DH has left me. Cheer me up MN!

[DriftGames]

In 26, H is 31. Together 5.5 years, married 2.5, DD together 18mo.

He's always had flaws. Lazy, quite selfish (always made the plans, always did what he wanted to do and I just went along), plenty of flirting with other women in secret via social media, but he did look after me and through my rose tinted glasses I let all the shit slip.

After our wedding we decided to TTC DD1. Very excited, fell pregnant fast, all was great until she was about 3 months. I think I had PND but not diagnosed and lockdown hit. I don't live near any family or friends as I moved to be with him. He was furloughed for a little while (5 weeks) which was amazing but once he went back, it was back to me doing all of the parenting, night feeds (EBF and awful sleeper), the housework etc. It came to a head in June 2020 and he left. After some talking he came back and I admitted fault (unsure what for but that's narcissists for you).

Since June 2020, he's probably lived with his parents more than he has here. He knows he always manages to make the split my fault so I shower him with attention and he comes back eventually. Monday last week I asked him to help with DD at night as she's not longer BF and I'm exhausted and not coping well at work etc. He flew off the handle, asked me to pack his bags. I packed mine and DD's instead, left a note and then went to stay with family. We're back now. He's not seen DD. He won't give me house keys or make arrangements but is '100% done'.

Playing games? Maybe. Have I begged like a twat? Yes.

He says he's done. Because I asked him to help with his child.

I love him, but all said and done, please can you guys cheer me up and show me that me and DD absolutely deserve better and that I will get over this?

Congrats if you got this far!!

@DriftGames amazing progress! Well done.... also starting to worry we have the same ex cause the petty comments and mind games sound familiar 🤔 🤣

You're doing amazing and it's only going to get better. Also great you've reconnected with someone who was a force for good.

You take care and just shout up if you need to vent xxx

Well good on your for staying calm and being far more mature than him. He may well have been upping the anti in the hope you would beg to have him back.

Onwards and upwards!

@DriftGames, yeah, you're doing great. It will all be sorted soon, then your future will be amazing. His loss.

@Amdone123 @RandomMess @MrsNewms85 thank you all so much.

I've since had to text him to ask if he wouldn't mind not using the family Netflix (my DF account) and he put '😂😂😂😂' and said I'm not to use his Amazon account. I don't anyway, but as he's not the bill payer and my brother couldn't use Netflix because he was on it, I thought I was more than reasonable to politely ask he log out. I said I'm aware he's been using it since we split and until it came to a point where one of us couldn't use it, it wasn't a problem. Cheeky fucker.

He is a cheeky fucker, I’d get the password changed ASAP.
Did dd spend the day with him? I hope you had a good catch up with your friend.

The best thing about this is that you won't waste your entire youth on a massive prick like I did.

@DriftGames how are you & dd doing?

@IggyAce doing very well thank you! Ex-DH is being a twat, as per. Has been spotted with women in each other's cars, these women are in relationships, ones he told me not to worry about, he's playing with fire. He also wrote on FB that if I was on fire he would 'use petrol to put her out'. What a guy.

DD starts at a childminder on Monday! Nervous but excited. He obviously lost it over this, why he was involved in the decision, have I done the correct checks etc. Of course I have. He's just hating the fact that I'm doing all of this without him.

He has he every Thursday afternoon and every other Sunday now, though he arrives late (meaning I'm late work for on Thursdays) and drops her off early. He's generally just being a huge dickhead.

Fingers crossed as time goes on he will grow up and stop behaving like a toddler. I'm on top of the world until I have to speak to him and then he fills me with rage, so the sooner he stops acting a child, the better for everyone!

Why he wasn't involved*

He sounds terrible. I was separated at 23 and divorced at 25. As you can tell from the username (which is now nearly 4 years out of date) I’ve moved on and am with someone fab. You’ll be fine. Don’t waste your time with this loser.

@JustMarriedAndLovingIt he really is! Oh how lovely, congratulations on finding the right one!

@DriftGames , fancy saying that about the mother of his child. No doubt people read that comment and were disgusted, so he shot himself in the foot there.
You, on the other hand, have behaved impeccably, admirably and with so much maturity. You are a great mother.

Sounds like you are doing great, lots of deep breaths when dealing with him. It’s great that your dd seems to be settling into a routine, let’s hope he sticks to it. If he continues to be late I’d consider sending her to child minder or is their a relative or friend who would look after dd? Id tell him that she needs collecting by x time give him 15mins grace and then just drop her with CM or friend and he forfeits that days visit.

Can't believe he put something so nasty on fb about you. Hope you've got it saved somewhere in case you need it later. My ex still shows up late, think he gets off on inconveniencing me, just had have to laugh that he still need some petty version of control.

You're doing so well, keep it up xxx

@Amdone123 @IggyAce @MrsNewms85 thank you all for your kind words and for checking up on me!

Yes, I've saved the screen shot sent to me - it was actually my boss who sent it and he said he felt awful for showing me but ultimately, it's stuff like that in which I need to keep hold of just in case! It didn't get the reactions he wanted, as far as I could see.

Yes, I give him 15 minutes and then either take her with me wherever I'm heading or if it's the Thursday I will send her to the CM. I'm not having him control my life. He was due from work yesterday at 12:40, giving me 20 minutes to get to work, park & walk in, and he arrived at 12:55 after popping home for a shower. It took every ounce of my strength not to absolutely bite his head off, but I know he's doing it just to get a reaction so as long as I don't give him one, he will hopefully give it up sooner or later!

You deserve better. Keep away from this immature controller

Interesting update.

Yesterday he was due to collect DD from CM at 1, but she had a rotten cold so I kept her home with me and asked him to collect her from me at 12:45 so I could be at work for 1, having already lost 4 hours by not sending her to CM. He kicked off, saying his 'hours' were 1-6 so he'll get her at 1. He did collect her at 12:45 but hadn't been at work so could have had her all day so I didn't miss work, but hey ho.

Any who, at work he sent me a text asking to be friends?? Said we've been a huge part of each other's lives for so long and made so many memories etc. I simply said no, I want to be friendly for DD's sake but I've no interest in being friends. He said he'd like to text throughout the day like he does his other friends. Absolutely not thank you.

When he dropped DD off, he lingered at the door for ages and then heard DDog in the background and asked to come and see him. I said yes, okay. So in he came, just general chit chat whilst he fussed DDog, then he started to prompt things about his mental health and saying he hasn't 'done anything wrong' - as in, hasn't been sleeping around. I simply said we are two single people and providing DD doesn't get shafted for a one night stand, I do not care. He was clearly ridden with guilt, but part of me believed he probably hasn't been getting any, but has been meeting certain people (they've been spotted, not sure if I've mentioned this previously). He was here for 50 minutes and then left. He then started texting me again, saying how DD is his 'everything' and that he has 'nothing and no one anymore'.

I was very mature, friendly but firm on the fact that I will be more than friendly for DD's sake but I've no reason to speak with him. He seemed fairly devastated by this.

It's been wrecking my head since it happened, I don't know what to make of it all?? I say wrecking my head, only in a sense of 'what is he getting at' rather than anything else.

I'm very, very happy with my life at the moment, and I don't see any reason other than contact for DD for him to be a part of it. Just so confused as to what he was getting at!

7 weeks on Monday since he left, and I feel fab

@DriftGames oh dear, sounds like someone's regretting their decision and their ego is hurt that you're better off with them boo f-ing-hoo!
You stay strong, of course be civil for the bairn's sake but defo keep him at arms length.

I'm so excited for you and your new chapter. Sounds like you're doing awesome! Xx

Just found your thread and rad through.

Wow you're doing amazing keep it up lady you're nailing this, what a role model your DD has she won't take any crap from a partner in the future just like you.

As for your last post I refer to what I've already said, why would he not look at himself now and think FUCK that was mine once. But you know you're better than him and he lost it. Ha ha ha, fuck off loser
Keep your chin up and tits out and keep walking away from this mess of a human

You're doing great, @DriftGames, you really are. Keep on, one day at a time, you've got this.

I haven't read the whole thread, but the positives are, your mother in law is a proper adult who clearly wants a relationship with you, you have a great boss who is going to make this easy for you and you should treasure and make feel appreciated, your family are not so far away and you are clearly a switched on young woman who now has no rush to find a man. I'm 37, I've done the small child stage. Don't get another bloke, just forge ahead with your daughter, it will be easier believe it or not under your own steam. Someone much nicer and less selfish will come along at the right time and you will wonder why you thought you loved him.

Remember how you told us he was a narcissist? Yeah, well him seeing you coping is his narcissism. He can't stand that you can live, even thrive without him. How doesn't want you, he wants you to suffer like him. He's not a nice man. Avoid avoid avoid.

Thank you everyone. Absolutely lift me up every time I update this thread!

@WeakAsIAm chin up & tits out as always dear! Hahaha.

Yes, he's really struggling, and as much as I don't want to see him suffer, I'm kind of.. happy about it? This is what he wanted. And if he regrets it, that's his problem. I genuinely have absolutely no interest in going back to him, he has nothing to offer me and DD. We have lots of memories together but they are just that - memories, and that's how they shall stay

How you doing lovely? X

@MrsNewms85 very well thank you!

Ex currently sees DD once a fortnight but has disclosed that he is still in love with me, wants me back, will find anything to change blah blah.

Far too happy on my own for that!

Thank you for checking up on me!