Unexpected joys of being single

[Misty9]

What are yours? I'm newly single again after a short relationship following the end of my marriage. I think I intend to stay this way now, for a good while at least, and I'm thinking of all the good things about being single.

• I can starfish in bed whenever I want
• I can get up at the weekend and only have myself to please (when the dc aren't here) plus no one asking "what shall we do today?"

I can't actually think of any more... So what are yours?

I do think the not having to compromise is the biggest benefit. I read a thread here the other day of a woman wanting to work a 4 day week (her DH does 5 days). Virtually all the replies were telling her that it wasn’t “fair” or that if she did insist on working 4 days, she should do all the chores on day 5 to make it fair. She absolutely couldn’t just have it as a day “off” unless he got one too. Etc etc. It sounded exhausting just having to run every life decision past someone else to seek “approval”. When I decided to go part time I just did it! No discussion needed.

Every minute of my free time is spent exactly as I want. For example I have never liked the cinema. I just don’t find it enjoyable. But every partner I’ve had wants to go and see at least an occasional film, which isn’t unreasonable. So I go along. Not enjoying it. But feeling that saying no would be unfair. Now I don’t have to!

I can do as little or as much housework as I like, with no one messing it up if I do it. Or moaning that I’ve left the dinner dishes till the next day.

I dress only to please myself. Sometimes I wear make up, sometimes not. But I don’t need to make an “effort” unless I want to. (I am one of the many customers behind the surge in loungewear sales!).

I will 100% never live with a partner again. In fact at this point `I’m about 90% certain I don’t want a partner again full stop! Relationships take time, work, emotional energy etc. I prefer to invest all that in just myself!

@Meruem I feel the same . I can't imagine meeting someone else now . I used to be deeply unhappy when I was single but I think I've finally reached a point where I don't need someone else . I've got ds so I suppose that's the difference now . I'm now also finally independent so that worry is removed . I'm really looking to the future

@Meruem I'm just the same. Absolutely can't imagine living with a man again. I can envision having a relationship tbh , currently its logistically impossible and I'm not sure my very low tolerance levels would allow it!

All the freedom! I am in a relationship and had a 2 year break between my last relationship and honestly had the best few years of my life. I went on a lot of holidays with my best friends. Last minute plans with various friends. Arranged random weekend trips which weren’t romantic so we’re more random fun! I wasn’t looking for a relationship either which helped. I obviously did start looking towards the end of those two years but was very chilled about it!

I have a lot of freedom in my current relationship and we live apart. but I still have to think about how his plans fit into my weekend I can’t be as spontaneous when a friend says “I’m going here saturday do you want to come?”
And also having to think about what to have for dinner when it’s my turn to cook for us bothers me lol.

My current favourite is not breathing in second hand smoke all the time.

@Meruem

I do think the not having to compromise is the biggest benefit. I read a thread here the other day of a woman wanting to work a 4 day week (her DH does 5 days). Virtually all the replies were telling her that it wasn’t “fair” or that if she did insist on working 4 days, she should do all the chores on day 5 to make it fair. She absolutely couldn’t just have it as a day “off” unless he got one too. Etc etc. It sounded exhausting just having to run every life decision past someone else to seek “approval”. When I decided to go part time I just did it! No discussion needed.

Every minute of my free time is spent exactly as I want. For example I have never liked the cinema. I just don’t find it enjoyable. But every partner I’ve had wants to go and see at least an occasional film, which isn’t unreasonable. So I go along. Not enjoying it. But feeling that saying no would be unfair. Now I don’t have to!

I can do as little or as much housework as I like, with no one messing it up if I do it. Or moaning that I’ve left the dinner dishes till the next day.

I dress only to please myself. Sometimes I wear make up, sometimes not. But I don’t need to make an “effort” unless I want to. (I am one of the many customers behind the surge in loungewear sales!).

I will 100% never live with a partner again. In fact at this point `I’m about 90% certain I don’t want a partner again full stop! Relationships take time, work, emotional energy etc. I prefer to invest all that in just myself!

I feel the same about not living with a partner. I really can’t see this ever being good for me. I absolutely love living on my own! I love coming home from work and not having to talk to anyone (but myself!) I have my routine that works for me!

I’ve been with my partner over 18 months now and people ask me all the time about moving in and honestly I just never want to! My partner knows this but I do think he hopes my mind will change over time 😬

@Meruem yes!

Adding films to my list too. I don't really enjoy films, I never have. Not a problem, I can watch or not watch whatever I like.

And dressing to please myself. Some days I like to dress up and make an effort, sometimes I don't. Nobody to question why I've put makeup on or put a dress on when there's no occasion. Just because I feel like it and it makes me feel good.

I think having DC helps too, I can shower my children with love and affection. I'd probably want a relationship more if I didn't have that.

I don’t have to have sex.
Biggest reason why i don’t want to date.

I loved being single, everything was on my terms,I went to bed when I wanted, ate when and what I wanted, all decisions were mine.
No worries about whether your partner is spending money you don't have or messaging other women.

Then my son returned from Uni and my daughter came back to live here and I've got 2 other people to consider who also want feeding and clean clothes.

I'm in a relationship now but we won't ever live together, I'm too scarred from my marriage to live with a man again and I like my own space.
We've got a great relationship and I don't see him at weekends except a few hours on a Saturday morning as he has his son every weekend. We see each other a few nights in the week and that is it.
Its a step up from the FWB we were, so maybe a lite relationship. No matter the name I'm happy with it.

I'm counting down the months until my daughter goes to Uni and my son gets a job in his chosen field and moves away so I can be selfish and only worry about me. Obviously I'll miss them and no doubt wish they were back but right now I'm looking forward to it.

Yes, total and utter freedom!

My house is my own, I don't have to take another adult's wishes/needs/desires into account.

I get love, hugs and affection from my children and my lovely friends, pre-Covid, there were some nice young men for sex, I earn my own money and enjoy my own company. A relationship would have to be amazing for me to even consider it!

Being myself

It's all a joy tbh. I can't think of that many downsides. Perhaps no one to help with bigger DIY projects around the house, no one to co-parent, no emotional and physical intimacy in the romantic/passionate sense. Ex was deficit in all those areas, unfortunately.

Not single but I do often fantasise about how much tidier and cleaner my house would be if I were

Speaking from a blokes point of view, I like and keep a clean and tidy home (bungalow), it smells nice and not "blokey". The problem I currently have, is due to a shortage of space, there are things I should keep in a shed that are in the property at the moment as I've not got a safe and secure shed built yet, but it's on the cards.

I only cook when I'm hungry or want to, I can cook strong tasting and aromatic food without snotty comments, I always cook double portions so I can freeze a meal for another day. Instead of making 2-3 different meals for very fussy kids and an even fussier ex I only have me to cater for. My shopping bills have dropped by 80% as I'm not having to buy crap and stuff the kids will only eat and it must be over 4 years since I've bought a takeaway and this has showed massive dividends as I've dropped over 4 stone.

I can do Yoga when I want to and not all day, by picking up crap dropped/left on the floor by the family. I'm no longer either stood at the sink washing up or having the washing machine going several times a day.

I no longer feel ashamed if anyone visits me (when allowed) and see's the state my home is in. I actually dare to invite friends into my home for coffee or drinks without feeling judged and know if they don't want anything to eat or drink, it's not based on me having an untidy and dirty looking home.

I can come and go when I please and not have to answer to the beck and call of requests to drive family here, there and everywhere, plus I no longer have to ferry my ex's bone idle family about. I can go for a nice bike ride and not watching the clock so I have to be back for a set time to make sure I'm in the house to set my nose to the grindstone again.

I can go to bed and get up when I want, I can do things I want and not have to explain my actions and I no longer feel guilty or beat myself up about having time to me.

My life has improved manifold, I sleep better, feel better, eat better, have peace of mind, very few worries, don't have the financial issues I once had, the amount of debt hanging over me, apart from direct debits and standing orders, I owe no-one a penny, what I have is mine and mine alone. I'm not greedy, I'll share what I have with anyone, but I no longer suffer fools, I'm long in the tooth and wise to the world now.
I have a will in place and I've severed the joint tenancy on my old home, so my ex will not be able to automatically claim all the property if I happen to pop my clogs before she does, on top of this, the contents of my will has a few caveats in it, so just because I'm gone, her life isn't going to be a walk in the park. Am I bitter? No, I just have my ducks in order.

Without tempting fate, my life is great.

It's amazing anyone ever gets into a relationship!
I'm wanting to focus on the things about being single that add to my life, rather than what's not there because of not having to put up with a man, iyswim? But yes, freedom is definitely up there. And the not having to think about someone else when cooking is amazing - I get enough of that with my week with the kids!

I've just started reading a really good memoir by a woman about her fortieth year and how she came to accept being on her own as a positive. I wonder if men feel like this too?

I agree with @kneeling that it is nice not to have to abide by a schedule.

I can indulge all my disgusting habits with no judgement!

Last night I ordered in a truly delicious BBQ sandwich, which made me sneeze. I spat out the mouthful of sandwich in my hand (so I didn't explode it around the room with the velocity of my sneeze) Put it back into mouth after sneezing fit finished

Unabashedly picking my nose! and eating it

No longer faffing with hair removal is a bonus.

Not having to listen to somebody else's idea of good music.

@GeidiPrimes

I can indulge all my disgusting habits with no judgement!

Last night I ordered in a truly delicious BBQ sandwich, which made me sneeze. I spat out the mouthful of sandwich in my hand (so I didn't explode it around the room with the velocity of my sneeze) Put it back into mouth after sneezing fit finished

Unabashedly picking my nose! and eating it

No longer faffing with hair removal is a bonus.

Not having to listen to somebody else's idea of good music.

I'm loving your honesty!

If I don't fancy cooking, I can settle in front of the fire with a glass of wine, some bread, cheese & olives.
I can watch romcoms without sneery comments

More long term, colour! I can paint my rooms with colour instead of bleak boring white
And music. Every time ex came into the kitchen, he'd turn my music off.

It's bliss.

@Mintjulia one of the first things I did upon leaving exh was bring colour into my life! I bought coloured crockery, and now I've got my own house, every room is painted a different colour almost

Agree with all of these. I am also busy with some house renovations and have gone with an orange wall

I'll add in that I don't have to share my new bathroom.

I can listen to whatever music I like without judgment

The calmness in my home.

That feeling of not having to explain yourself and ask permission to do things. This for me is the biggest factor

If I'm not feeling chatty then I can just not feel chatty. Not having somone ask me what's wrong every 5 mins.

It's bloody great and I can't see myself changing it.

Op, my kitchen wall is bright turquoise. My house is cheerful. My ex is appalled .

@Mintjulia

'If I'm not feeling chatty then I can just not feel chatty. Not having somone ask me what's wrong every 5 mins'

Eugh yeah this used to spark countless arguments in my house

I can talk the biggest lot of puke-inducing baby talk to Small NermalCat. All day.

I can waft around in my collection of Hundred Stars dressing gowns.

Watching anything I like on TV, and as many episodes as I like, is huge.

One week I had Mexican street food and a home made passion fruit margarita every night for five nights in a row. It was ace.

I know now I'll never have another relationship -- the benefits (especially at my advanced age, given the choice of men out there) are not worth the compromise.

On a related topic, I wonder if there's a thread for solo travellers? I'm starting to get a feel for what works and what doesn't, and wonder if there are others who'd want to compare notes.

I'm so jealous! I bloody loved being single and would have stayed that way if my biological clock hadn't convinced me to get married and have a baby.

I find sharing everything incredibly difficult and crave my own space. DH was away for 6 months a while ago and it was blissful.