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Original poster

Excited for first date but is this typical?

105 replies

cremeegg56 · 20/04/2021 18:39

Hi! I have a first date tomorrow, going for food and drinks with a guy I met on hinge which is really exciting. We spoke quite a lot a few months and did a few video calls early on, but communication tailed off because we were in lockdown.
He reached out recently and we both agreed we wanted to wait until lockdown was over to speak and we both weren’t looking for a penpal!

He suggested meeting and instantly put forward a date and time which was great. We planned it, he ended the convo then we didn’t text for 8 days. I was wondering if the date would still go ahead but he texted first today asking if I was still free tomorrow :)

We finalised plans then he said “see you tomorrow” and ended the convo. All fine of course, and excited for tomorrow, but I’m supposed I’m used to chatting to people who text a lot in between meeting? Is this a typical communication style? I’m okay with it, as I do prefer chatting in person but yeah it’s just not what I’m used to I suppose!

Does anyone have any similar experience and it’s worked out for the best? :)

OP posts:
BrilliantBetty · 21/04/2021 22:51

Great update OP!

Was going to say my partner is not much of a texter. But very chatty etc in real life. His mates often mention that he doesn't participate much in the 'group chat'. He just isn't fussed about being on his phone.

Original poster
cremeegg56 · 21/04/2021 22:55

Yeah it went really well and we did have a cheeky kiss at the end 😂. He said he wants to do it again soon but we didn’t make plans. Now to see if he texts hahaha

OP posts:
coronaway · 21/04/2021 23:53

For me it's the opposite - texting a lot before you've met is a red flag.

Glad your date went well OP

CharlotteRose90 · 22/04/2021 00:13

I’m online dating and I get bored if guys don’t text a lot to me it shows no interest. I don’t mind texts or calls during the day. Plus it’s how you find out their not interested after the date as the texts will just dry up. Glad your date went well Op hopefully he texts soon.

SmileyClare · 22/04/2021 08:24

Glad it went well Op. You come across as a very upbeat, chatty person on here so hopefully your date was as well in person!

Perhaps you'll have to get used to his "texting style" (not much chat via messages). Hopefully I don't see another thread of yours in a few days.. Went on a lovely date last week, but argh, should I contact him or wait ? Confused

Original poster
cremeegg56 · 22/04/2021 08:41

Aw thanks @SmileyClare that’s sweet hahaha. He texted asking if I got home and again said he’s very up for doing something again soon.

Hahaha definitely not! Just going to take it exactly how it comes and if it works out then great :)

OP posts:
coronaway · 22/04/2021 09:06

@CharlotteRose90 but how interested can someone be until they know what you're actually like ie you have both met one another in person? In my experience the serial texters were the serial shaggers.

CharlotteRose90 · 22/04/2021 09:36

[quote coronaway]@CharlotteRose90 but how interested can someone be until they know what you're actually like ie you have both met one another in person? In my experience the serial texters were the serial shaggers.[/quote]
I dunno but every guy I’ve dated has been a good texter and never had a problem luckily . I get bored if someone doesn’t message me.

MrsMaizel · 22/04/2021 11:50

@cremeegg56

Yeah it went really well and we did have a cheeky kiss at the end 😂. He said he wants to do it again soon but we didn’t make plans. Now to see if he texts hahaha
Why are you waiting for him to text ?
Original poster
cremeegg56 · 29/04/2021 22:00

Hey guys!

So we’re kind of in contact but he consistently takes over 24 hours to reply - last message he has currently taken almost 3 days to reply 😂 I’m cool with it, and the stuff he’s saying suggests he is interested - he is up for another date and said he will look into booking somewhere for a day next week. He also said he loves my new hair lol.

But yeah, the reaaaallllyyy slow replies... it’s cool now but do you think it’s something i should maybe consider for the future? As it doesn’t really align with my communication style?

OP posts:
Finals1234 · 29/04/2021 22:06

I don't think you should over think the difference in communication styles, just go with it and enjoy Smile

HelloItsMia · 29/04/2021 22:11

After the first date i’d expect him to initiate texting maybe every other day at most. Not responding to you for 3 days it’a little bit rude. Maybe he’s very busy or who knows...

Sparklfairy · 29/04/2021 22:17

3 days is a bit much! I'm glad you got on and he seems keen in person though.

I've been on two dates with a guy recently and hes not much of a texter either, but when we're together the conversation really flows so it doesnt bother me. I've been single for a while and the last guy was either constantly at my place or constantly texting me. It was suffocating. Through covid I've learned to enjoy my own company and I'm happy to just have some fun company once a week or so.

As you get to know each other more you'll find out if the communication styles thing is going to be an issue. It's really hard to tell at this stage, but I'd be annoyed at three days, I think the longest was just over 24hrs for me!

MeadowHay · 29/04/2021 22:19

I don't think it's rude at all, presumably he's busy and has his own life with things to do. You guys have been on one date, no offence but that's not going to put you at the top of his list of priorities already - and nor should it! He may also be worried about coming across too keen as well.

Kittykat93 · 29/04/2021 22:27

Hmm I understand people are busy but if he honestly cannot find the time to send a 30 second text to you in three days I would assume hes not that interested. Hopefully I'm wrong but with my experience if a man is interested he wouldnt not reply for that long

SmileyClare · 30/04/2021 09:21

I don't know what to make of his sporadic contact. It sounds as though you have a bit of a connection and get along. It would be easy to read too much into his lack of messaging so I'd advise going with it for now and seeing if things evolve?

There's quite a gap between your dates as well. Maybe he wants to take things slowly or has a busy lifestyle?

You could suggest the third date and come up with some ideas for that so he's not doing all the running. He could be one of those ridiculously laid back people that aren't particularly proactive.

My other thought is to ask if he's older than you? I'm almost 50 and not into texting like the younger generation are.

Coronawireless · 30/04/2021 09:39

@Kittykat93

Hmm I understand people are busy but if he honestly cannot find the time to send a 30 second text to you in three days I would assume hes not that interested. Hopefully I'm wrong but with my experience if a man is interested he wouldnt not reply for that long
Yes I agree. Give him a chance and see after another meeting if things seem to be moving forward or stagnating. But if he seems flaky - bin! Who needs that in your life, you’d always be on edge.
Original poster
cremeegg56 · 30/04/2021 10:20

Yeah it’s a strange one! He does seem to have a busy lifestyle to be fair, and said his next few weekends are busy catching up with friends after lockdown (completely understandable and I am similar!). But he did suggest a weeknight which was nice rather than just saying he was busy. And he has been fairly clear that he wants to meet again, and is complimentary when we speak.

But I’ve just hit the 72 hour mark 😂 I’m not too fussed about it as it’s early days, and I’m keeping it chilled, but I wonder if it would always be like this? Which obviously wouldn’t be ideal 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think I’ll see if he keeps to his word about next week! X

OP posts:
SmileyClare · 30/04/2021 10:34

Yeah I think once you get to know each better and are more involved in each other's lives, there'll surely be more reason to message. E.g., how did your important meeting go? Did you have a good time at your sisters bbq?..etc.

If he's not showing much interest in you away from your dates then maybe you want different things out of this. I think it's fine to say I'd love it if you sent me a couple of texts between dates.

As I said though, it's early days. I'm probably overthinking this more than you are Grin

Original poster
cremeegg56 · 04/05/2021 08:46

So on Friday morning he replied (after about 3 days) and we sorted when I’m we are etc. He took all the initiative in planning our next date and then eventually sent me a screenshot of the booking confirmation for a restaurant which was nice! He then said “see you there” which is his way of closing the conversation (even though there’s 10 days until the date at this point).

I remember when we used to text in like paragraphs that we both made a comment that we didn’t want to be penpals and wanted to meet in person, and since then it’s been a sort of jokey nickname for each other (penpal). I thought maybe from this, he thought I didn’t ever want to text?

So I replied to the other parts of the chat, wished him a fun bank holiday weekend and then said a comment along the lines of “just wanted to say, I know I said I don’t want a penpal but please don’t feel I don’t want you to text a little in the week etc! If it’s not that and you’re busy then take no notice of this 😂, but just wanted to make sure in case you got the wrong idea 😊”

Again, it’s now been 4 days since I sent that and no reply. Have I messed up do you think? I didn’t know how to say it without sounding crazy, because I am okay with him being busy/not much of a texted but just wanted to check it wasn’t me!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 04/05/2021 08:52

Are you absolutely sure that this man isn't married or living with someone? He really doesn't want messages, does he?

WeKnowFrogsGoShaLaLaLaLa · 04/05/2021 08:56

I think despite the date going well you are rather mismatched in how you communicate and this will cause you even more issues further down the line. It shouldn't be stressing you out after one date. 😂

I would prob, tbh, sack this one off.

sampamsnan · 04/05/2021 09:00

I like his approach. No point with endless communication then meeting and finding out you dont get on

SmileyClare · 04/05/2021 09:10

I hate to say it but I think he wants to keep you in the compartment of fun dates every other week. He doesn't seem to be showing much interest in your life outside of those dates.

It's still early days but things should gradually change so that you're both interested and care enough to want to speak between dates? It doesn't really matter what his "texting style" is , it's basic manners to at least write a short reply to your polite questions Confused

Dating is such a minefield isn't it? I mean were told to relax and go with the flow, don't over analyse but on the other hand be alert for red flags and don't stand for any shit treatment Sad

Perhaps try to explain how you feel when you see him. There's nothing wrong in what you said in your last text. I'm not a relationship expert though, at all, these are just some thoughts I'm throwing around Grin

LaBellina · 04/05/2021 09:15

Let it go OP.
Maybe you see this guy and think “meh” the moment you meet him in real life.

Maybe he’s great.

You just don’t know yet so I would try not to waste my energy overthinking all of it.

Also there could be a number of very plausible reasons why he didn’t text a lot.

He was busy.
He didn’t want to come across as needy.
He has had some bad experiences and doesn’t want to get involved too much before he has actually met someone and knows if she is worth the time /emotional investment.

Etc., etc.

Take it easy and enjoy your date.
Fingers crossed that it’s going well for you.

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