for some I think.

@5128gap

Your experiences with 'age appropriate' men really resonate. So many middle aged men reject older women for younger ones, who they see as aspirational. Whereas for young men, young women are the norm, and older women seem to have a novelty factor. There are also way more young men wanting older women than older women who will have them, so the rarity value is probably a factor too. Not necessarily in your case OP as it sounds like you just happen to like each other, but for some I think.

Yes, the 53 year old made it quite clear that my attractiveness to him had a very low ceiling because I was 45 and not 25.

He was very bitter about the fact that young women were only interested in older men who were tall and wealthy and he was neither and he had no choice but to date women like me because younger women were shallow, grabby gold diggers! (Or just not interested in him...)

This man and I are attracted to each other despite the age difference not because of it.

Sounds like you had a lucky escape there.
Its amuses me to think of older men chasing younger women, who want younger men, who are chasing the older women that the older men don't want.

In the Times yesterday I think 😉

@HaggisBurger

In the Times yesterday I think 😉

😆 I might have to seek that out and read it...

Neither of us are in this for the long term for obvious reasons but he did bring up last night that he wants us to be exclusive and it isn't just a sex thing for him.

He sounds lovely...bloody good on you --and please send some of those vibes my way for good luck!)

Seriously, I'm the same age as is my best mate and we're both single. We've both found that in most cases younger men are so much more respectful that men the 'right' age.

I'm not sure I'd go as young as 25 tbh, but if it works for you both that is all that matters.