@WeWantTheFinestWines I think those "can't see likes so message me" profiles are copied and pasted from OKCupid, as they don't make sense on most of the other apps. So another reason to avoid, as they can't be bothered to update their profile to match the app.
@HairyArsedMan Other than the occasional job interview or walk, I have nothing but time at the moment... I don't have an issue with multiple chats, but I also tend to be quite ruthless now with filtering people out quickly. My 10 Tinder matches have been whittled down to 3, and most of my Hinge chats have fizzled out so there are just a couple at the moment that I'm still speaking to.
I sometimes pay to boost my profile, which usually gets me a load of likes, then I spend time chatting and filtering them down to a small number I'd be interested in meeting. I suppose it's like the OLD version of panning for gold.
As you know, I like to meet quickly so I try to avoid building up any fantasy of what people are like. I used to spend ages getting to know someone, and in all but one case was disappointed to find the reality didn't match the fantasy, so my preference now is to meet fairly soon.
It can be quite an effort to think of original things to say, but everyone is different and I enjoy getting to know people. I think it has also helped improve my conversation skills - I used to struggle to think what to talk about on dates, but don't find that anymore.
As for the paying thing - I think it depends on the app, and what you actually pay for. I've found it's useful to pay to see likes on Tinder, as if someone nice likes me, I can swipe on them straight away rather than waiting for the app to present them to me when it wants. I find boosting my profile at certain times can be effective too - that's most effective on Tinder, but has been successful on Hinge too, and to a far lesser extent Bumble.
Also some people think if you pay you're desperate, others think you're showing that you're committed and serious about it so it can be a good or bad thing depending on the view of the other person. I just think do what works for you, and don't try and second guess what your potential match will think of you.
Ultimately, the apps exist to make them money, not find our perfect matches. I've definitely been caught up in this, and have wasted a lot of money over the last 18+ months. Paying hasn't really worked for me in terms of finding my perfect match, but I'm 100% certain I've had more matches and dates because of it. I don't think not paying would have been more successful - I'd most likely be in the same situation, just with more money left in my bank account.
Also the comments from these experts saying that if you're a quality person you will find your ideal match without paying aren't helpful - that implies that all of us struggling are low-quality people, and that just isn't true. The apps make it harder to match if you don't pay, and most of the time it's just down to sheer luck anyway.