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Original poster

Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...

994 replies

SpringlikeBunk · 11/04/2021 17:05

Come ye all!

OP posts:
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17
BelladiMamma · 24/04/2021 19:20

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@Dancerinthemoonlight

I've learned what I think of as "spark" or "chemistry" or "butterflies" is often danger signals or anxiety Blush - basically the same emotions and chemicals in our brains are released.[/quote]
So true ☝🏻

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 24/04/2021 19:20

@SpringlikeBunk I do think it will be better meeting face to face though- we both enjoy our WhatsApp VC's but I think we both find them a bit awkward as well. Plus I think they're things we can't say as well because of people listening. ❤️

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 24/04/2021 19:29

... but what I do like about my video chats with Mr Bookworm is that we can chat easily to one another. Even when we're just catching up with each other. There's no awkward silences at all, though we do have moments where we've been taking and talking and we have a little freeze and can't think of what else to say. But like I said, you can only say so much in a video call. It's not like you can go into personal stuff, I think that sort of thing is better face to face.

We just treat the video calls as a way to catch up with each other, really Smile

But yeah, it's going really well, so far 👍🏻 xx

BelladiMamma · 24/04/2021 19:39

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

... but what I do like about my video chats with Mr Bookworm is that we can chat easily to one another. Even when we're just catching up with each other. There's no awkward silences at all, though we do have moments where we've been taking and talking and we have a little freeze and can't think of what else to say. But like I said, you can only say so much in a video call. It's not like you can go into personal stuff, I think that sort of thing is better face to face.

We just treat the video calls as a way to catch up with each other, really Smile

But yeah, it's going really well, so far 👍🏻 xx

So great to hear 🥰
Shayelle2009 · 24/04/2021 19:42

Aww glad to hear a bit of positive news on the dating from @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards and @Dancerinthemoonlight 💘🍀

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 24/04/2021 19:42

@BelladiMamma 🥰

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 24/04/2021 19:43

@Shayelle2009

Aww glad to hear a bit of positive news on the dating from *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards and @Dancerinthemoonlight* 💘🍀
@Shayelle2009 🙂
newnamenora · 24/04/2021 20:16

Date update with MrPosh -
I felt it went very well. We had a long walk along the canal and stopped for a couple of coffees on the way. He was better looking in the flesh than his pictures let on, we chatted constantly and have lots in common. I would love to see him again, I felt more of a connection with him than I have with anyone else, but I didn't get the impression that he fancied me

  • no attempt at a kiss at the end, just an elbow bump! I'm going to send him a "thanks for the date, would love to do it again soon" text and see what he says.
OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 24/04/2021 20:27

@newnamenora

Date update with MrPosh - I felt it went very well. We had a long walk along the canal and stopped for a couple of coffees on the way. He was better looking in the flesh than his pictures let on, we chatted constantly and have lots in common. I would love to see him again, I felt more of a connection with him than I have with anyone else, but I didn't get the impression that he fancied me - no attempt at a kiss at the end, just an elbow bump! I'm going to send him a "thanks for the date, would love to do it again soon" text and see what he says.
Good luck, @newnamenora ❤️
Original poster
SpringlikeBunk · 24/04/2021 20:47

@newnamenora

That sounds a good plan and exactly what I’d do - you might even just end mates but if you really get on and are dating others that could be quite enjoyable

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Original poster
SpringlikeBunk · 24/04/2021 20:59

(I don't really like the term "friendzone" but if we're investing time and emotional energy into meeting new people we have stuff in common with it seems a shame to throw it all away if there isn't that mutual romantic spark).

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Dancerinthemoonlight · 24/04/2021 21:16

Been messaging with Mr Paddleboard throughout the day on and off. He has asked me if I have any other dates planned. I have been honest and said not at the moment. If I am offered any others then I will as it's literally been 1 date. Might have some others lined up soon but nothing has been confirmed.

Slightly odd that he has just sent me his bumble line up of who he is talking with. He is on bumble and match but prefers bumble as women have to do the work not men. I'm not buying that he doesn't like online dating.
Apparently he isn't talking to the matches he showed me 🙄 I just responded with that it's been one date and still forming opinions about each other so it's none of my business if he is or not.

Going to keep a keen eye as he might be a boundary pusher. He is apparently 'quite keen' after 1 date

Onesmallstep67 · 24/04/2021 21:42

@Dancerinthemoonlight, that seems like such an odd thing for him to do. You've handled it really well. Does his explanation sit well with you in light of the time you spent with him today ? I think most of us understand in the early days that there are going to be several chats going on but surely if you are keen on someone you try to make them feel a priority.

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 24/04/2021 21:56

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Been messaging with Mr Paddleboard throughout the day on and off. He has asked me if I have any other dates planned. I have been honest and said not at the moment. If I am offered any others then I will as it's literally been 1 date. Might have some others lined up soon but nothing has been confirmed.

Slightly odd that he has just sent me his bumble line up of who he is talking with. He is on bumble and match but prefers bumble as women have to do the work not men. I'm not buying that he doesn't like online dating.
Apparently he isn't talking to the matches he showed me 🙄 I just responded with that it's been one date and still forming opinions about each other so it's none of my business if he is or not.

Going to keep a keen eye as he might be a boundary pusher. He is apparently 'quite keen' after 1 date

That's really weird 😟
BelladiMamma · 24/04/2021 21:57

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Been messaging with Mr Paddleboard throughout the day on and off. He has asked me if I have any other dates planned. I have been honest and said not at the moment. If I am offered any others then I will as it's literally been 1 date. Might have some others lined up soon but nothing has been confirmed.

Slightly odd that he has just sent me his bumble line up of who he is talking with. He is on bumble and match but prefers bumble as women have to do the work not men. I'm not buying that he doesn't like online dating.
Apparently he isn't talking to the matches he showed me 🙄 I just responded with that it's been one date and still forming opinions about each other so it's none of my business if he is or not.

Going to keep a keen eye as he might be a boundary pusher. He is apparently 'quite keen' after 1 date

That's a bit rude and not a cool thing. I'd hate it if someone did that and I was on that list of potentials. Yes OLD is transactional and yes it's commoditising but let's not make it worse. Sorry he did that Hmm
Original poster
SpringlikeBunk · 24/04/2021 22:01

@Dancerinthemoonlight

I agree it seems amber flag - bit too intense at this stage? Maybe just socially inept.

Could you shut down the discussion with a radical honesty?

It’s a bit ick getting into the “how many dates have you got planned” discussion

“I enjoyed our walk and am looking forward to getting to know you better. I’m definitely dating with an aim for a serious exclusive relationship with someone I’ve got to know and feel a connection with ” statement

I guess maybe (taking the best possible interpretation of it )he might want to know that you aren’t just collecting several men before he invests?

But then again you’ve gone for a walk and cake it’s not like he’s whisked you off for a weekend in Paris and you’ve met his mum?

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Original poster
SpringlikeBunk · 24/04/2021 22:05

I did actually go on a few dates with someone in my 20’s who I’d say was serious about me and about settling down with someone

who showed me a message from another woman on his phone (showing she was chasing strongly for a second date but he hadn’t replied to it) which I thought was really socially tacky and inept?

But I think he wasn’t a terrible guy (settled down with someone else and devoted) it was just his awkward/cringe way of trying to win me over.

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 24/04/2021 22:38

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Been messaging with Mr Paddleboard throughout the day on and off. He has asked me if I have any other dates planned. I have been honest and said not at the moment. If I am offered any others then I will as it's literally been 1 date. Might have some others lined up soon but nothing has been confirmed.

Slightly odd that he has just sent me his bumble line up of who he is talking with. He is on bumble and match but prefers bumble as women have to do the work not men. I'm not buying that he doesn't like online dating.
Apparently he isn't talking to the matches he showed me 🙄 I just responded with that it's been one date and still forming opinions about each other so it's none of my business if he is or not.

Going to keep a keen eye as he might be a boundary pusher. He is apparently 'quite keen' after 1 date

Who knows who he has sent your chat to!
Dancerinthemoonlight · 24/04/2021 22:46

I shut it down by saying that I can never be sure on someone from 1 date unless it's 100% no and we have been on one date, still forming opinions about each other. None of my business if you aren't or aren't going on other dates.
A friend said I was as blunt as a murderers hammer with the response but it's the truth.
He has said 'i wasn't being too intense, sorry if it came across that way' well yes it did and yes and you were.
This is the same iron who already brought up I was in one place and then another.

Not writing him off completely but being very awear of the amber flags beginning to show.

If I am asked on more dates then I will. Not putting all eggs in one basket and I'm just getting out there and dating again with my new attitude to dates and not dating the same man with different faces.

Dancerinthemoonlight · 24/04/2021 22:49

I also forgot to say he is 37 nearly 38 so not a naive 20 something who doesn't know any better. A full 10 years older than me.

@VanGoghsDog I hadn't thought about that but it's quite likely as he sent me that screen shot

Original poster
SpringlikeBunk · 24/04/2021 23:55

@Dancerinthemoonlight

37 so 10 years older than you with a child too? Seems you’ve got good instinctive reaction here.

I was often drawn to older men in my 20’s as they seemed quite stable and old-fashioned, “keener on me” and more willing to do the chasing and do proper date stuff than guys my age.

but often they were internally quite possessive and controlling and saw me as a “hot trophy girl they could patronise and control”

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TheCatWithTheHat · 25/04/2021 01:06

@Dancerinthemoonlight that does sound a little controlling - I'm guessing he's playing the "I've got all these options and only talking to you, so I expect you to only talk to me" card.

My view is that although it's usual for almost everyone to be talking to multiple people, it's poor form to discuss other irons with people you're talking to.

Dancerinthemoonlight · 25/04/2021 07:30

Morning everyone. Thank you for all your opinions. He is the eldest I have gone on a date with so I might lower my age limit to 25-35 I think 25 is the lowest because I will be 28 in a week.

I know sometimes I can over react to an iron because of ex's and that's what this thread is so amazing for. I'm trying not to write people off too soon but then I also need to listen to my instinct and not get in situations I feel uncomfortable in.
It is feeling a little possessive and controlling which isn't a good sign so early on

GaraMedouar · 25/04/2021 07:37

@Dancerinthemoonlight - follow your gut - it is telling you this for a reason- I wish I had done so a bit more when I was younger ! Flowers

Lovemusic33 · 25/04/2021 07:59

Ok, so last weeks (kind of) date has been messaging me non stop despite him saying he didn’t want anything serious because of his life situation at the moment. I kind of thought we could just be friends or possibly friend with benefits. He’s lovely but he is still married and is about to be kicked out of his house share and may need to move back in with his ex so for this reason I wouldn’t want a relationship with him. Last night he started getting a bit soppy with the texts and when I said I had an appointment in his town he asked if he could meet up (I said I couldn’t). I will probably meet up with him during the week, I’m going to have to remind him that he said he didn’t want a relationship aren’t I? I think he wants all the fun of a relationship without saying ‘it’s a relationship’ and probably whilst sleeping with his ex wife, I wouldn’t be surprised if they end up back together if he moves back into her house.

I think I need to get more irons but they all seem to have so much baggage, still married, ex still in the picture, young kids, no job etc...etc...

I know I don’t want anything too serious but I also want someone who has got their life together.