37 and want a husband/family

[Loveadvicepls]

A good friend of mine met a guy last year and is moving in with him already. Her ex was a total commitment phobeand dumped her as soon as she started to get serious about moving to be with him.

Another friend has just announced she's pregnant and I'm so happy for her. And another friend is getting married this summer.

Yet here I am, 1.5 years in, and the future is not spoken about with my boyfriend. The fact that we don't talk about it, makes me think there's no point in bringing it up- he alludes to one day, as in the future being able to afford an expensive home, and he's thinking of purchasing a big car for possible kids one day, but I suspect he's not a realist and a commitment phobe himself.

I'm scared of starting dating again, it just gets harder and harder, and I've been here so many times before.

But I should also draw inspiration from my friend who has found love, and when it works, it just works and can happen quickly.

Not sure what I want from this post.

Any advice?

The Rules? Christ, that bullshit was a flash in the pan 25 years ago. Even then it was outdated sexist claptrap written by an accountant!

@ThatOtherPoster

Sexist bullshit. Like this and many other threads here.

You’re forgetting that nature didn’t give women contraception. We’re not designed to want to shag any Tom or Harry with a dick. We’re naturally selective, biologically.

How is that “sexist”? I’d say modern dating is far more sexist. Men get free sex, women get messed around.

@ThatOtherPoster Exactly. We live in an extremely sexist society right now where women are predominantly viewed as sex objects whose purpose is to fulfil the sexual desires and fantasies of men.

Look at the advertising us men, women and children are bombarded with night and day. Look at pornography which has inexplicably become socially acceptable to many. Look at the numbers of women strung along on dating apps then dumped when the men have had their sexual fill, and then move onto the next women's profile he can use.

I'm aghast at the so called "feminists " who are silent on all this.

Women need to protect themselves and make choices that put these sexist user men out of their lives as they are damaging and utterly unworthy of us.

Throwing around the word “sexist” isn’t as powerful and persuasive an argument as you think it is. But thanks for trying. 💐

My post was to IbrahimaRedTwo, obviously.

Throwing around the word “sexist” isn’t as powerful and persuasive an argument as you think it is. But thanks for trying

Your comments are clearly and unequivocally sexist. I think you know that. They are also offensive.

~I’d say modern dating is far more sexist. Men get free sex, women get messed around

More bullshit. Men don't get "free sex", women choose to have sex with them. Your notion that women have no agency and need protection from the scary men is appalling. If women are messed around, its because they choose to be.

Some women just want sex as well, by the way. That doesn't seem to occur to you.

What have these debates got to do with the op? I’m sure the ops partner isn’t staying with her just for sex. The issue is he doesn’t want to have kids it seems

From another perspective, I think it's quite easy to be unsure about having kids. It's just "the done thing".
You get a job, get a relationship, get married then have kids. If there's a default path to a life, that is it.
If you're someone experiencing the background radiation of that message and you have no real compulsion to have kids, I'd imagine you'd be much more likely to say "I'm not sure if I want kids" than refuse them outright.
It's confusing to have no desire to do something that most people seem to want to do.
Personally, I still half expect it to click in my mind one day and suddenly understand why people want kids and to want them myself.
Realistically though, if you're someone who wants kids, an "I'm not sure" should be interpreted as a clear-cut "no".

What have these debates got to do with the op? I’m sure the ops partner isn’t staying with her just for sex. The issue is he doesn’t want to have kids it seems.

Quite! Plus the OP disengaged frim the discussion long ago!

Men want sex not relationships is sexist bullshit. Men want relationships too.

I strongly disagree with this. Sometimes men want sex and sometimes they want a relationship. Just like women who sometimes just want sex and other times they want a relationship.
When you are an adult and you meet another adult you fancy and get on with you want both sex and a relationship that is why both men and women choose to marry.

I think the ball is definitely in the women’s court, these days....

The quantity and quality of modern sex toys for women are brilliant and are relatively low cost.

Have you seen the price of a Real Doll !?

You can get a male AND female versions, by the way, and you can request a Brad Pitt lookalike, if it floats you boat

🤔

@ThatOtherPoster

Years ago I was on a forum for women who’d read The Rules book. We’d all been brought there after suffering with some bloke or other who’d messed us around. Following TR is a nightmare, so a forum was created where everyone supported each other.

It was a huge forum, with women from all over the world. It was brilliant - wise, funny, helpful, hilarious. It had every situation you can imagine on it.

We all thought that TR were too strict, game-playing, difficult, cruel, strange. At the start. Then when we started doing it, or watching other women do it, we noticed the dramatic change in how men treated us. The crap flaky guys fell away. The good, kind guys stepped up. They just did. They planned dates, made time, messaged, sent flowers, initiated Future Talk, fixed things, kept promises, and proposed. They had to create a success stories thread because so many proposals happened. I’m in touch with loads of women from that time and they’re still married.

This was the 90s-noughties. Here in the UK it was the time of the Ladette. We were being told to be feisty and drink loads and shag loads and everything.

I know The Rules are wildly unpopular on MN, but they just work. The book weeds out flaky guys so so fast, and replaces them with genuinely nice blokes.

My brother is a genuinely nice bloke. He’s 50 and single. Well, he has a GF, but he’s not married. I’ve watched his dating life (we’re really close) and he hasn’t committed because none of his GFs have ever let him step up and be The Man. Nobody has brought out the best in him. He’s been allowed to be passive.

I did TR in the 90s and net my first husband, and again in 2010 and met my second. (My first husband wasn’t great. The women on the forum told me he wasn’t great but I was infatuated and didn’t listen.) The Rules work.

I’d suggest everyone just reads all TR books snd follows them. You’ll hate it - you’ll throw the books across the room several times - but just do it. You’ll be married in a year.

It tells you everything - how to spot men who really like you longterm rather than just for now; how to appear as the Dream Girl rather than the Nice Girl; how to weed out the idiots, everything.

The difference in how men treat you when you’re doing TR and when you’re not (as I’ve obviously dated both ways) is NIGHT AND DAY.

If you’re someone who finds men are lovely to you in the first month then start getting crap after that, TR will fix it.

I too am a fan of The Rules. They make sense and and ironically for a book that many claim to be sexist crap, stops you being walked over or putting up with poor relationships.

I did the rules to and gave it to my best mate who was always getting hurt and dumped. We are both happily married now. It weeds out time wasters and helps you create boundaries and focus life outside of some kind of pursuit of a guy. I didn’t see it as games but a manual to relearn what self worth looks like.

Too

I strongly disagree with this. Sometimes men want sex and sometimes they want a relationship. Just like women who sometimes just want sex and other times they want a relationship

You strongly disagree with my comment and then describe how much you agree with it? Ok

@IbrahimaRedTwo this wasn't aimed at you. My comment wasn't in response to something you said but another poster on here.

Then why did you quote me?

@IbrahimaRedTwo oh gosh ok calm down I probably accidentally and definitely mistakenly replied to something you said. Lesson learnt. I'll give you a wide birth