Unexpected joys of being single

[Misty9]

What are yours? I'm newly single again after a short relationship following the end of my marriage. I think I intend to stay this way now, for a good while at least, and I'm thinking of all the good things about being single.

• I can starfish in bed whenever I want
• I can get up at the weekend and only have myself to please (when the dc aren't here) plus no one asking "what shall we do today?"

I can't actually think of any more... So what are yours?

I think I need this thread too. I'm mid forties, just out of a relationship of 6 years that I thought was heading to marriage. Feel lonely at times but was single for a long time previously and enjoyed it so trying to get back to that. Feel quite low often but things I do like are the complete and total privacy (I have a job where I am very observed all the time)
I like the better sleep and the food choice but I do feel lonely. Think I need to do a list or plan for the future

Thing us, we're still in a pandemic and life is still a bit full on, so it's no wonder we're all feeling a bit up and down, no matter what our individual situation.

@crochetmonkey74 the end of a relationship is hard but it does get easier. I get lonely, and anxious, quite often. But I've learnt that, for me, accepting that really helps as does knowing that it will pass. But it's pretty unpleasant in the moment.

[quote Misty9]@crochetmonkey74 the end of a relationship is hard but it does get easier. I get lonely, and anxious, quite often. But I've learnt that, for me, accepting that really helps as does knowing that it will pass. But it's pretty unpleasant in the moment.[/quote]
Yes I'm trying to be in it and just weather the feeling, as you cant really distract yourself as we are in pandemic.
I want to feel that joy of living alone again, at the moment I understand it in theory but dont feel it. Been single 3 and a half months now so I guess it is still fairly early days..

For those newly single I would give it a year to readjust.

Manzanilla55 This is what people are telling me also. I'm 9 weeks post-breakup after a 5 year relationship, and although I started to feel better for a couple of weeks, I'm still feeling very low and crying. I thought maybe I should be feeling better at this stage, but it helps to know I'm not the only one. I was single before for a long time and I enjoyed the freedom of it and I'm looking forward to this again.

Yes, at first, it's a habit; expecting there to be a reaction to all your thoughts verbalised or otherwise, but after a year, it is different. The solitude doesnt seem like you're on stage looking at an empty stadium! Ykwim.

@Teatimes2

Manzanilla55 This is what people are telling me also. I'm 9 weeks post-breakup after a 5 year relationship, and although I started to feel better for a couple of weeks, I'm still feeling very low and crying. I thought maybe I should be feeling better at this stage, but it helps to know I'm not the only one. I was single before for a long time and I enjoyed the freedom of it and I'm looking forward to this again.

You could be me! I am better than I was but still low at times and just desperate to be better . The thought of it taking a year fills me with dread, I dont want to feel like this for a whole another year! I too am looking forward to that feeling of enjoying it but I also know I do want another relationship. I've loved being in a couple

Joining this lovely thread - hello everyone. I have loved reading everyone’s joys.

I’m also nearly 9 weeks post break up after 27 years together and after having a lot of initial support, it’s fading now and l have just had my first totally alone weekend with another one coming up.

I would like to ask posters what are their favourite things to do at the weekend if they are alone? Any good online clubs/forums apart from Mumsnet obvs. Solo activities that are nurturing rather than feel exposing. I need to makes some plans:-)

Hi Whatdirection
Nice to meet you but sorry it had to be here!
I find weekends particularly hard- I am about 14 weeks in now and they are getting better. I always try to meet a friend on Saturday morning/ lunchtime and this is getting easier now places are open for eating outside etc It sounds really self indulgent and I don't have children so that helps but I also find going back to bed really restorative- but I plan for it rather than it being that I can't be bothered to get up- so I meet a friend, knowing that I am coming home to watch a film in bed in the afternoon (with snacks)
I enjoy baths as well - and I buy cheap magazines that I read cover to cover before getting out. I have also found it useful to have a vision board (it's actually just my fridge) and I have collected quotes-/ happy pics from magazines or travel pics etc that inspire me. All this sounds really airy fairy and at times I have been a bit 'white knuckle' and only just coping but these are the things that stand out to me as being helpful- and I have also watched tv series remotely with my sister and chatted on zoom with her while we watch, that has been fun

Thanks for some lovely suggestions:-)
I like your idea of a mood board on the fridge!

I have a couple of friends locally but due to their own commitments they couldn’t commit to a regular Sat morning slot. Weirdly l have felt worse since lockdown eased as l have no-one right now to meet for a coffee, a drink or a lunch.

I do regularly Zoom with my sons and friends further afield and last weekend had one on Friday and Saturday night with a drink in hand. That helped. I think l need to join some clubs - l was looking into a walking group as it will get me out, tire me out and bring me into contact with others.

Weirdly l have felt worse since lockdown eased as l have no-one right now to meet for a coffee, a drink or a lunch

I know exactly what you mean! I was really worried about this going forward too

I feel as though I am still in lock down as I have no one to go for a drink with. I was with my ex most days/evenings. Most of my friends are married, have families, busy lives and do not go out to the pub etc. Everyone at work were buzzing when the pubs re opened and I felt like the odd one out staying in with a glass of wine. Does not help that I live opposite a pub and can see my ex with his new partner having a glass of wine

@TC68, that sounds so difficult, adding insult to injury almost! So sorry, really feeling for you.

Maybe some of us living closer together can enjoy that outing to the pub together.

@PosterPerson
That is a nice idea - feel I have put a downer now on all of those positive being single messages !

Weekends are the ideal time once chores are done to work on developing yr hobbies and interests. The same for evenings really. Eg radio 4 London LBC radio Netflix whatsapping friends and so on TV drama series on catch up walks sunshine reading. Music. Bliss.

I'm married currently but we've had times where we've had to live apart due to work and I actually really enjoy living on my own with my son. Like others have said being able to make decisions about everything and eating whatever I want, even bingeing when I want to and not being judged for it!

Good thing is I know if I'm single again at some point I'm completely self sufficient and would definitely be making my house a LOT more girly and minimalist. My husband is a complete hoarder and I can't stand it!

Great to see this thread is still going. I know quite a few women who are stay with their partner or husband out of convenience and not love. There's one particular person I know who talks behind their H's back incredibly disrespectfully.

Sorry for all the recently single people it's a really tough thing to go through. The first year I measured progress in how many days it had been since I last cried. It's about monthly now I think, almost exactly two years on.

I totally get what someone said about feeling worse now that lockdown has ended (for some of us) and that feeling that everyone else is having a great time can be very isolating. I'd say don't wait for invites, reach out to those friends. They're desperate for an evening away from their other halves in my experience!

As for weekends, I joined meetup.com when I was first single - before lockdown thankfully! But it's slowly opening up again. I'm planning a solo long walk for one of my free weekends. And I'm someone who would always have preferred doing things with others in the past.

It does get easier, just tolerate the present and it will pass. And make sure you eat properly. I really let that slide at first. And now I'm single again it's slipping - I've just eaten a barely edible dinner of stir fry...!

Yes, definitely, build your family. My friends have, at times, kept me alive. As have I for them.

Had a lovely evening tonight with friends, a BBQ with a fire pit, music, wine and Cards Against Humanity. DC enjoyed the Xbox and the burgers.

also had a couple of young 'friends'messaging hopefully but they'll have to wait until June 😁