Unexpected joys of being single

[Misty9]

What are yours? I'm newly single again after a short relationship following the end of my marriage. I think I intend to stay this way now, for a good while at least, and I'm thinking of all the good things about being single.

• I can starfish in bed whenever I want
• I can get up at the weekend and only have myself to please (when the dc aren't here) plus no one asking "what shall we do today?"

I can't actually think of any more... So what are yours?

@Dontfuckingsaycheese I hope it made you think in a positive way...! You sound like you rock and your life sounds really full of purpose and value. This part of what you wrote really stood out for me:
For the first time it is dawning on me that this is actually my first choice and I'm not in some holding pattern

And that's what the book I mentioned (not the same one as the title of this thread!) concluded - that, actually, being single can be a preferred choice rather than consolation prize.

Good luck with all your future plans

@Misty9 definitely positive so thank you for helping me realise how content I actually am .

@ImFree2doasiwant, my exdh was just like this. Everything he contributed was made out to be such a massive deal - hanging pictures, power washing, arranging for something to be fixed etc. It took me a long time to realise that I was far more capable than he would have me believe. If there's something I need to get done that googling is inadequate for, there's always someone available for hire (and no bitching about how much that would cost from tightwad exdh).

@CookPassBabtridge

I've been in a great relationship for 13 years, lived together the whole time and if one of us wants a bowl of cereal or a pot noodle for tea then we can! The other one makes what they want or joins in. We have one TV but an ipad, computer etc so the other can watch on them. We go to bed when we individually want to. But we're not distant in any way, spend lots of time together. I would want to be single if I felt so restricted by another person.

I think that you're missing the point of the thread.

@Nonmaquillee 😂😂

Oh wow where to start...
Going out and choosing who I speak to
Staying out aslong as I want
A bed to myslef
Make up free
Not having to dye my grey hair
Not shaving if I don't want to
Lazing around the house in comfy clothes
Picking what I want to eat
Watching anything I like
Not speaking if I don't want to
Switching my phone off
Not having to answer to anyone about why I did this or why I did that
Learning things about myslef and I never wanted to be in a relationship after all these years, that what I was looking for I would never find and I'm much happier being alone.
The list is endless.

For me their is no upside to being in a relationship.

Rereading this thread as feeling a bit lonely this evening. But I know it will pass - and all these advantages will still be there!

Imagine someone spoke to you during LOD @misty9 You'd have to kill them and go to jail At least this way you have peace.

Having the opportunity to work on myself after giving many, many years accommodating men (co-dependent AF).
Learning to live by myself without adult company and when my kids are with their dad.
Having a chance to reflect on if I had another relationship what my expectations would be, what I would be walking in to - although I am really not bothered now.
Having my own income, (tiny) home, kids pre-teen, friends and hobby, there's enough to cram in. I'm not actually sure I was ever suited to being in a relationship tbh but I have my wonderful kids as a result of one.
I've always dreamt of being single, then when I was I was terrified; walked away from marriage; has taken me months to get over a recent relationship with a coke addict, I walked away from but now feeling the major benefits.
Pure selfishness really I guess. I don't miss being questioned about my whereabouts, my decisions, judgement. Freedom to finally grow into the woman I was intended to be after years of feeling dominated.

I wouldn't swap this for years of misery and unhappiness being with the wrong partner and feeling too scared to walk away because of the what if's. I've fully embraced my womanpower and I'm so happy now for all of the reasons some PP's have posted.

Don't waste life alone in a relationship when you have the chance for freedom 🌸

I have been single for so long that I actually can't remember what it's like not being single.

Joys of being single:

My time is my own, I go to the theatre, cinema etc whenever I want.
TV is my own and I watch whatever I want
I've been to over 40 countries, I just take off and travel when I can
Peace and quiet, I need it for the kind of work I do, plenty of time to myself and complete silence
I don't even have pets because of the responsibility
I'm currently doing up my house and it's exactly how I want it
I have my bed to myself and get up/go to bed when I want
I only have to clean up after myself

Same here. You know the way when you're a child, you're not one half of a pair. And there's nothing strange about that. You just go about your business as your own self. Park! School, corner shop, parties.

Why does it suddenly because so allegedly awful to be "single". ??

Very good point SelkieIntegrated.

Marriage suits most men very well, as even today women find themselves doing the majority of the housework, child rearing etc; and as pps have said, lose themselves, make themselves small to accommodate the whims of men.

In general, men do well out of being married/partnered - women not so much.

Getting in and shutting the door to silence.
Intact savings that grow nicely.
When I get in, the house is exactly as I left it.
The absence of cold water being poured on everything.
No energy wasted on endless encouragement.
Seeing and acknowledging the results of my own persistent endeavours.

A lot of these resonate and I need this thread today feeling a bit lonely...

Feeling lonely because he’s out drinking every single night
Listening to every last tiny detail in his day with zero reciprocal interest in mine
Being the butt of snidely jokes then being told I’m over sensitive if I’m not laughing
Food, in every way
Listening to him recounting an event but completely embellishing it to sound funnier / better etc
And of course like others , wee on the toilet floor, watch what I like , eat what I like and do what I like

@comingintomyown

A lot of these resonate and I need this thread today feeling a bit lonely...

Feeling lonely because he’s out drinking every single night
Listening to every last tiny detail in his day with zero reciprocal interest in mine
Being the butt of snidely jokes then being told I’m over sensitive if I’m not laughing
Food, in every way
Listening to him recounting an event but completely embellishing it to sound funnier / better etc
And of course like others , wee on the toilet floor, watch what I like , eat what I like and do what I like

Perhaps it's time to embrace single life... everything you've described sounds miserable and lonely. Don't model this to your kids, if you have them.

@Nonmaquillee I am in my 12th year of being single and my DC have left home but thank you for your advice but perhaps you misunderstood my post

I would also add I think having happily single for so long this past year has been less enjoyable hence the loneliness at times

SO many joyous things. My very favourite thing is that when the children aren’t here, I don’t turn the tv on...AT ALL. I listen to music, I read books and nobody just walks in and turns the TV on full blast or starts asking me stupid shit. Bliss.

Not being forced to do things you don’t want to do to save sulking. I never have to go camping ever again

Getting actual time off from parenting which I never did before, I was always just the default parent, now I get days off!

Nobody eats all my chocolate, I don’t have to cook ‘proper’ meals. I can merrily eat toast for dinner if I want.

Approaching a year of this glorious single life and I am still enjoying every single minute.

My list:

Not having to deal with his large number unresolved emotional issues
Don't have to deal with having to do everything his way
Don't have to listen to him grinding his teeth at night
Don't have to listen to bloody Kate Bush
I can watch random TV or radio
I can have toast for dinner if I'm not hungry
Don't have to shave all the time
I don't have to worry about being cheated on....

@OrchestraOfWankery

Very good point SelkieIntegrated.

Marriage suits most men very well, as even today women find themselves doing the majority of the housework, child rearing etc; and as pps have said, lose themselves, make themselves small to accommodate the whims of men.

In general, men do well out of being married/partnered - women not so much.

Oh that really chimes with me, the idea of making yourself small. That feels so close to home... I'm fully me now I'm single.

Here's my list:

• sometimes having nothing for tea, or a bowl of cereal, or a bowl of frozen pineapple (don't knock it!) Just because that's what I fancy, and not having to eat a meal I don't want just because I had to cook him something
• a whole superking bed to myself
• no being made to feel guilty at going out to do things by myself
• having such fun with DS all the time without a fun sponge dragging the mood down
• not losing my bathroom for an hour plus every evening when he got home
• going out first thing at the weekends with DS and not waiting around until lunchtime for him to get out of bed
• no toast crumbs on the counter because I have learned how to use a plate
• not having discovery turbo on 24/7
• no longer having to fake orgasms

@Onlyherefortheconspiracies good point! LoD is like an exercise in mindful TV watching I find!

Feeling a lot calmer today and grateful for my freedom and independence. I went for a walk this evening round my local park, and just felt so whole and complete. If that makes sense it's lovely.

I'm about to have cereal for my dinner too

Decorating your space exactly how you want it is definitely my number one. XHs 'taste' was very bland/old fashioned and heavily influenced by his mother (which is a whole other story).

I now have a red sitting room, a black feature wall covered with pop art in my dining room, bedroom wallpaper with a photographic print of football sized purple roses and voice activated LED strips all over the house!

Oh and cats...2 of the furry wee buggers which I wasn't allowed when I was married.

And I get to pick my own holidays, drink wine when I feel like it without being criticised, watch whatever I want on TV, stay up late òr spend the weekend writing, enjoy camping and walking because I can go at my own pace rather than having to do everything his way all the bloody time.

I'm sure there's more...

@comingintomyown

A lot of these resonate and I need this thread today feeling a bit lonely...

Feeling lonely because he’s out drinking every single night
Listening to every last tiny detail in his day with zero reciprocal interest in mine
Being the butt of snidely jokes then being told I’m over sensitive if I’m not laughing
Food, in every way
Listening to him recounting an event but completely embellishing it to sound funnier / better etc
And of course like others , wee on the toilet floor, watch what I like , eat what I like and do what I like

We had the same husband???

@comingintomyown

A lot of these resonate and I need this thread today feeling a bit lonely...

Feeling lonely because he’s out drinking every single night
Listening to every last tiny detail in his day with zero reciprocal interest in mine
Being the butt of snidely jokes then being told I’m over sensitive if I’m not laughing
Food, in every way
Listening to him recounting an event but completely embellishing it to sound funnier / better etc
And of course like others , wee on the toilet floor, watch what I like , eat what I like and do what I like

This is scarily similar to my ex too. Always the butt of jokes in front of his family.