This is my first post and I’m really looking for some honest answers. I’m feeling quite alone and not sure what to do.
Until last week I thought I was in the most loving, happy relationship. We don’t ever argue, we have many of the same interests and we are just so happy. We’ve spoken about having our first baby and I’m no longer on the pill. We have a home together and have been in each others pockets over lockdown as we’ve both been working from home. Anyway... I’ll cut to the chase he was showing me his bank statement and I noticed a subscription to onlyfans, and he denied using it claiming it must be an old subscription from before we got together (it was a pending charge for the day before - I’m not stupid). I asked him to leave because he kept lying and then I went on his computer to find thousands of downloaded paid for porn videos, this is money going out every month - he often claims he has no money so I cover him on many occasions, which I don’t mind, I earn more and I love him. I checked the dates he was doing this and it’s been throughout our entire relationship, even at times when he’s borrowed money off me he’s been paying for porn. For example I pay for all of the household bills because he says he can’t afford them, but because I earn more I can. The money he has been regularly paying out covers our bills and way more.... one month he spent over £400 on porn. I confronted him with all of the evidence and he told me he has a porn addiction (it’s also a specific type of porn which grossed me out... he’s been paying for pictures of random women’s feet amongst other stuff). I’m struggling to speak with friends about this because I’m embarrassed. We also have sex almost every day, so I’m just shocked that he’s doing this.... he said it’s when I go to bed and am asleep. It makes me feel sick as we discussed the use of porn when we first got together and both agreed it was not ok to watch in a relationship, or to at least hide from the other. He has also made comments on other people’s relationships / only fans and how awful he thinks it is to do this if you’re in a relationship.
He’s had a session with a sex therapist and he said he is committed to stopping and having therapy but I just don’t know what to do or if I can ever trust him again. In my eyes he’s cheated on me since we met, messaged women for intimate photos and paid for it. I’ve never felt the need to look at his phone or social media etc because we were in such a trusting relationship and now I’ve become someone I didn’t think I would be.
Has anyone else had a relationship with a porn addict? I just feel so betrayed and hurt. He’s also asked that we don’t tell people what’s happened because he’s so embarrassed about what he’s done/ what he’s into... so I’m having to pretend things are OK. Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated!