Unexpected joys of being single

[Misty9]

What are yours? I'm newly single again after a short relationship following the end of my marriage. I think I intend to stay this way now, for a good while at least, and I'm thinking of all the good things about being single.

• I can starfish in bed whenever I want
• I can get up at the weekend and only have myself to please (when the dc aren't here) plus no one asking "what shall we do today?"

I can't actually think of any more... So what are yours?

@deeplyambivalent. That’s quite profound and I think so very true. Many women feel that they have to push past feelings of sadness or not feeling 100% because they are expected to keep the show on the road-

I'm not quite there yet, but I KNOW these are the things I'm looking forward to, and will wholeheartedly enjoy once the house is sold and I am rid of him:

• Getting a dryer
• Cleaning the house after only me and the DC
• Cooking simple meals only for me and the DC
• Not having to justify why I have asked him to wash up when he hasn't done so for days,
• Not having to explain me drinking one bottle of wine at home per month
• Not having to justify meeting friends for dinner every 3 months (pre-COVID)
• Not having to do his washing and then have him complain about him having to hang it up if I'm taking DC to bed
• Having some days/nights just to be by myself as he refuses to take the DC to bed/school
• Doing my own DIY when I decide I want to, rather than in frustration having waited 3 years for him to do so
• Not having to compromise on ridiculous things just so he can have an argument
• Nobody trying to belittle my career the more successful I get
• The freedom to be myself

The only thing I'm insisting on taking when divvying up the house is my tools. And yes, they're mine as it's me that's bought them, and I'm the only person who uses them!

As I've got more than enough DC to keep me busy, I don't think I'll ever entertain having another relationship serious enough to marry a new man. I was single for 6 years in my late 20s/early 30s, and really enjoyed it. Now being with someone who expects me to be a 1950's housewife/mother on top of a demanding full-time job, as well as cosseting his every need and desire confirms to me that this long-term coupling business is not for me!

*Apologies for the length, but I found that quite cathartic.

@harknesswitch

Not shave my arm pits, fanny or legs

Love it!!!

I identify with a lot of these!

No F1
No endless football
No crisps in bed
No drinking my birthday gift gin
No walking on eggshells for me or the kids
No bad moods on days out/holidays because we spending too much money, he don't like the pool
No groping/smack on the bottom

I really could go on....

There are so many advantages to being on our own that it is incredible how the world perceives both single parents and single women as a phenomenon to be pitied. All I can say is society doesnt know what it is missing...!

oh I love these comments - I am going to re read them every time I am feeling sorry for myself being single !!

I'm newly single so all these comments have really cheered me up. I'm mid 40s and have just come out of a five-year relationship and before that I had a two-year one when I was 30. I was always happy single and want to get to that stage again.

Apart from the usual stuff about doing whatever the hell I like, the biggest liberation for me has been no longer having to worry that he will leave me or that I would find out he was cheating and have to dump him.

I used to suffer anxiety about that every single day for eight years. It was very draining and not good for my mental health. Then I found out he'd been seeing another woman for 4 months behind my back and I ended it.

Obvs I was devastated at the time but now I no longer need to worry all day every day.

Just want to add.... the thing that would worry me the most about having another man in my life (esp living with me) is the constant low level expectation to have sex. I've got so used to seeing to my own needs once in a while, a brief couple of minutes before going to sleep, that I now can't bear the idea of having to bother with satisfying anyone else or spending ages on it. Is that awful?

@CallMeCleo not awful at all! Although I enjoy myself so much its much more than a couple of minutes for me
And sorry that your ex turned out to be a bastard. Sounds like your sixth sense picked up on something early on

I'm glad this thread is helping others, both nearly and newly single. Single people rock! I've finished that book now and highly recommend it. As a pp said, for some reason society looks at a single person and sees half missing whereas I feel perfectly whole as I am thank you :)
I had a long stressful day today and it would be easy to feel lonely, but most men are crap at emotional support anyway! And I've got ds who asked how my day was

I mowed the lawn for the first time since ExDH left - I note with interest that I didn't get a hat, balloon and medal. Which is what he wanted every time!

I've read the book and loved it. The next book I'm reading is the Attachment book. I think I'm 'anxious', certainly more so in the past. It would have to take a pretty cool secure type to catch my eye now.

I love the fact that when I fuck up I only have myself to answer to. I kind of mentally shake my head at myself, and go ‘Grrr, what am I like!’, and then I move on and forget all about it.

Bliss.

@Febo24 the mowing the lawn is a bloody revelation!! It was so etching I wasn't "alliwed" to do, along with any DIY or household maintainable at all. Small jobs built up because he didn't bother, but I also ended up feeling anxious and incompetent because anything I did anything thered be lengthy criticism.

He left. I miwed the lawn. No one died. It took me about 6 minutes. It was a REAL fuck you moment for me. Along with fixing the pantry light, sorting child locks on the kitchen cupboards, putting a new toilet seat on, taking the car to be fixed. It still angers me that I allowed myself to be stripped of my independence and ability to just crack on.

@Febo24 ooh have you read her memoir too? I loved it. Now reading the book with the same title as this thread and that's good so far.

Yes to mowing! I remember doing that when I first left exh and thinking what a piece of piss it was!

Bookmarking!

Freedom, peace and space :)
Stay up all night, sleep all day if you feel like it. Fall asleep wherever you want. Eat whatever you want. Buy chocolate and know it will still be there when you go back. More time to spend with friends and family. A good nights sleep (I’m not sure why but even after years I still struggle to sleep properly when someone else is in the bed!), read or paint or do whatever all day without needing to plan for someone else’s day. Control. Being unashamedly selfish and no one being there to guilt you. I love my husband and he’s worth it but I do miss some things about being single

Not having anyone - and certainly no man - around. Go where I want, when I want. Nothing but possibilities. Men ? No thanks. Been there, done that. Game over

This and so much more.

Within the limits of the law doing what I want, when I want. And not having to feel guilty about it or compromise.

Great sleep;
time to think (read, write, make artwork whatever) - instead of constant interruptions, you can finish a thought;
coherent parenting (instead of disrupted, overruled parenting);
everything is tidy;
don't feel inhibited by constant mocking, commenting, or risk of;
sexual frustration can be solved;
in fact not just parenting, but anything else, can be done to a coherent consistent plan that you have in your head, instead of someone overruling random bits according to their mood or something they have just read on the internet, without realising it's part of a thought-out plan

Not currently single, but things I loved when I was included:

Listening to whatever music I like whenever I like. Singing along to it too, and sometimes dancing like an idiot.
Watching whatever I like on TV (even if it is Peaky Blinders for the 7000000th time).
Eating whatever I like, including my own bizarre recipes which would never be eaten by a normal human.
More time for days out, and even trips away, on my own.
Only doing the washing up when I feel like it (there’s much less anyway when you are single)
Guilt-free flirting, on-line, down the pub, whereever.
Freedom to see my platonic male friends in any context I want to, including staying over at their houses if I want to.
Not shaving my legs.

@hydroxychloroquinegate This is my dream. Still married, but dreaming of being single.

[quote Misty9]@joystir59 I am planning to - a loving relationship with myself the relationship I've been lacking my whole life up until recently and one which only I can make happen.[/quote]
hear hear

I can see why being single appeals to so many when you are so restricted in relationships. Not being able to eat what you want? Watch what you want?

Giving attention to myself rather than someone else.
Entertaining myself without interruption.
All house rules are my own.
No one to criticise my choices in anything at all.
Never being frustrated by someone else’s apathy at home.
Giving time and attention to friends and family without anyone feeling put out.
Never being affected by someone else’s schedule.
Creating as much noise as I want day or night without disturbing anyone.
Sleeping without being woken by the noises of someone getting up.
Getting a takeaway for two and having it all just for me, to eat the next day if I like.
Never ever clearing up after anyone.
A kitchen that stays spotless for more than half a day.
Getting up at the crack of dawn and opening all of the windows and curtains and no one complaining.
Spending money on helping very appreciative family rather than an ungrateful partner.
Flirting with and visually appreciating anyone I want.
Never being given low effort scraps.
Things (like the bathroom) remaining fresher for longer because there is only one person using them.

My lovely mother who has now passed away always craved a single life but was in the era where she was financially dependent on my dad so never left. She would always say how amazing it would be to have your own front door to close and be behind it on your own with your own freedom and choices and how liberating that would be. I have been really low after coming out of a relationship but starting to value all of the benefits of being single - society does pity single ladies instead of seeing them as strong independent individuals