Unexpected joys of being single

[Misty9]

What are yours? I'm newly single again after a short relationship following the end of my marriage. I think I intend to stay this way now, for a good while at least, and I'm thinking of all the good things about being single.

• I can starfish in bed whenever I want
• I can get up at the weekend and only have myself to please (when the dc aren't here) plus no one asking "what shall we do today?"

I can't actually think of any more... So what are yours?

@nearlynermal

@Misty9
That's great to hear. It's a wonderful experience falling in love with yourself. I've always struggled with self acceptance, self love. It's been a life's work!

I can eat soup and a sandwich for dinner. Exh always insisted on a full meal.
The house is always clean and tidy. Exh was untidy and likes clutter.
My bedroom is a place to relax rather than a place of tension or somewhere to hide away.
The TV is rarely on and I enjoy the quiet where it was on constantly whether he was watching it or not.

@Misty9. With you there lovely. I think a lot of us spend years facilitating and indulging everyone else’s whims and foibles — And lose ‘ourselves’ somewhat

@nearlynermal

Not having months and months of discussion on what colour to paint the bathroom
Not having to tell them I’m going out
Not having to listen to their snoring
Cleaning up when they finally decide to go home
Not having to watch mindless shit tv because it’s “their type of rugby”

So, for every 'not' can we think what that gives us the freedom to do? So we're not lacking something but gaining it? Or is that a bit of a wanky way to think?

I deal safe single.
My ex was a dangerous and evil piece of work

Feel* even

So many things.

Parenting DDs the way they deserve without conflict with his 'traditional'views. Not having to fight all. The. Time. About it is wonderful.

Definitely less laundry. How does one man generate 3 additional loads a week?

Watching what I want when I want on TV. Not having my Casualty habit sneered at.

Decorating the way I want it.

Carrying the mental load for the family because I can, not because he won't.

I've been single for just over 3 years now and more and more I don't see myself getting into anything more than FWB, ever.

Loving this thread. I'm 13 years in the clear after a marriage from aged 16 to 40. Then a 5 year FWB (almost but not quite a relationship) that finished oh....a good few years ago.

I really don't think I'll ever do a relationship again....the freedom makes me smile nearly every day!

@MenopausalCrone

Loving this thread. I'm 13 years in the clear after a marriage from aged 16 to 40. Then a 5 year FWB (almost but not quite a relationship) that finished oh....a good few years ago.

I really don't think I'll ever do a relationship again....the freedom makes me smile nearly every day!

16 to 40!!! Jesus, I bet you were a completely different person by the end of your marriage.

@fedup078

sounds like we were married to the same man

So many many things...
No having so many fucking cushions around the place because they ‘look nice’, not having vile scented candles about.
The freedom to do what I want, when I want and not think about other people, watch what I want (no more east Enders, )

Would never live with another woman again

It's the freedom and no compromise thing mainly, for me - going where and when you want, having the house how you want...

Also, twice I lived with men who were bossy so I love not feeling nagged. I know you don't want the "nots" OP, but sometimes it's all about the NOTS

However I have two children and feel I will enjoy this freedom more as they get older.

@Mintjulia

If I don't fancy cooking, I can settle in front of the fire with a glass of wine, some bread, cheese & olives. I can watch romcoms without sneery comments

More long term, colour! I can paint my rooms with colour instead of bleak boring white
And music. Every time ex came into the kitchen, he'd turn my music off.

It's bliss.

I love it!

I've got another one - doing very little on my day off and not needing to feel guilty because a partner is working

I'm half tempted to get rid of DH on reading all this 😂

I forgot about not having to worry about competitive tiredness. If I was tired, ex was always more tired. If I ever asked him to do something for me (which wasn't that often) he couldn't do it then, as had to have a lie down first.

Ffs he was in his 20s when we married and it was the same all married life. So it's not because he was older, overworked, ill etc

Oh snap!! Neither of ever wanted to admit our lot was better than terrible

But I was tired. Baby+toddler. He was just sending a message "dont even think about asking me for help"

I eat my tea out of a pan because I can and it feels naughty.
I love Findus lasagna sarnies with white wine.
Ive bought so much lingerie. I love wearing it because it's pretty and I deserve it.
I have also filled 3 wardrobes full of clothes and shoes.
When my DD is at her Dads on a Thursday, I take annual leave days on a Friday, so I can drink wine, stay up late and then go shopping by myself the day after whilst she is at school.
I own a ridiculous amount of sex toys.
I got dressed up on Saturday nights in the summer when my DD wasn't here. Drank wine in the garden, put the chimenea on and toasted marshmallows.

I like that when I'm ill or sad I can just get on with being ill or sad without having to try and put on a brave face/ try and look pretty/ ensure continuity of sex for someone.

I get to make all the decisions, no compromises.
The wardrobe all to myself.
Watch what I like on TV.
Eat what I fancy.
No interruptions when watching something I like.
No snoring.

Keeps a clean and organised home. Ex dp is a mucky pup that walks around in a cloud of dust and mud.