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Original poster

Unexpected joys of being single

195 replies

Misty9 · 10/04/2021 21:47

What are yours? I'm newly single again after a short relationship following the end of my marriage. I think I intend to stay this way now, for a good while at least, and I'm thinking of all the good things about being single.

  • I can starfish in bed whenever I want
  • I can get up at the weekend and only have myself to please (when the dc aren't here) plus no one asking "what shall we do today?"

I can't actually think of any more... So what are yours?

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 11/04/2021 13:17

I've only been single since December. Although mentally alot longer.

I love not hearing the snoring through the floor. I love not having to hear his loud voice ( I swear he was half deaf) and going downstairs at midnight to tell him to turn the bloody TV down.

I love not having to see someone walking about in clothes that are disintegrating. Yes I know that's shallow and I wear old shit all the time but still, they weren't disintegrating about my person.

I love washing up and not being manhandled as I do it.

I love being abke to stick all the clothes in the washing machine together as no hobbies have made them so dirty and smelly that they have to be washed separately or all the clothes stink.

I love not having to hear someone coughing their guts up every morning.

I love being able to watch TV without listening to bollocks being spoken on team speak.

The only thing I don't like is for the first time In.years I actually want sex and I have no one to have sex with Blush but I couldn't bear my ex rtouvjing me anymore anyway so I guess at least I know I'm.still capable of wanting it even if I can't have it.

I am.finding it hard when he comes to see the kids.. I guess I'm accustomed to him.not being around now and I don't have to try and be nice and I can't he arsed to pretend anymore so it annoys me now.

ladysunshine · 11/04/2021 13:20

I've just started reading a really good memoir by a woman about her fortieth year and how she came to accept being on her own as a positive.

Could you say the name of the book/author please? This sort of memoir sounds really interesting. Thank you!

ceilingsand · 11/04/2021 13:27

When I split with my first husband the thing I remember taking most delight in that first year was redecorating my bedroom to my exact taste. I still remember how pleased I was. I went on to do a lot to that house, the vast majority of which he wouldn't have agreed to.

Yellowsubmariner · 11/04/2021 13:38

I adore DH (2nd marriage) but I know that if I was unexpectedly single again, I would stay single.

TheresGotToBeMoreToLife · 11/04/2021 13:45

I'm financially better off being alone. Financial freedom shouldn't be underestimated. Having noone else spending from your bank account is incredibly liberating

Original poster
Misty9 · 11/04/2021 14:03

@ladysunshine

I've just started reading a really good memoir by a woman about her fortieth year and how she came to accept being on her own as a positive.

Could you say the name of the book/author please? This sort of memoir sounds really interesting. Thank you!

Sure! No one tells you this by glynnis macnicol. I like her style of writing (she's a writer by trade) and it's thought provoking stuff for me, despite having dc (she doesn't)
OP posts:
Meruem · 11/04/2021 14:03

Oh I forgot one very important one! Never having to watch an episode of (or hear annoyingly in the background) Top Gear ever again! Or any other stupid “man” show.

Equally not having to have the TV on ALL the time!

Original poster
Misty9 · 11/04/2021 14:05

Definitely agree with not having to have the TV on all the bloody time. Recent exboyf was terrible for this. I'd much rather have the radio on all the time!

Financial freedom is interesting - I joke that I divorced the cash cow as exh is a higher earner, but I never felt jusitifed in spending lots on myself. Still don't... But at least it's all my money to regret spending!

OP posts:
Hophopandaway · 11/04/2021 14:16

I gave myself a minions bedroom as a home office.

Oh and being able to watch racy TV programs without the 'dp' commenting on if I was enjoying it.

harknesswitch · 11/04/2021 14:33

Stay in bed if you want (dc permitting)
Go out when you want
See who you want
You don't have to run spur of the moment plans past anyone
Stay out without having to tell anyone
Make a pit stop enroute from places without having to tell anyone
Go on holiday on your own (if you've not done this, do it, it's brilliant)
Impromptu night outs without feeling guilty
Buy whatever you want for your home
Make all the revisions and decisions without having to take anyone into consideration
Impulse or expensive buys without worrying about telling anyone
You can be massively selfish too and it doesn't affect anyone

I lived on my own for 10 years, and although I'm married now, I still look back at that time fondly. I'd have no issues if I was single again, it has some huge positives

harknesswitch · 11/04/2021 14:35

Oh another one, spend a whole day reading if I want to. When I found a really good book, I'd stay in my pj's, light the fire and read ALLLLLLL day long Grin

harknesswitch · 11/04/2021 14:36

Not shave my arm pits, fanny or legs Grin

peak2021 · 11/04/2021 16:59

No-one is worried if you are out longer than intended.
Only watch (or not) the tv you choose.
Bathroom always available.
Food of your choice (and not that you are not keen on).

sammylady37 · 11/04/2021 17:14

It’s the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without informing anyone or running it by them to see if it suits or having them comment/judge whatever it is I’m doing.

I don’t have to compromise on anything.

When I come home in the evenings my house is as I left it that morning.

I can commit to anything without having to check with someone else

Don’t have to deal with anyone else’s family

My time is my own, my money is and most importantly my head-space is.

I have fantastic friends, great lovers and some very close family- I do not need a partner, much less a live-in one.

ThisTooShallBeFantastic · 11/04/2021 17:22

Not hearing ranting about politics. No clutter. Freedom to make my own mistakes, not just firefight another person’s mistakes. Silence.

LadyOfTheFlowers · 11/04/2021 17:26

I miss:
Only having myself to please
Having the bed to myself
Going to bed whenever I like without being asked "why?" and then shortly being followed up
Eating whatever I want, whenever
Less washing
Watching what I want on tv
Going out whenever I like without having to consider anyone else

In summary I think just not having to consider anyone else is the absolute best thing ever

joystir59 · 11/04/2021 17:27

There aren't really any for me, I miss my wife. We were only together 9 years. She died of cancer in July. I cannot understand why. We were not young when we found each other, and she was a wonderful woman. We were good together, a good team.

SelkieBeag · 11/04/2021 17:29

I thought you were talking about Catherine Gray's book with this title!
It was a really good book. I enjoyed it. It was not full of platitudes.
I also enjoyed her book about the unexpected joy of the ordinary.

nearlynermal · 11/04/2021 17:42

Sorry @joystir59. To find real love and lose it that way is an entirely different thing. Forgive us our bit of bravado. We're just looking on the bright side. Hope you're doing ok. Thanks

Yetmorecrap · 11/04/2021 17:52

It’s interesting people comment on going to bed when they want etc, one of my real hates of being married (amongst others) is that my H will just at some point switch the TV off and lights and just presume ‘we’ go to bed at same time, which is of his choosing. He says he can’t sleep if I’m still up , as I will disturb him when I come up and makes such a song and dance that over the years (we’ve been married 25) I have ended up just going along with it. I also dont like the feeling of being obliged to consult if wanting to go along with friends plans — I used to hear men joking about getting a ‘pass out’ and sadly I feel somewhat the same, I think it’s down to him not having friends on the doorstep or any hobbies apart from playing his guitar

joystir59 · 11/04/2021 17:54

@nearlynermal
There's nothing to forgive. I've enjoyed being single in the past for many of the reasons mentioned here, and I was happily single when I met my wife. I hope I can come to some kind of peace at being alone again. She'd want me to flourish. She wanted everyone to flourish, she was fab.

Original poster
Misty9 · 11/04/2021 17:54

@SelkieBeag it was inspired by the title of her book Grin of which I downloaded a sample but then saw and bought the one I mentioned earlier. Good to hear it's good though.

@joystir59 sorry for your loss Flowers

OP posts:
joystir59 · 11/04/2021 17:55

Its far better to be single than in an unhappy relationship but I do hope everyone on this thread has or gets to experience a great loving relationship.

Original poster
Misty9 · 11/04/2021 17:57

@joystir59 I am planning to - a loving relationship with myself Flowers the relationship I've been lacking my whole life up until recently and one which only I can make happen.

OP posts:
nearlynermal · 11/04/2021 18:00

@joystir59

Its far better to be single than in an unhappy relationship but I do hope everyone on this thread has or gets to experience a great loving relationship.
Yup. They're small and fluffy and fart if they get too many dehydrated fish treats. Turns out I spent all those years looking for love from the wrong species.