Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Excited for first date but is this typical?

105 replies

cremeegg56 · 20/04/2021 18:39

Hi! I have a first date tomorrow, going for food and drinks with a guy I met on hinge which is really exciting. We spoke quite a lot a few months and did a few video calls early on, but communication tailed off because we were in lockdown.
He reached out recently and we both agreed we wanted to wait until lockdown was over to speak and we both weren’t looking for a penpal!

He suggested meeting and instantly put forward a date and time which was great. We planned it, he ended the convo then we didn’t text for 8 days. I was wondering if the date would still go ahead but he texted first today asking if I was still free tomorrow :)

We finalised plans then he said “see you tomorrow” and ended the convo. All fine of course, and excited for tomorrow, but I’m supposed I’m used to chatting to people who text a lot in between meeting? Is this a typical communication style? I’m okay with it, as I do prefer chatting in person but yeah it’s just not what I’m used to I suppose!

Does anyone have any similar experience and it’s worked out for the best? :)

OP posts:
Happycow · 20/04/2021 18:41

Not any particular experience but i have stopped communicating on OLD as its been too wierd chatting with no prospect of a meet up.

I wouldnt worry unduly- go on the date and see how it goes from there!

Rgy3250999 · 20/04/2021 18:43

Seems a bit odd to not want to chat at all in between meeting. Although I agree that you wouldn’t want to say everything via text and not have anything to say in person, I would find it quite strange. Make sure you meet in public and be careful.

Original poster
cremeegg56 · 20/04/2021 18:43

Yeah I definitely get why we stopped contact during lockdown and I was in agreement! Feels meaningful texting with no sign of meeting up anytime soon.

It’s more the fact he doesn’t text at all apart from organising the date... I’m not worrying at this stage just wondering if this was typical as it’s much different to what I’m used to (although these clearly haven’t worked out haha!)

OP posts:
Original poster
cremeegg56 · 20/04/2021 18:44

Not meaningful** haha

OP posts:
Lovelydiscusfish · 20/04/2021 18:45

I guess if you both agreed before you didn’t want a penal, maybe he is taking that really really literally? He might fear he will put you off if he texts.

It wouldn’t do for me - I am a wild over-texter and am happiest with someone who is too! (It’s odd as I am almost catatonically silent in the flesh). But, if it doesn’t bother you, I don’t think it is any kind of red flag as such...,

Enjoy the date!

Dunkindonuts8 · 20/04/2021 18:46

Maybe he thought when you said you didnt want a pen pal that you didn't like texting?

icedancerlenny · 20/04/2021 18:47

My boyfriend was like this. We matched, he asked to talk on the phone and then asked me for a date. I tried to get a bit of text conversation going in between, but he wasn’t interested. I almost cancelled the date as I didn’t know much about him & wrote him off. I had nothing better to do so went on the date and we’ve now moved in together! He still doesn’t really text but he calls me A LOT and always has. No games, no messing around, just didn’t want to waste his time prior to meeting and would rather spend time together or chat on the phone than text. It’s great and a total change from the years of dating previously!

RantyAnty · 20/04/2021 18:52

Just go and see how it goes without any expectations. Remember he is still a stranger no matter how much you've chatted online.

Allthephotos · 20/04/2021 18:55

Fatal error to suggest a date. You should have waited for him to ask you out.

Wanderlusto · 20/04/2021 19:02

He sounds ideal to be but then again I hate texting. Especially before I've even met someone and decided if I'm into him.

That being said, he left it a bit late to check if you were still on. The day before. I might worry he was one of those sorts who decide who to see at the last minute based on what woman is available.

I think just go forwards tentatively. Remember its him that has to suit you.

Treat it as a but of fun.
Good luck!

SmileyClare · 20/04/2021 19:09

Try not analyse this too much. I think you'll get a far better impression of him after meeting in person.

There could be various reasons for the lack of messaging;

  • He doesn't like talking over text or phone. Prepare for him to always be like this.
  • He sees little point in having lengthy conversations via messaging when he has no idea if you're compatible in real life
  • He's just interested in sex and can't be bothered with small talk and isn't interested in getting to know you.

I'd advise going to the date with an open mind but don't go with too high expectations? Remember you're "vetting" him as much as he is you.

I'm not very experienced with OLD but it probably goes without saying to let someone know where you'll be, meet in public etc.

Good luck Smile

Original poster
cremeegg56 · 20/04/2021 19:09

To be fair we did arrange it before and I suppose we had no reason to assume it wasn’t going ahead?

@Allthephotos he did initiate the date and suggested the day and time! Sorry if that wasn’t made clear :)

To be fair I haven’t even met the guy yet so no point stressing. If all goes well maybe the texting will become a bit more frequent :) thanks for all your thoughts! I’ll be sure to update you all haha!

Ps @icedancerlenny what a lovely story! 🥰

OP posts:
TheWaif · 20/04/2021 19:11

He might just want to wait until you meet in case there's no spark in real life.

TheWaif · 20/04/2021 19:13

Are you really excited about it? I never feel anything but dread!

Original poster
cremeegg56 · 20/04/2021 19:15

Yeah that’s a good point to be fair. Hahahaha love that, I usually get nervous/can’t be arsed but I’m quite excited as he seems lovely and I haven’t been on a date in a bloody long time!!! 😂

OP posts:
Lovelydiscusfish · 20/04/2021 19:16

@Allthephotos

Fatal error to suggest a date. You should have waited for him to ask you out.
Why do you say that? Not being snippy at all, just interested in the perspective. And would you say that just for the first date, or subsequent ones too?
Wanderlusto · 20/04/2021 19:16

@TheWaif

Are you really excited about it? I never feel anything but dread!
Haha same! Unless it's been a while. Usually find the getting all ready and dolled up for it is the best part. But heyho, we live in hope xD
Anotheruser02 · 20/04/2021 19:17

@Allthephotos

Fatal error to suggest a date. You should have waited for him to ask you out.
Why should she?

I think this is a good thing, I'm too old to think that someone who is chatty on the phone or has a lot to message about will be perfect for me in person. I'd rather not become over invested in the idea of someone and just meet them.

SmileyClare · 20/04/2021 19:18

You do sound very excited. I suppose there's the added thrill of actually going out socialising after being locked down for so long. Grin

I agree with pps, just try to enjoy it for what it is. Things will evolve if you're compatible, if not it could still be fun to get dressed up and have a nice meal.

Iamthewombat · 20/04/2021 19:19

He sees little point in having lengthy conversations via messaging when he has no idea if you're compatible in real life

This

He might just want to wait until you meet in case there's no spark in real life.

And this.

I was just the same as him when I did OLD, years ago. Wait until you meet him. I think he’s sensible for keeping a bit of distance and not encouraging false intimacy before you even know whether you like each other in person.

mooonstone · 20/04/2021 19:21

I haven’t ever done “online dating”, I’m early 20s and knew everyone I dated irl. In my experience we would definitely talk up until meeting up, and before we had the chance to meet up. It’s understandable if you’re at work and can’t reply for a day or whatever, but complete air for weeks on end is weird

TooManyAnimals94 · 20/04/2021 19:21

@Allthephotos

Fatal error to suggest a date. You should have waited for him to ask you out.
What on earth??
Original poster
cremeegg56 · 20/04/2021 19:22

Hahah all so true, I think im most excited to dress up and put some nice lippy on for the first time in months 😂

I guess it’s not what I’m used to, but there’s been a fair few guys who create false intimacy over text/slow down meeting and it’s exhausting. Maybe he is being sensible and has his head screwed on a bit? And will hurt much less if we aren’t compatible/the date isn’t all that!

I’ll just see how it goes tomorrow! Thanks again everyone :)

OP posts:
Lovelydiscusfish · 20/04/2021 19:22

@TheWaif

Are you really excited about it? I never feel anything but dread!
Agree - on my one and only Tinder first date (which went well - we have now been together 9 months!) I can remember texting him on the way telling him I was absolutely bricking it and was thinking of running away screaming..... What made it worse is that I was then a smoker, but I didn’t know if he was and didn’t want to turn up smelling of fags, but in that situation I was desperate for one! (We had this splendid moment in the pub where he mentioned fags being cheap in the country he used to live in, and I said “Do you smoke”, and he said “Yeah, do you?” (We had both been pretending for the same reason). That’s when I knew I had met the total idiot of my dreams...... )

Good luck - I actually feel quite excited for you OP!

RealisticSketch · 20/04/2021 19:29

Hahaha, I would totally do this myself. Having never met you I would be viewing the chat so far as enough to know I want to meet you, but not adequate enough for anything beyond that, until we know each other in person, so I'd be seeing the first date as the point at which communication will go to the next level or call it a day if the spark isn't there.
So I think it's fine.