Page 37 | Dating Thread 202: Here's hoping the lockdown loneliness and longing eases up soon...

Letthefunandgamesstart · 24/04/2021 10:09

[quote SortingItOut]@Letthefunandgamesstart I'd just ignore him now and block if he persists.

You are better than this, you don't need to keep talking to a liar.[/quote]
I think he's got the message lol

Original poster

SpringlikeBunk · 24/04/2021 12:36

@VanGoghsDog

I’m not even sure it’s personality and/or dynamism, a pp on this thread mentioned this style of hot/cold contact is often people playing social games/controlling games ?

So they do just enough to “reel you in” so you get excited and think there’s a chance you’ll meet and chase and do the legwork.

then back off or not turn up or reply late.

OP posts:

VanGoghsDog · 24/04/2021 13:25

[quote PyjamasOClock]@VanGoghsDog you've asked for more dynamism and he's completely failed to deliver - I'd say no thanks and mean it this time, else in 6 weeks or 6 months you'll still be trying to pull him along with you.[/quote]
Oh totally! If they can't get their act together at this stage it's really not going to get any better.

I do wonder why people are even on dating apps. Maybe they just think being on the app is a hobby?

Dancerinthemoonlight · 24/04/2021 13:30

Date update. We went on a 7 mile walk (he walks really slowly) and had a cup of tea and cake at the end. Chatted as we walked. He is shorter than he says. Sees his 7 year old son every other weekend.

I'd have another date with him.

BelladiMamma · 24/04/2021 13:56

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@VanGoghsDog

I’m not even sure it’s personality and/or dynamism, a pp on this thread mentioned this style of hot/cold contact is often people playing social games/controlling games ?

So they do just enough to “reel you in” so you get excited and think there’s a chance you’ll meet and chase and do the legwork.

then back off or not turn up or reply late.[/quote]
I've also just read an article on Bumble specifically where the writer says that she got fewer dates on Bumble because she thought the it encouraged the guys to be more passive?

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 24/04/2021 14:48

@Dancerinthemoonlight

Date update. We went on a 7 mile walk (he walks really slowly) and had a cup of tea and cake at the end. Chatted as we walked. He is shorter than he says. Sees his 7 year old son every other weekend.

I'd have another date with him.

Glad it went well, @Dancer ❤️

GaraMedouar · 24/04/2021 15:03

Yes @Dancerinthemoonlight - sounds positive

VanGoghsDog · 24/04/2021 15:14

Yes, my walking group friend reckons Bumble is full of wet men who want women to take the lead in everything.

I've certainly found Tinder more fast paced. Get way more matches but probably because more people use it.

This guy is on Badoo, Bumble and Tinder. I have no idea how he will ever date anyone.

I also think men who are very passive like that can tend to get bullied by some women. Maybe they like that but I really want an equal - neither someone who controls me nor someone who constantly defers to me.

BelladiMamma · 24/04/2021 15:30

@VanGoghsDog

Yes, my walking group friend reckons Bumble is full of wet men who want women to take the lead in everything.

I've certainly found Tinder more fast paced. Get way more matches but probably because more people use it.

This guy is on Badoo, Bumble and Tinder. I have no idea how he will ever date anyone.

I also think men who are very passive like that can tend to get bullied by some women. Maybe they like that but I really want an equal - neither someone who controls me nor someone who constantly defers to me.

I got two dates from Bumble recently, Mr Italian and Mr PoshLocal. Mr Italian was definitely more assertive than MrPoshLocal and all the others were just never ending pen pals so I got bored of that.

I met MrBear on Hinge though this time around Hinge had very poor pickings. First time I was on it I got 2 dates and 2 short lived flings from MrSoldier & Mr Ginger, neither of whom were upfront about the fact they were only looking for casual - that transpired a little later. Still pissed off with MrGinger but MrSoldier was dead boring so no loss. MrCypriot still bobs around but I've told him I don't fancy him so he's playing the long game I think!

MrBear & I have date 4&5 this weekend. Crossing fingers it doesn't implode

BelladiMamma · 24/04/2021 15:32

@VanGoghsDog

Yes, my walking group friend reckons Bumble is full of wet men who want women to take the lead in everything.

I've certainly found Tinder more fast paced. Get way more matches but probably because more people use it.

This guy is on Badoo, Bumble and Tinder. I have no idea how he will ever date anyone.

I also think men who are very passive like that can tend to get bullied by some women. Maybe they like that but I really want an equal - neither someone who controls me nor someone who constantly defers to me.

With Tinder maybe it's more of a full spectrum app eg from casual to relationships? I've never been on it so have to go by what you & other posters say.

BelladiMamma · 24/04/2021 15:32

@VanGoghsDog

Yes, my walking group friend reckons Bumble is full of wet men who want women to take the lead in everything.

I've certainly found Tinder more fast paced. Get way more matches but probably because more people use it.

This guy is on Badoo, Bumble and Tinder. I have no idea how he will ever date anyone.

I also think men who are very passive like that can tend to get bullied by some women. Maybe they like that but I really want an equal - neither someone who controls me nor someone who constantly defers to me.

Sorry I'm such an inefficient replier 😂

A match, a true match with neither one left behind or passive ... bliss. May we all find it

Original poster

SpringlikeBunk · 24/04/2021 15:36

@BelladiMamma

I think Tinder is definitely worth a go - can be a nightmare but also there’s a LOT of people using it with a lot of turnover which might appeal?

the weird hookup guys are everywhere so even though tinders got a reputation as a hookup app you just have to filter them out same as everywhere.

Even just try it to see what matches you get you don’t need to follow them up.

OP posts:

havecourage8bekind · 24/04/2021 15:42

Advice needed. Me & Mr Impressions are still getting on really well. It's been two weeks of messaging, with one meet in the middle of that (we have the same child free weekends). We've spoken via call a fair amount too and I can feel myself starting to like this one. My question is, do I ask him for a second date? We've joked and said about him coming to see me asap, but not put a date on it. I want to wait for him to actually ask me, but at the same time I want to get my next child free weekend planned (I'll see friends etc). Do I just send a casual text saying "Did you fancy date number two next weekend?x" x

Original poster

SpringlikeBunk · 24/04/2021 15:55

@havecourage8bekind

I think that sounds fine - nervewracking but it’s good to check if irons are actually up for meeting and how they are with organising/even saying no politely?

OP posts:

Dancerinthemoonlight · 24/04/2021 16:25

A second date has been mentioned. Either going paddle boarding or to a local restaurant as they have outside heaters.

havecourage8bekind · 24/04/2021 16:32

@springlikebunk I've gone for it!

@dancinginthemoonlight restaurant with heaters sounds lovely!!

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 24/04/2021 17:24

Hi all,

Great to see some dates being arranged. 👍🏻

Just rang off from my video chat with Mr. Bookworm. We're still getting on well. Swapped lots of stories about things that had happened to us on work, as we were both in similar jobs.

He's going to call me on Tuesday (my birthday) to say happy birthday, which is really sweet of him.

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 24/04/2021 18:05

@Dancerinthemoonlight

A second date has been mentioned. Either going paddle boarding or to a local restaurant as they have outside heaters.

That sounds wonderful ❤️

bangheadhere40 · 24/04/2021 18:22

I'm losing the will to live! One match was chatting okay until he told me he's fallen in love with me about 20 messages in - yeah right mate 🙁

Another who asks nothing and can't have a conversation...

I guess I should keep persevering but it's so tedious.

Original poster

SpringlikeBunk · 24/04/2021 18:40

Sent MrC and MrSaw an inane photo message yesterday and got nowt back but I'm learning maybe ok guys sometimes take longer to reply?

Got quite chatty messages today back.

Which is fine, as I actually prefer a day or so to reply myself rather than feel I have to "be on-call glued to phone all the time" unless it's like "confirming/arranging" a meet kind of contact.

OP posts:

Original poster

SpringlikeBunk · 24/04/2021 18:42

Good for second date @Dancerinthemoonlight - it sounds quite "calm" for first date and it's good to know you can connect as people without alcohol and physical stuff?

Glad you seem to be getting to know your iron @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - have you had a chance to meet FTF or is that still to be organised? x

OP posts:

OnwardsEverStridingOnwards · 24/04/2021 18:51

@SpringlikeBunk

Good for second date *@Dancerinthemoonlight* - it sounds quite "calm" for first date and it's good to know you can connect as people without alcohol and physical stuff?

Glad you seem to be getting to know your iron @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - have you had a chance to meet FTF or is that still to be organised? x

Thanks @Spring. I'm really glad too.

No, nothing planned as yet

Dancerinthemoonlight · 24/04/2021 19:02

@SpringlikeBunk it was just a nice relaxed walk. Had a one armed hug at the start and end. I think I would have written him off 6 months ago for no spark but trying to not write anyone off for a lack of spark.
I don't drink much so I can't even blame alcohol for bad dating decisions in the past 2 years

Original poster

SpringlikeBunk · 24/04/2021 19:12

@Dancerinthemoonlight

I've learned what I think of as "spark" or "chemistry" or "butterflies" is often danger signals or anxiety - basically the same emotions and chemicals in our brains are released.

OP posts:

BelladiMamma · 24/04/2021 19:20

[quote Dancerinthemoonlight]@SpringlikeBunk it was just a nice relaxed walk. Had a one armed hug at the start and end. I think I would have written him off 6 months ago for no spark but trying to not write anyone off for a lack of spark.
I don't drink much so I can't even blame alcohol for bad dating decisions in the past 2 years[/quote]
I like these walking dates for that very reason. You can take your time to figure out if you get on with someone. So much more relaxed. Plus I can also check if the iron is as fit as me 😃