Excited for first date but is this typical?

[cremeegg56]

Hi! I have a first date tomorrow, going for food and drinks with a guy I met on hinge which is really exciting. We spoke quite a lot a few months and did a few video calls early on, but communication tailed off because we were in lockdown.
He reached out recently and we both agreed we wanted to wait until lockdown was over to speak and we both weren’t looking for a penpal!

He suggested meeting and instantly put forward a date and time which was great. We planned it, he ended the convo then we didn’t text for 8 days. I was wondering if the date would still go ahead but he texted first today asking if I was still free tomorrow :)

We finalised plans then he said “see you tomorrow” and ended the convo. All fine of course, and excited for tomorrow, but I’m supposed I’m used to chatting to people who text a lot in between meeting? Is this a typical communication style? I’m okay with it, as I do prefer chatting in person but yeah it’s just not what I’m used to I suppose!

Does anyone have any similar experience and it’s worked out for the best? :)

I hate "chatting" on texts. I'd rather a conversation, and in this situation I'd actually find it odd for someone to want to chat loads before they'd even met me.

When I was doing OLD I just wanted to meet up as soon as possible to decide if they looked like their pic and if I liked them before I could be bothered with chatting.

Maybe he's like me?

Healthy even, he isn't blowing smoke up your ass without having a clue who you really are.

If you hit it off then you'll be messaging more afterwards.
I wouldn't waste my time chatting to someone I don't know or know if I click with personally so maybe he's similar to me. I like to see what people are about first.

True! Maybe I’m used to the wrong type of men 😂
I’ll update you all tomorrow haha

I'm a mad texter (luckily my boyfriend is/has always been the same) so I would find this a bit strange BUT I'm forever reading people on MN saying they absolutely despise texting and find it weird to text frequently, so It is perhaps possible he doesn't want to get overinvested/idealise things over text in case there isn't a spark irl and you'd both be disappointed. Hope it goes well OP!

@Allthephotos

Fatal error to suggest a date. You should have waited for him to ask you out.

Fatal error - you didn't read the post . 🙄

Some people are transactional communicators. (I'm one of them). I prefer to text when making arrangements, but all other communication face to face. That's why I recoil in horror on here at women who have long text chats several times a day with a stranger before meeting for a first date. It's difficult to fathom for people like me.
Go and see how he is in person.

He sounds ideal

My hubby was like this when we first met so after a couple dates I was honest and explained I found it a tad weird and from then on he improved

I think if everyone texted less and spoke more either face to face or on the phone there would be a lot less anxiety in some of the posts I read on MN because their beau hasn't texted back within 2 minutes. He sounds like a good man that would rather meet then endless chit chat on text. It drives me mad too much texting. Pick the phone up or meet! Enjoy your lovely date OP.

I don't like that style of dating because I like to get to know who I'll be dating l, it creates a bit of excitement and build up before a date, it's makes you wonder what they would be like after the date and supposing you get on and like each other to go back to being silent again until the next date, i'd get bored.

@DianaT1969

Some people are transactional communicators. (I'm one of them). I prefer to text when making arrangements, but all other communication face to face. That's why I recoil in horror on here at women who have long text chats several times a day with a stranger before meeting for a first date. It's difficult to fathom for people like me. Go and see how he is in person.

It’s funny how different we all are, isn’t it? My boyfriend and I text all day every day we aren’t together (honestly - it would be rare for an hour to go by without us texting). Just random boring minutiae about what we are eating, totally normal things that have happened at work, that type of thing. Obviously sometimes we text about more interesting stuff, but lots of it is objectively pointless. But I like it - I find it strangely soothing. And yet when we are together we hardly speak (in a nice way - we are both just very quiet people).

My exH and I also used to text loads as I recall (it’s quite a few years back now). And we still do text a fair bit to be honest, certainly compared to many divorced couples I imagine (we are good friends now, and have a dd in common).

I’m the same with my mom - we text all day about similar pointless stuff - what we have bought at the supermarket, unremarkable things our friends have said to us, etc. We did it on our family WhatsApp for a while and it drove my brother mad, so we had to stop that and keep it between ourselves. And again, when together we don’t talk much.

There’s no right or wrong but the important thing is finding someone with a complementary communication style to your own I guess. But for OP I think it’s too early to know this - she will have to meet the guy first, and if they get on well in person, then see if they also gel in the other forms of communication.

Because I have to say, my most recent ex used to ignore my texts all day, and while that was far from the worst thing about him, and if he’d been lovely in other ways it would have been manageable I guess, even that one aspect alone didn’t work very well for me.....

Hahaha! I suppose maybe we would text like that if we were actually together though? Maybe not before we’ve even met?

Also we spoke a fair bit before lockdown, did 2 video calls, got to know each other a bit.. before we went back into lockdown and sort of gave up hahaha

So, hold on - you're insecure that he went 24hrs or less without texting you??????

@EarthSight where did you get this idea from?

Yeah, there was nothing at all about her being insecure he hadn't contacted.

Yeah it would be a bit weird to be texting him several times a day to tell him what you're eating

I agree with others, it's difficult to build a relationship with someone you haven't met through messages. It's easy to misinterpret the written word, all tone and nuance of conversation is lost really and it's also far easier to be fake when hiding behind a screen. There can also be a delay in getting a reply which stops the flow of conversation. I've seen posters on here in a state of angst because a date hasn't replied to a text immediately!

I suppose he might not be keen on messaging full stop which might be difficult if you expect daily messages once you've been on a few dates?

Anyway, let us know how it goes Op.

I don't find the not texting much odd, and I would have found it odd had he checked in sooner than the day before. WIth my friends once we make a plan we don't check in until the day before.

HOWEVER, my soulmate and I happened to message and email loads before we got together. We just clicked and we continued messaging loads, now almost 20 years later, we seem to be unable to stop talking. Otherwise I'm quite quiet!

Enjoy your date, see what he's like. At this stage your both just trying to wade through each other's expectations and "shop fronts".

@SmileyClare

Yeah it would be a bit weird to be texting him several times a day to tell him what you're eating

I agree with others, it's difficult to build a relationship with someone you haven't met through messages. It's easy to misinterpret the written word, all tone and nuance of conversation is lost really and it's also far easier to be fake when hiding behind a screen. There can also be a delay in getting a reply which stops the flow of conversation. I've seen posters on here in a state of angst because a date hasn't replied to a text immediately!

I suppose he might not be keen on messaging full stop which might be difficult if you expect daily messages once you've been on a few dates?

Anyway, let us know how it goes Op.

Texting about what you are eating is fucking weird at any stage, in my honest opinion. And yet, my boyfriend and I, and indeed my mom and I, and even one of my closest female friends and I, do it ALL THE FUCKING TIME! It’s a tiny bit interesting occasionally. Vaguely. In the moment. On a slow news day. More with my mom and my friend as they do (occasionally) eat interesting stuff. My boyfriend is a picky eater tho, and eats about 5 different things on rotation, so frankly it gets pretty fucking repetitive!

“Did you have dinner?”

“I had fish and chips, babe”

“What type of fish did you go for? (If there was a choice)”

“Cod”

“Was it nice, love?”

“Yeah, and not too expensive. What are you having?”

And so it limps on..... and I LOVE it!

Welcome to my tragic life.....OP, I wish you all the best in reaching these dizzying and intoxicating heights of intimacy with your new fella at some point.... xxx

Haven’t read other replies but I’m wondering if he doesn’t want to text to much as then there may not be enough to talk about on the date? Nothing worse than awkward silence so it could be a good thing!!!

I met my DP OLD and he has dyslexia so really isn’t a fan of texting. Mind you, he’s quite. Introverted so isn’t much of a fan of calls either so most texts or calls are about things that are ‘need to know’ - dates, times etc. Face to face though he’s magic. Calls and texts don’t matter too much to me though. I’ve got plenty of other things to be getting on with!

How did it go @cremeegg56?

Aww it went so well! I had the loveliest time, chat was flowing and he wants to do it again soon 😭

Sounds like my now DH.
Actions speak louder than words (or texts).
Happy days OP!