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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being made a fool of?

335 replies

MoonfacedMilksop · 09/04/2021 18:36

I don’t really have many female friends. I’m pretty shy and awkward but really close to my family and perfectly happy with the way things are. I do have one friend, I’ll call her F, who was my best friend throughout secondary school. I used to be really outgoing and confident but something incredibly traumatic happened to me when I was 15. I wasn’t ostracised or anything at school because of this but no one really knew what to do with me other than to look pityingly at me. The only person that didn’t change was F, she was always great to me and made me feel normal and I’ll always be grateful to her for that.

Over the years we’ve kind of drifted apart. We still see each other for a night out maybe once every 6 weeks or so as we live in the same town but not much contact other than that apart from sending meme’s now and again. Obviously we didn’t see each other at all from Feb last year until a few weeks ago.

A few weeks ago she phoned me up in tears, her landlady needs the house back, she’s been there for years but never had a proper contract and as we live in a holiday destination absolutely everywhere is only renting out to tourists week per week (well, from Monday anyway). She asks if she can stay with me for a few weeks until something comes up. I have been converting an old stable block in my garden for my mum to live in as she’s getting increasingly frail. It’s not got a kitchen yet but otherwise all in working order so happy for her to stay there for a few weeks.

She arrived last week. The first night she arrived I said I’d pop round after dc were asleep and show her how everything works, see if there’s anything she needs. I go round with a bottle of wine and it’s immediately clear she doesn’t want me there. I’d poured myself a glass of wine and she was doing exaggerated sighs and just playing with her phone so much that I ended up staying less than 10 minutes. She messaged the next morning apologising saying that she was just feeling really useless at the moment, never wanted this to be her life and was really embarrassed that I’d had to help her out.

I thought I’d just give her space and leave her to do whatever but a few days later the electrician was due to go round and I needed to be there so I told her and went round when I said. Again, huffing and puffing and making it really uncomfortable for both me and the electrician.

Then today I was in the garden when I heard her come in through the bottom gate, she hadn’t seen me as I was out of view (not deliberately hiding!). She had a friend with her and I heard her say “you’ll have to be quiet, if she sees I’m in she’ll never leave me alone”. Friend laughs and I didn’t hear what was said next then F said “I know, not much longer then I won’t have to live in a hovel hiding....” then I didn’t hear what was said.

Where she’s staying isn’t a hovel, it’s a really nice conversion that I’m not asking for any payment for. I went round once when she arrived, clearly didn’t want me there then have been round once more when I had to.

Am I being made a fool of? I’m feeling so upset. I thought I was doing something really nice for a friend and she seems to hate me for it.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 09/04/2021 19:56

I agree that you did a nice thing and its not your fault that F is as others have said a CF. That's down to her and Its time for her to sling her hook and repent at her leisure.

RogueMNerKnowsNoShame · 09/04/2021 19:58

This would break my heart. Flowers Flowers

toocold54 · 09/04/2021 20:02

I am so angry on your behalf!!

Honestly I would just go there now and say you’re letting her live there rent free, she’s made it obvious she doesn’t want you there the two times you pooped around and then you heard her moaning about it with her friend. Say you are not being taken for a mug so you want her gone. Don’t worry about ruining the friendship as you obviously don’t have one anyway.

Eddielzzard · 09/04/2021 20:03

How utterly vile. What a way to reward a generous friend. Perhaps her friend can put her up, since she seems to hold you in such low regard.

I'm sorry. What a way to end a friendship Flowers

HollowTalk · 09/04/2021 20:04

Well, let's see how that friend enjoys putting her up, then. I would definitely tell her she had to leave. Do you have a partner? I think I'd say you both heard her and let him deal with the key situation.

MadisonMontgomery · 09/04/2021 20:10

Wowwwwww she’s foul. Literally the second she goes out for anything I’d have her shit in binbags & the locks changed. If you live near me I’ll be happy to come round & help, I’m actually so angry on your behalf!

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 20:15

Why wait for this vile person to go out?

junebirthdaygirl · 09/04/2021 20:18

Do you think she is insulted you didn't have her as your guest in your home and feels put out to be left by herself? She sounded ashamed with her friend to be seen in such dire circumstances.
But overall her carry on since she arrived has been horrid. Could you say your mom is moving in in 2 weeks so she needs to be gone by then? I am afraid she will play you a sob story and try to get to stay in her FREE hovel for a never ending spell.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 09/04/2021 20:25

@vixeyann

I wonder if she is resentful and jealous of your situation OP - nice house with an annex, so she is being spiteful. Either way, not someone you need in your life.
This would be a reasonable explanation.
2018SoFarSoGreat · 09/04/2021 20:28

I'm so sorry, OP. That stings. She's a horrible person, and I would absolutely not put up with this. Seeing her in person may be hard, so text her now. Don't sit on this. It will eat you up.

Cheeky cow. How dare she repay your kindness in this way? Horrid.

Boonlark · 09/04/2021 20:28

I'm suspicious about why her landlady kicked her out....did she get in there as a friend too? Very unusual not to have a contract and to get kicked out at short notice

Kittykat93 · 09/04/2021 20:32

Shes a freeloader. I'd text and tell her I'd heard everything she said and to get her shit together and be out within the next 24 hours. She can find some other mug

Boonlark · 09/04/2021 20:41

@Kittykat93

Shes a freeloader. I'd text and tell her I'd heard everything she said and to get her shit together and be out within the next 24 hours. She can find some other mug
. Yes, this. After all she's got at least one other friend nearby, doesn't she?
MoonfacedMilksop · 09/04/2021 20:42

I’m not going to pack her bags or anything like that. I’m probably a pissy but I just could t do that to anyone. My sister and husband are due to stay with me in a couple of weeks. F knows this and originally she was going to move out of annexe for week sister is here and stay in my spare room. I’ll tell her that it’s not going to work and that she needs to find somewhere else by then.

I really don’t think she’d have maintained friendship all these years on the off chance I built an annexe that she could move into. I think maybe I’ve just misjudged the friendship massively. I knew certainly in the last decade or so she’s been very much a fair weather friend, but I think I probably have been to her too. What’s really hurt me is that she was the only person at school who seemed truly decent towards me after what happened. I told her loads of stuff about it that I’d never told anyone else. The thought she could have been going round gossiping about it behind my back just kills me.

OP posts:
Wherearemymarbles · 09/04/2021 20:44

Fuck that

I’d have kicked her out there and then.
Twats like this don’t deserve friends

TitsInAbsentia · 09/04/2021 20:46

You've been really kind and she has been a dick. Definitely give her a move out date of at least a few days before your sister comes to stay. I wouldn't necessarily tell her you'd overheard the conversation but I'd def throw in a line like "oh I'm sure you'll be pleased to be moving out of this hovel anyway [insert mumsnet tinkly laugh for us]". You deserve better, and there are nice people out there x

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 09/04/2021 20:47

The thought she could have been going round gossiping about it behind my back just kills me

Don't assume that she has done this. That way madness lies Flowers

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 20:47

Who gives a fuck about her backstory, her possible reasons, motives or justifications? That's how using CFers like this get away with abusing nice people like the OP. And yy, there years and years and no contract and made to leave at short notice? Sure. If it's any comfort to you, OP, you won't be the first person she's used.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 20:50

So she had you all lined up to stay with for free, run up your bills, for at least a month.

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 20:57

OP you're going to be stuck with her now.

Your soft and she knows this. She'll walk all over you now.

Sorry this has happened, it's always the nice people that get shafted. 🌸

toocold54 · 09/04/2021 21:01

I wonder if she is resentful and jealous of your situation OP - nice house with an annex, so she is being spiteful. Either way, not someone you need in your life.

I think this seems about right.

She probably has been your friend for all of these years but her life is getting harder and you seem to have a good life so I suspect she’s jealous and resentful of you because of it.
But that’s no reason to be rude or ungrateful and because you’re helping out so much then I wouldn’t feel bad after telling her she can’t stay as long as planned.

PollyPocket245 · 09/04/2021 21:02

Oh love, big hugs. People can be s**t heads. You don’t deserve that. More than anything I wish you would tell her to do one! If not, I’m always available to do it for you Grin.

You’re a good person Flowers

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 21:04

@WisnaeMe

OP you're going to be stuck with her now.

Your soft and she knows this. She'll walk all over you now.

Sorry this has happened, it's always the nice people that get shafted. 🌸

Bit like her landlady. Probably got sick of being used.
Boho7 · 09/04/2021 21:16

Maybe she does feel embarrassed about her situation and was just kind of brushing off the fact that shes homeless by making snarky comments to her friend ? Obvs a shit thing to do and she didnt expect you to over hear. And likely resentful and jealous of your situation like a pp said

Unsure33 · 09/04/2021 21:20

Do you think she was embarrassed and saving face for her situation in front of the other friend ? It’s a shitty thing to do but does seem odd .

I would definitely sit her down , tell her you heard , and watch her face .

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