Page 2 | Waited so long for a proposal it's put me off marriage

sunflower1201 · 2021-04-19T15:44:55+00:00

Been together nearly 7 years, dragged his feet all the way and I was even told I had 'put him off' by trying to talk about it so much. Even I've gone off the idea now, can't face the rejection any more. Has anyone else been in this situation and what did you do?

MissyB1 · 19/04/2021 17:10

Cut your losses and get out. This relationship is going nowhere. Be single for a while and enjoy it, you’ve got plenty of time to meet someone who wants the same things out of life as you.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 19/04/2021 17:11

[quote PineappleSnoz]@sunflower1201 I am in the same boat, 7 years down the line still no ring. I dearly love him but it hurts my feelings when I know he has proposed to ex's in the past who treated him like crap.
I am now pregnant and not as bothered about a ring/kind given up on it and focussing on this new chapter of our lives. I got to the point where I needed to either leave him or accept that we probably won't ever get married, so I went with the second option.[/quote]
He won't because he's getting everything he wants already without the ring. I hope for your sake you never give up an iota of your financial independence to enable this man to carry on doing exactly what he does now once children come along. That is absolute folly. So is giving the baby his surname.

Homehaircuts · 19/04/2021 17:11

No I would no waste time with him anymore

Original poster

sunflower1201 · 19/04/2021 17:11

We have actually been living with his parents for many years which is another point of frustration for me. I know I'm being a passenger in my own life but a lot of our relationship is wonderful and he really is my best friend

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WrapUpWarm2021 · 19/04/2021 17:12

Find someone who wants what you want.

Accentor · 19/04/2021 17:13

a lot of our relationship is wonderful and he really is my best friend

Yeah, he's your best friend as long as you shut up about what you want, what you need. I bet he's fabulous as long as he's getting his own way.

If you want marriage and a family, you need a different bloke. This one won't give you that. Sorry.

Notagain20 · 19/04/2021 17:14

@sunflower1201

We have actually been living with his parents for many years which is another point of frustration for me. I know I'm being a passenger in my own life but a lot of our relationship is wonderful and he really is my best friend

It's really hard to face but a best friend wouldn't treat you like this. My best friends listen to me when I talk to them about what's really important to me, they do what they can to help me and make me happy. If they can't they explain why not but they don't make me feel rejected

Magnificentmug12 · 19/04/2021 17:14

Cut your losses whilst your young.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 19/04/2021 17:14

@sunflower1201

We have actually been living with his parents for many years which is another point of frustration for me. I know I'm being a passenger in my own life but a lot of our relationship is wonderful and he really is my best friend

Look, NO ONE is worth this, no matter how much they make you laugh or are wonderful because you are incompatible. You'll see once you take back agency in your life just how much you've given away. He's not your 'best friend', he's a boyfriend with whom you're incompatible.

Please stop wasting your time. You only get one life. Find another place to live, even a shared house/room and spend some time on your own working out what you really want.

Kat6901 · 19/04/2021 17:15

Is he worried about anything else then? Money health? Would you be happy with a small low key wedding, have you suggested anything like that and what was his reaction? My boyfriend was also like a best friend, he still shagged his coworker and left me.

CruCru · 19/04/2021 17:15

I think it is time to move on, with or without him. Move out of his parents' house and rent your own place or join a house share. Take a secondment in other city, change your job role. Make plans with friends that don't include him.

You are still young. It sounds as though you could do with some time to focus on what you want, rather than what he wants.

Original poster

sunflower1201 · 19/04/2021 17:16

I don't know if I'm a lot of the problem, I feel embarrassed a lot of the time that we are still bf and gf when a lot of my friends are married by now and have been with their partners for less time. He said I'm more worried about what other people are doing or what you should do by the time you're 30 etc and maybe I am. I just knew so quickly that I wanted to marry him and I feel sad that he still seems unsure

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RandomMess · 19/04/2021 17:17

I think you should move out and life your life. It sounds like he just doesn't want to grow up.

Perhaps you have outgrown him.

Kat6901 · 19/04/2021 17:18

Oh op please take the driving seat! Don’t do what I did and ignore your gut. You will be so much happier I promise.

Original poster

sunflower1201 · 19/04/2021 17:18

@Kat6901

Is he worried about anything else then? Money health? Would you be happy with a small low key wedding, have you suggested anything like that and what was his reaction? My boyfriend was also like a best friend, he still shagged his coworker and left me.

I have said I'd happily go and do something just us two, I couldn't care less about a big wedding. He said he wants to save for a ring but I wouldn't care where it was from or how much it costs

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Fere · 19/04/2021 17:18

our relationship is wonderful and he really is my best friend
has he suggested civil partnership, friends should be able to support each other and help each other...

MorgeMooney · 19/04/2021 17:19

@BluebellsGreenbells

They say if he hasn’t proposed in 3 years he’s not going to.

Are you on the same page for the future?

Mine proposed after 8 years!

AintPageantMaterial · 19/04/2021 17:19

This is no way to live. You don’t feel enthusiastic about marrying him anymore. This has nothing to do with a proposal anymore. You need to listen to the little voice in your head that knows this has run it’s course. You have put a lot of time and emotional energy into this relationship but you cannot get that time back. Don’t waste more time just because your lives are so entangled. You are plenty young enough to look for the life you deserve.

BluebellsGreenbells · 19/04/2021 17:20

You aren’t listening OP - he’s telling you he doesn’t want to get married -

Some of us have been there - it won’t change

Atalantea · 19/04/2021 17:21

@sunflower1201

I don't know if I'm a lot of the problem, I feel embarrassed a lot of the time that we are still bf and gf when a lot of my friends are married by now and have been with their partners for less time. He said I'm more worried about what other people are doing or what you should do by the time you're 30 etc and maybe I am. I just knew so quickly that I wanted to marry him and I feel sad that he still seems unsure

Why are you embarrassed to be bf and gf? No one actually cares if you are married or not, except you.

Do you want to be married? Yes? tell him that you want to be married and either he is in or not. If he is not in, then thats your cue to leave and find someone else

If you want him more than marriage, thats ok too, just make sure you dont gibve up work, or your own earning power

RogersVideo · 19/04/2021 17:21

It is clear he doesn't want to marry you. I know you think he's great, but the problem is he isn't convinced that you are. You can find a better match, time to move on.

Kat6901 · 19/04/2021 17:22

Do you think he is worried about the expense? Is he positive about other things in the future with you or a bit lacklustre?

Zenithbear · 19/04/2021 17:24

Your title suggests that his silly game has worked.
Honestly find a mature confident man instead.

Original poster

sunflower1201 · 19/04/2021 17:26

@Kat6901

Do you think he is worried about the expense? Is he positive about other things in the future with you or a bit lacklustre?

I've told him I don't want a big wedding so it can't be that. All through our relationship we have talked a lot about the future but nothing ever comes of it, like he says he can't wait to have kids with me but not for a while. This is ok with me as I'm focused on other things and am not ready for that commitment yet. But yes, I'd agree with lackluster. It's always been me pushing for changes

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Bluetrews25 · 19/04/2021 17:27

You got together when you were relatively young.

He's just not that into you. If he was, you would not have been waiting so long, and you would have your own home with him by now.

Wanting him does not mean that he wants you, or that he is right for you.
And it sounds like you don't want him any more, anyway.
Move out? Set yourself free?