Oh @Heartbeats0708 tell us more about your date with Mr Polo? What next?
Well Mr G messaged me yesterday evening and ended up taking me to the pub (or a freezing beer garden full of drunks where it was impossible to talk so he came back to mine for a mint tea 😂)
He does try so hard with me, and never ever gets angry (which is weird for me with my history of volatile men), so I explained very calmly and slowly and clearly what had upset me. And I just got the same reassurances "no, you had every right to be angry/yes, I understand/you're right/I will resolve it, just not right now/I am listening and I hear what you are saying" etc. So we parted on good terms but it was only afterward that I thought talking to him is the emotional equivalent of eating a pot noodle when really I need a protein-filled home-cooked meal. It is wonderfully comforting and reassuring but essentially empty calories and I'm hungry again half an hour later. We are exactly where we were months ago!
I know this plays into the debate on here about telling exes and kids too, and that we are all different. But I have always disliked it when dates I like a lot treat me like a secret side hustle. I don't want to meet their families or merge lives but it makes me feel like they are ashamed of me and shows quite clearly they don't want a relationship that will ever progress anywhere (unless I don't mind being shoved in a cupboard if their brother unexpectedly pops round for example).
From my POV on the other side, my ex had a new girlfriend within a few months and kept it secret from me and the kids. BUT he was parading her all around where I live and even where the kids' friends worked AND my horrible SIL was going around telling everyone who would listen that he was SO much happier now he had got rid of me and also gloating that I didn't know about new GF. He never even considered our kids (late teens) would find out and look like idiots in front of their friends and I think he and his sister secretly hoped I would find out from someone else and look a fool. My DN tipped me off and I confronted him - with the deceit, not the girlfriend - and gave him a week to tell the kids before I did. She lives with him now and over 2 years on I have never been allowed to meet her even though he has done all he can to ingratiate her with the kids, but that is his doing and I bear her no resentment (pity, yes, but that's her look-out!). But I just felt it was ridiculous and another example of his weird attitude towards me.
On the other hand, I had kept my dating life quiet because a) it was quite random up until now and b) he is the sort of person who calls me a slut and I am worried it will make the divorce settlement even more difficult.
Anyway am wondering now what to do with Mr G. I had looked back on the dating apps and there are a lot of eligible men on OKC. I had 7 messages within hours, 3 of whom look great (handsome, gym fit, professional) - so there is a window of opportunity there, daters. Clearly the ease of lockdown has flushed them all out.
I do really love being with Mr G but actually I am in the same position with him that I was in months ago. It just seemed different as the dramas were dormant with the ex and his kids were there at weekends. Nothing has actually changed, so maybe I have to. I guess he thinks I love him enough to keep being placated and so far I have, but equally I'm thinking an ultimatum is in order - or a return to dating others.
Any advice gratefully accepted as ever, no matter how unpalatable
I hope you are all getting some good dates lined up this weekend while we can go out! (apologies to those in Scotland and Wales and NI).
And @SortingItOut - just accept the wedding invitation and worry about it later! I mean, even if the invitation had said "plus 1" instead of his name, who else would you have taken? (personally I hate weddings so would be looking to book a holiday to avoid one! But that's just me!)
@BelladiMamma - good luck with MrItalian. And @SpringlikeBunk, yes I'm not enjoying the 'feels zone'. Ever. Saw a post on Insta that said "next time I start to fall in love can someone please staple my fanny together because none of us need this bloody drama again" 😂😂😂It has a point!