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Original poster

Unexpected joys of being single

195 replies

Misty9 · 10/04/2021 21:47

What are yours? I'm newly single again after a short relationship following the end of my marriage. I think I intend to stay this way now, for a good while at least, and I'm thinking of all the good things about being single.

  • I can starfish in bed whenever I want
  • I can get up at the weekend and only have myself to please (when the dc aren't here) plus no one asking "what shall we do today?"

I can't actually think of any more... So what are yours?

OP posts:
RolloverRollover · 14/04/2021 09:24

Honestly, it sounds like a lot of you were in really crap relationships anyway.

I've been 50% single and 50% living with someone (x2) during my adult life.

Whether single or with a DP I run my own finances and do whatever I want. Currently with DP of 2.5 years and will never live with him because he isn't a domestic godess and that would get on my nerves.

Feelingfree · 14/04/2021 10:13

I’ve been single for 4.5 years having been married for 30 years. Adult kids still at home for now but working/independent.

My ex was a snorer. I was woken up 3-4 times a night every night. I now sleep like a baby.

I love being free to just think about myself for a change. My biggest fear when we divorced was being lonely, this never happened. I have a big circle of friends who I see regularly (when allowed 🙄). I really do not miss married life.

If I ever meet someone I cannot imagine living with them. I have a day off work today. I’m sitting in bed with a cup of tea browsing mumsnet. I’m going to have a shower, do some gardening, go and ride my horse and later meet a friend for a walk - bliss.

I’ve enjoyed reading all the positive stories on this thread,

ThisTooShallBeFantastic · 14/04/2021 10:30

@RolloverRollover I don't think my 25 year marriage was crap by any means, but it became essentially a vehicle for bringing up three DC, which involved such massive compromises that our relationship did not survive. The joy I feel in being single now is as much the joy of no longer having to parent 24/7 as not having a man around who became increasingly ranty and annoying.

BelladiMamma · 14/04/2021 10:52

@Feelingfree

I’ve been single for 4.5 years having been married for 30 years. Adult kids still at home for now but working/independent.

My ex was a snorer. I was woken up 3-4 times a night every night. I now sleep like a baby.

I love being free to just think about myself for a change. My biggest fear when we divorced was being lonely, this never happened. I have a big circle of friends who I see regularly (when allowed 🙄). I really do not miss married life.

If I ever meet someone I cannot imagine living with them. I have a day off work today. I’m sitting in bed with a cup of tea browsing mumsnet. I’m going to have a shower, do some gardening, go and ride my horse and later meet a friend for a walk - bliss.

I’ve enjoyed reading all the positive stories on this thread,

Echo all of that! The snarky comments whenever I went to see the horse or see my friends. Sadly I have slept really badly since the last year or two of my marriage but other than that lots of boxes ticked!!
Lovelydiscusfish · 14/04/2021 10:56

@CookPassBabtridge

I can see why being single appeals to so many when you are so restricted in relationships. Not being able to eat what you want? Watch what you want?
But you do have to compromise even in quite good relationships, don’t you? I mean, we only have one TV, so we can’t both watch different things at once. He compromises sometimes too and watches things I want to watch, but I can’t expect him to do that all the time.

And with food - it would be a bit of a mither for him, or me (he does most of the cooking) to create two different meals every evening. So sometimes we eat what I want, and sometimes we eat what he wants.....

My current one works away a lot, and also isn’t here when I have my DD (who mainly lives with her dad at the moment but is still here a lot at weekends) so I guess I do kind of get the best of both worlds......

CherryCherries · 14/04/2021 11:13

Reading in bed with the light on. Ditto laying in bed with headphones on to listen to music or a podcast.

CherryCherries · 14/04/2021 11:18

@lovelydiscusfish that's the beauty of it.. you don't have to eat what they want or even cook a meal if you don't want to. Some days if I just want cheese on toast or a bowl of cereal at dinner time then I can and do. Sometimes I just cut up some cubes of cheese and have wine with it!

When I was married dinner time was such a chore and he always insisted on a meal.

MarinaMermaid · 14/04/2021 11:59

“ Honestly, it sounds like a lot of you were in really crap relationships anyway.”

@RolloverRollover, aren’t you lovely.

Pyewackect · 14/04/2021 12:07

@RolloverRollover I don't think my 25 year marriage was crap by any means, but it became essentially a vehicle for bringing up three DC, which involved such massive compromises that our relationship did not survive. The joy I feel in being single now is as much the joy of no longer having to parent 24/7 as not having a man around who became increasingly ranty and annoying

... sounds like the definition of a crap relationship to me Hmm

ThisTooShallBeFantastic · 14/04/2021 13:37

Ha ha maybe you're right @Pyewackect, to be honest I have no regrets as the relationship meant I now have lovely grownup DC (two were very poorly as children, hence all the compromises, but they survived) and total financial independence - and I'm really appreciating and exploring the freedom I have found. As a PP said, there's a lot of myths to bust, for instance it turns out mowing the lawn is piss easy, great exercise and really satisfying (in terms of the end result, plus I love my very powerful lawnmower to bits). The small and the big things all make me happy Grin.

Original poster
Misty9 · 14/04/2021 17:46

[quote CherryCherries]@lovelydiscusfish that's the beauty of it.. you don't have to eat what they want or even cook a meal if you don't want to. Some days if I just want cheese on toast or a bowl of cereal at dinner time then I can and do. Sometimes I just cut up some cubes of cheese and have wine with it!

When I was married dinner time was such a chore and he always insisted on a meal.[/quote]
This. When single, it's not that you don't have to put up with a suboptimal partner (although no doubt that's a bonus), but you don't have to take anyone else's needs or preferences into account. My ex partner would happily cook whatever I wanted, but I had to make a decision and it was always a meal. Not just a bowl of cornflakes Grin

I think it's been said repeatedly and can probably be summed up in one word: freedom.

OP posts:
Lovelydiscusfish · 14/04/2021 21:24

[quote CherryCherries]@lovelydiscusfish that's the beauty of it.. you don't have to eat what they want or even cook a meal if you don't want to. Some days if I just want cheese on toast or a bowl of cereal at dinner time then I can and do. Sometimes I just cut up some cubes of cheese and have wine with it!

When I was married dinner time was such a chore and he always insisted on a meal.[/quote]
Yep! And this was my original point - I couldn’t agree more. Tonight, the fella is working away, the kiddo is with her dad. So I can eat anything I fucking want! I might have a pop-tart. I might have Easter egg. I might have the left-over curry that I made DD last night. Or maybe I will just have a little more wine?

Single ROCKS. I didn’t intend to get ensnared with the current fella. I basically wanted a FB, and fell hard for this one against my own plans and wishes.....

Still miss those freedom days.....

CookPassBabtridge · 15/04/2021 10:30

I've been in a great relationship for 13 years, lived together the whole time and if one of us wants a bowl of cereal or a pot noodle for tea then we can! The other one makes what they want or joins in. We have one TV but an ipad, computer etc so the other can watch on them. We go to bed when we individually want to. But we're not distant in any way, spend lots of time together.
I would want to be single if I felt so restricted by another person.

Ffsffsffsffsffs · 15/04/2021 10:35

Not having to make excuses for not clearing out of the fridge.

Guess what I'm doing this morning?

luckyreds · 15/04/2021 14:35

No in laws

TC68 · 15/04/2021 14:53

No moody resentful step children

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 15/04/2021 15:02

Relaxed pooing ☺️

Imasoulman · 15/04/2021 15:12

Being able to get my beautiful MCM furniture out of storage.

Grow my vinyl collection without the judgement.

Eating much more healthier, and when I am hungry rather than set times.

Being free to explore my more feminine side at last.

Pebbledashery · 15/04/2021 15:24

@Dontfuckingsaycheese 🤣🤣

TC68 · 15/04/2021 15:26

@Dontfuckingsaycheese
Relaxed pooing ☺️
I am smiling - how come no one has come up with this one sooner!!

Pebbledashery · 15/04/2021 15:31

I definitely think if I was ever to meet anyone. I definitely wouldn't give up my house and life to live with them.
Made that mistake with my ex and had to literally start from scratch. Has taken nearly a year but now DD and I have a beautiful home, she's settled in a lovely nursery and I'm starting a better job in a few weeks. I've done that on my own.. Nobody is worth ruining that.

Original poster
Misty9 · 15/04/2021 18:17

@CookPassBabtridge

I've been in a great relationship for 13 years, lived together the whole time and if one of us wants a bowl of cereal or a pot noodle for tea then we can! The other one makes what they want or joins in. We have one TV but an ipad, computer etc so the other can watch on them. We go to bed when we individually want to. But we're not distant in any way, spend lots of time together. I would want to be single if I felt so restricted by another person.
That's great you're in such a good relationship. But the reason I started this thread is because society often seems to view single people as lacking, or as just waiting until they find someone. I wanted to hear the bloody fab things about being single, to celebrate and revel in it.
OP posts:
Dontfuckingsaycheese · 15/04/2021 18:34

@Misty9. Your thread has really made me think about this. I am single. I was in a relationship aged 21-26 - lived with him for a year. I've had a few relationships over the years - nothing overly serious. Many one-nighters. At 51, having spent most of my life single, I have always thought, well it would be nice to be with someone but I am happy like this too. I've never felt lacking or that I was waiting for someone. But I didn't discount the idea. And I kind of would have liked to have got married at some point. I have a son who is now 18. He was the perfect lockdown partner - we had a laugh, played games, gave each other space... We also have a dog. This year has really made me think, thank god I'm single! I'd never have survived this with a live-in partner. I would say I am pretty content with my lot. We recently moved to a lovely new shared ownership house so we are secure. My son has a job he loves. I graduated from the OU a couple of years ago. I'm about to start teacher training having worked at a college as a TA for the last couple of years. For me - life is sweet. For the first time it is dawning on me that this is actually my first choice and I'm not in some holding pattern. I'm not sure where a live-in partner would fit into all this. I suppose a FWB would be good. But this IS my life. And I definitely don't feel like poor me I wish I wasn't single. It is more - thank goodness I'm single and I frequently feel sorry for others who aren't!

Ps. I mentioned the relaxed pooing thing - for years I had a toilet phobia - I'm better now but I must say - I feel so liberated in the bathroom when I'm not worried someone is going to hear every squeak or splash!

reginafalange2020 · 15/04/2021 18:35

My house was always lovely and tidy when I was single

dattenboroughiskingoftheworld · 15/04/2021 18:39

It would be quicker if I listed the disadvantages of being single....

Lack of access to regular sex
Someone to top up my vino when I'm snuggly on the couch

Errmmm that's it. I genuinely can't think of another. I need a FWB and to be fair I've worked out that if you put chilled white wine in a 750ml Chillys bottle you don't have to move from the couch so just the FWB to sort out. The last one I had had to shield because of his extremely clinically vulnerable +++ child and understandably that won't change anytime soon so I have a vacancy