Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...

[SpringlikeBunk]

Come ye all!

Well no-one now will be able to come to mine at all as I have my youngest 24/7 (apart from a couple of hours on a Sunday when her dad takes her out for a walk/ to the park etc) .
And I certainly won’t be living with another man - separate houses for me from now on.

Checking in

@SpringlikeBunk

Yeh, its good I think to push for "dates out" earlier for that reason? I guess having dated on and off for the last few years with some quite big gaps I sometimes wonder if I should host more, as that seems the social norm?

But the way I see it I haven't got a massive sex drive or drive for physical intimacy (would be quite happy to neck outside restaurants for six months) and don't want to move in or blend lives.

so if the guy wants that it's up to him to take on the mental load of providing a venue?

There was actually quite a good thread on cocklodgers on this board a while ago - just examples of guys being DESPERATE to invite themselves over and "get their feet under the table", from "I'll cook dinner for you" to "bringing a cheap bottle of wine over". And not taking no for an answer....

And these weren't established romances or dating situations, just on the first couple of dates!

How grim! I did a quick search and couldn't find it but I can imagine the examples ...

@GaraMedouar

Well no-one now will be able to come to mine at all as I have my youngest 24/7 (apart from a couple of hours on a Sunday when her dad takes her out for a walk/ to the park etc) . And I certainly won’t be living with another man - separate houses for me from now on.

As my Mum used to say - 'children - the best contraceptive there is'

I politely point out I’ve got a lodger and it’s not a big flat one bathroom (and wfh and furlough) so we give each other notice if we have people round.

So if I was dating someone they might come round for lunch after we’ve been on a few dates, give everyone privacy?

and I get “oh why can’t you just sneak me in NOW!”

It’s not even about the sex - it’s the lack of respect for someone else’s home/practical living situation?

I’d be financially a lot worse off if my lodger left and having someone reliable and stable is very helpful -

I’ve been unwell recovering from a serious accident for the last year so just having someone around to help me open jars and get food has been helpful!

But then I get some guy who has sent me three flirtatious texts demanding I prioritise the needs of his penis and ego

I should ask if we can go fuck on his parents sofa when they’re asleep upstairs if he wants me that much.

@SpringlikeBunk

I politely point out I’ve got a lodger and it’s not a big flat one bathroom (and wfh and furlough) so we give each other notice if we have people round.

So if I was dating someone they might come round for lunch after we’ve been on a few dates, give everyone privacy?

and I get “oh why can’t you just sneak me in NOW!”

It’s not even about the sex - it’s the lack of respect for someone else’s home/practical living situation?

I’d be financially a lot worse off if my lodger left and having someone reliable and stable is very helpful -

I’ve been unwell recovering from a serious accident for the last year so just having someone around to help me open jars and get food has been helpful!

But then I get some guy who has sent me three flirtatious texts demanding I prioritise the needs of his penis and ego

I should ask if we can go fuck on his parents sofa when they’re asleep upstairs if he wants me that much.

Oh god is this recent?? What is wrong with people. It's so rude. My ex h invited himself round to my house for dinner because as he said 'I knew you had people coming over and you were cooking for them anyway'.

Really sorry to hear about your accident but pleased that your lodger has been helpful. Sounds like a good person 💗

Evening.

What a day #shattered. ExH being useless again.

In other news I have a chat that seems good. Date on Thursday evening. I might name him Mr Easy

Checking in. Thanks for starting the thread @SpringlikeBunk

I've had an invite to my brother's wedding and instead of having a plus one, they've written Mr K's name on as well and its made me feel odd.

I know Mr K has met my family loads of times and he gets on really well with my brother but it seems a whole new level of commitment to take him to a wedding as my guest....

We've been together nearly 19 months but its feel too soon to have him as my guest at a wedding.

I know I'm wildly overthinking and I'll be fine soon and then panic again closer to the wedding🤦‍♀️🤣

@cravingthelook

Evening.

What a day #shattered. ExH being useless again.

In other news I have a chat that seems good. Date on Thursday evening. I might name him Mr Easy

Oooh you might even get to a pub?! Xx

Just checking in. Thanks for the new thread springlikebunk

Interesting chat re Cocklodgers. I think I'm pretty immune as whilst solvent and have a nice home I have limited childfree time so no chance for anyone to be around much. Been single 4 years now and the kids don't know I date let alone ever had anyone introduced. No intention of ever living with a man again so tend to go for irons with their own place and lives in order.

I did have an iron the other night who started questioning my finances etc - I told him i only discuss that with my accountant and not randoms from the Internet and said we weren't suited and wished him best and unmatched.

Seem to be catching a lot of catfish lately too. The last told me he liked tattoos but hadn't got any yet completely forgetting the tinder pics he'd gone with clearly showed he had some 🤦‍♀️ when I pointed it out he swiftly unmatched and blocked 😆

Chatting with a new match currently who is my type looks wise but is shorter than me - no idea whether I'd fancy in flesh though but would agree to meet if he asked

Is it weird for someone to be reading about the pain that comes from a stranger's medical condition?

Checking in.

Think I'm immune to cocklodgers, I'm way too scary!

No chats at all now. Might try Tinder this week, it'd be nice to meet someone for a drink now we can at pubs outdoor.

@VanGoghsDog

Checking in.

Think I'm immune to cocklodgers, I'm way too scary!

No chats at all now. Might try Tinder this week, it'd be nice to meet someone for a drink now we can at pubs outdoor.

Can you lend me some of that scariness? For all my badass alpha female stuff at work I'm a total pushover at home and with personal relationships

Placemarking

Nothing new here . Love learning about how to avoid cocklodgers

Checking in, good name on the thread there, thanks.

What do you mean @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards? Reading in what way?

I think I'll just ignore the photos thing. Seems a good egg and realistically, you can't tell whether pheremones will be the bees knees or fabreze no matter what the photos look like.

Can you lend me some of that scariness?

I scare people away though! Men and women. I don't know how to stop it.

I've been low the last few days, probably hormonal, but it occured to me I have literally no-one to talk to when I'm feeling down. Though to be honest, even if I did, I'm not sure I know how to.

@VanGoghsDog

Can you lend me some of that scariness?

I scare people away though! Men and women. I don't know how to stop it.

I've been low the last few days, probably hormonal, but it occured to me I have literally no-one to talk to when I'm feeling down. Though to be honest, even if I did, I'm not sure I know how to.

I'm sorry to hear that. And I'm the opposite but I let too many people in. It's exhausting. I'm being much better with who I let in ... or at least I have been since coming on this thread. It's the most effective therapy I've ever had. So thanks for being a part of that :)

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I don't think necessarily weird. Might just be part of the reading about it - depends what we google throws up. Or maybe they've had experience with someone with chronic pain before?
@DudeFromThatLondon thinking that you are at the mercy of your pheromones is a nice thought for those of us who aren't lookers!

@DudeFromThatLondon

Checking in, good name on the thread there, thanks.

What do you mean @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards? Reading in what way?

I think I'll just ignore the photos thing. Seems a good egg and realistically, you can't tell whether pheremones will be the bees knees or fabreze no matter what the photos look like.

Sorry if I wasn't clear in my last post. I've had a bad day and I'm feeling a bit tired.

I mean if a potential iron finds out you've got a medical condition and starts reading about it and taking to you about the pain from that medical condition.

Would you find that a bit weird?

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

Is it weird for someone to be reading about the pain that comes from a stranger's medical condition?

Hmmm. Is it a boundaries testing thing, checking for vulnerabilities or is it a genuine caring interest? Do you a sense of that yet?

@DudeFromThatLondon

Yes you can’t know until you meet I guess? And if she comes across as balanced with good social skills then the meet will be fine either way.

Voice, dress sense, social skills, posture, and general “vibe” all
contribute.

I can photograph very badly or very well (don’t wear make up or use filters it’s just my face!).

but I normally get good feedback from first meets and feel I’m as attractive or more than my profile!

Not sure how you usually set up your meets, but maybe try for a meet where you can make a quick getaway if needed (or extend if needed as well - though I guess this is good practice for all meets really)

[quote DatingDisastrously]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I don't think necessarily weird. Might just be part of the reading about it - depends what we google throws up. Or maybe they've had experience with someone with chronic pain before?
@DudeFromThatLondon thinking that you are at the mercy of your pheromones is a nice thought for those of us who aren't lookers![/quote]
Just to put it in context, they're reading about Cerebral Palsy, which I suffer from.

I've never met this person before.

I just find it weird that they would google it without having met me, I suppose.

Might they be a bit over keen, do you think?

@BelladiMamma I don't know. It just feels a bit weird.

I mean, some of you on this thread know I have CP, but it would feel a bit weird for you to google it, wouldn't it?

I did tell them about it, but wish I hadn't now because they keep taking about my pain.

I feel glad I don't have these kind of conversations with Mr. Bookworm!

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@BelladiMamma I don't know. It just feels a bit weird.

I mean, some of you on this thread know I have CP, but it would feel a bit weird for you to google it, wouldn't it?

I did tell them about it, but wish I hadn't now because they keep taking about my pain.

I feel glad I don't have these kind of conversations with Mr. Bookworm! [/quote]
Ok. Mention once in passing as in 'gosh that must be challenging especially when xyz. Happy to talk about it if you like?' I actually
hate it if someone goes on about my chronic asthma / abusive ex / or my late sibling's disability. I find it exhausting so I shut the conversation down. I only go back there if I really trust someone ... unfortunately recently people have trampled over some of those boundaries and I've got myself in a mess

Sorry. Not sure if that's helpful

@BelladiMamma yes, that's exactly how I feel.

It's my fault really, because after reading some of the feedback on the last thread, I decided to bite the billet and state it on my profile.

They asked about it, but then said 'I've been reading about the pain caused by CP. it must be awful.'

I'm silently thinking. 'Why would you want to do that? You're a stranger. Why are you doing that?'

I kind of understand googling it now, but reading about the pain seems a bit odd and try Hardish to me.