DH has left me. Cheer me up MN!

[DriftGames]

In 26, H is 31. Together 5.5 years, married 2.5, DD together 18mo.

He's always had flaws. Lazy, quite selfish (always made the plans, always did what he wanted to do and I just went along), plenty of flirting with other women in secret via social media, but he did look after me and through my rose tinted glasses I let all the shit slip.

After our wedding we decided to TTC DD1. Very excited, fell pregnant fast, all was great until she was about 3 months. I think I had PND but not diagnosed and lockdown hit. I don't live near any family or friends as I moved to be with him. He was furloughed for a little while (5 weeks) which was amazing but once he went back, it was back to me doing all of the parenting, night feeds (EBF and awful sleeper), the housework etc. It came to a head in June 2020 and he left. After some talking he came back and I admitted fault (unsure what for but that's narcissists for you).

Since June 2020, he's probably lived with his parents more than he has here. He knows he always manages to make the split my fault so I shower him with attention and he comes back eventually. Monday last week I asked him to help with DD at night as she's not longer BF and I'm exhausted and not coping well at work etc. He flew off the handle, asked me to pack his bags. I packed mine and DD's instead, left a note and then went to stay with family. We're back now. He's not seen DD. He won't give me house keys or make arrangements but is '100% done'.

Playing games? Maybe. Have I begged like a twat? Yes.

He says he's done. Because I asked him to help with his child.

I love him, but all said and done, please can you guys cheer me up and show me that me and DD absolutely deserve better and that I will get over this?

Congrats if you got this far!!

Ugh what a sack of shit.
Well rid!

Good on you! I think you’ve totally done the right thing. It doesn’t sound like he brings much to the party anyway

Bloody hell, you're well rid of him. Onwards and upwards, you have your whole life ahead of you and deserve better!

Oh god, stay strong. In 6 months time you'll wonder why the fuck you stayed with him so long.
Move nearer your family, stay away from any relationship until your self-esteem has improved.

I broke up with my ex when I was 26, DD was 2. I was financially, emotionally and mentally better off. Was the best thing I ever did. I now have an amazing husband and the best family and I wouldn't have had that if I'd have hung around thinking what if?

Good luck, you know you deserve better or you wouldn't be honest about how much of a twat he is!

@AJ297 thank you. I'm starting to feel better already, I've sorted (most) finances out and I can continue working the hours that I am and have some support from UC which means I will be financially better off too, and can stay in my house until my credit improves and I can move.

He came to take DD tonight. He had her for 35 mins before he called to say she was tired, should he return her - standard behaviour. I was walking the dog but he bought her back the second I got back, had her less than an hour in total.

When he got here I asked for my keys and talked money/contact/possessions etc. I stayed strong, showed no emotion (happy if anything!), got things out of the way and genuinely didn't feel anything. I'll always love him, in some way, but usually when he runs away and comes to se DD I feel shit, get so upset etc. But I didn't - I really didn't.

It's going to take a lot of time, but I know I will feel better and as you all say, look back and wonder what kept me there for 5 years.

You lot are brill

Well done. That's the stuff your future is made of.

@DriftGames you will get there. I'm only 4 years on and it feels like a distant memory. Well done for being so strong and for doing this. It took me years to get the courage but honestly it's the fear of change that keeps you uncertain. Give it a few months and you will feel so much better 💕

Oh darling woman, you are 26 and still so young.
He is still very young but in his mentality. Sounds like he still needs mummy and daddy and hasn't quite grown up yet, despite having done lots of grown up things in his life ie; marriage and having a child.
Flirting on social media etc... you can and WILL do better.
Focus on being the best mother you can be and hold your head high.
Spend some time gathering your thoughts and building yourself up even more.

Here are a few things to enjoy while you do this:

• Bed to yourself
• Eat what you want, when you want
• Remote control to yourself
• Heating on full blast (or off) if you like
• Basically not have to consider a man child in anything you do

Enjoy

@DriftGames, you are at a perfect age to rebuild your life. Your late 20s, early 30s will be fab.

What makes you think he is a narcissist? If so there will be a pattern, hoovering, smear campaign, seeing your daughter only when it suits him, he will focus on his image so you will be painted black. I think you are showing great insight already.

@Fireflygal he craves attention, hence the flirting on social media, and no one is ever good enough for him. He only shows an interest in things he is interested in, if someone does something slightly annoying or inconvenient towards him then he takes the stance that he's 'done' with them as they've wronged him. He has very little empathy for others, can never see where he may have done wrong.

I know I'm better off without him, it's just hard right now.

He had DD for less than an hour last night and has already changed his SM picture to him and DD, probably along with a caption about how I've not let him see her - which obviously is not true. As much as I would like to announce on SM that we have separated and the reasons why, to protect my own reputation more than anything, I'm just not willing to satisfy his ego that way. Whether he has put anything up, I don't know, I'm blocked. But I'm taking the higher ground here and not rising - anyone close enough to know the ins and outs of what's happened will already know the truth.

@DriftGames, hope you are doing OK. Emotions will be mixed as no one marries and has a child thinking they will be a single parent however it's often for the best.

Take time to grieve and put effort into building good foundations for your life. In a few years when your dc is slightly older life will be easier. Narcisstic behaviour doesn't change and be warned that he is likely to move onto someone else very quickly. He may even portray happiness with a new woman but within a few years she will be in the same position as you.

@Fireflygal thank you. I expect to hear about him being in a new relationship fairly soon! I'm doing a little better at the moment. The house has gone into my name only today - woohoo! Would it be silly to have a celebratory glass of wine tonight about this?? Feel like I should be proud 🥲

How brilliant that he's left you when you're so young - you have your whole life ahead of you to live in the way you want without this sorry excuse for a husband/father holding you back.

Make sure you have incredibly high expectations of anyone you have a relationshop with going forward - you and your daughter deserve only the best.

Here's to the rest of your wonderful life. Boy is your ex going to wish he'd been worthy of you both when he sees what an amazing life you're having, how close you and your daughter are and what a great little girl you're raising without him.

Definitely take a moment to recognise every step. Well done that's quite a hurdle achieved.

You are the strong woman, mother, worker

Another case of a weak male, walking away from his wife & child

Hold your head up high !

Thanks ladies. Landlady has just popped round with the new contract. I got emotional!! But good emotional. This is my house now. It's mine and DD's house and no one else's. It's also perfect - far too big for the two of us but we'll let someone else in when we're ready, and when we've seriously vetted them

This time last week I honestly thought I was just going to be plodding through for DD whilst feeling like my life had ended for the rest of my life. But after fully recognising what a piece of shit he is, I feel much better. Still sad at times, but excited for our future with each other, and in time, someone who deserves US!

You are 26 with such a strong, sensible head on your shoulders. Well done, you are a fantastic role model to your DD. You have done the hardest part by leaving him, it will get easier.

Sounds like plenty of room for visitors - friends, family etc!

He sounds awful! Move closer to your support network.

@Thatwentbadly

He asked you to pack his bags! That has to the laziness man child behaviour I’ve heard on MN.

I really wished you’d laughed in his face at this point. Seriously though you sound like you’d be much better off without him.

He's text this morning, to see how DD & DDog are (first time hes asked about DDog). He used nicknames for them, ones that we used to use together, asked for pictures etc. Totally different tone to what he's had the last 2 weeks. I replied with a pic of each and said 'both good' and he replied 'I love them both so much.'

Regretting his decision? Trying to show me his mood has improved? Trying to worm his way back in through conversation?

Honestly don't know. But I'm not rising to it! I haven't replied since his 'I love them' text!

Oh he suddenly loves them so much, after not bothering for weeks? I reckon he's after a shag, or sick of living with his parents - probably both!

I’d put in a CMS claim now as well op. He at the very least needs to pay for his child.