Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am I being made a fool of?

335 replies

MoonfacedMilksop · 09/04/2021 18:36

I don’t really have many female friends. I’m pretty shy and awkward but really close to my family and perfectly happy with the way things are. I do have one friend, I’ll call her F, who was my best friend throughout secondary school. I used to be really outgoing and confident but something incredibly traumatic happened to me when I was 15. I wasn’t ostracised or anything at school because of this but no one really knew what to do with me other than to look pityingly at me. The only person that didn’t change was F, she was always great to me and made me feel normal and I’ll always be grateful to her for that.

Over the years we’ve kind of drifted apart. We still see each other for a night out maybe once every 6 weeks or so as we live in the same town but not much contact other than that apart from sending meme’s now and again. Obviously we didn’t see each other at all from Feb last year until a few weeks ago.

A few weeks ago she phoned me up in tears, her landlady needs the house back, she’s been there for years but never had a proper contract and as we live in a holiday destination absolutely everywhere is only renting out to tourists week per week (well, from Monday anyway). She asks if she can stay with me for a few weeks until something comes up. I have been converting an old stable block in my garden for my mum to live in as she’s getting increasingly frail. It’s not got a kitchen yet but otherwise all in working order so happy for her to stay there for a few weeks.

She arrived last week. The first night she arrived I said I’d pop round after dc were asleep and show her how everything works, see if there’s anything she needs. I go round with a bottle of wine and it’s immediately clear she doesn’t want me there. I’d poured myself a glass of wine and she was doing exaggerated sighs and just playing with her phone so much that I ended up staying less than 10 minutes. She messaged the next morning apologising saying that she was just feeling really useless at the moment, never wanted this to be her life and was really embarrassed that I’d had to help her out.

I thought I’d just give her space and leave her to do whatever but a few days later the electrician was due to go round and I needed to be there so I told her and went round when I said. Again, huffing and puffing and making it really uncomfortable for both me and the electrician.

Then today I was in the garden when I heard her come in through the bottom gate, she hadn’t seen me as I was out of view (not deliberately hiding!). She had a friend with her and I heard her say “you’ll have to be quiet, if she sees I’m in she’ll never leave me alone”. Friend laughs and I didn’t hear what was said next then F said “I know, not much longer then I won’t have to live in a hovel hiding....” then I didn’t hear what was said.

Where she’s staying isn’t a hovel, it’s a really nice conversion that I’m not asking for any payment for. I went round once when she arrived, clearly didn’t want me there then have been round once more when I had to.

Am I being made a fool of? I’m feeling so upset. I thought I was doing something really nice for a friend and she seems to hate me for it.

OP posts:
PrincessPea11 · 09/04/2021 19:20

That's unacceptable.

The first night I could've fully understood if she'd just moved in, had had all the stress of needing to move quickly, and was knackered but not the incident with the electrician or talking about you in that manner.

I could suggest that maybe she's under a lot of pressure and out of sorts etc but I wouldn't put up with this and would cordially invite her to leave. Make very clear that you accidentally overheard what she said because she said it loud enough for you to catch, don't let her suggest you were listening in to a private conversation.

You tried to do a nice thing, she is the one at fault.

AhNowTed · 09/04/2021 19:24

She should have been bringing YOU wine.

She's a nasty using cow and I'd tell her to leave on the spot.

Wipe that smirk off her face.

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 09/04/2021 19:26

Kick her out. She’s not your friend so why should you be doing her any favours

This. I'd be livid, cheeky cow. Tell her to fuck off out of the hovel. Your "hovel" not hers!

AhNowTed · 09/04/2021 19:27

She's basically making fun of you behind your back. While taking full advantage of your generosity.

She's a fucking cow.

Get your keys off her.

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 19:27

@AhNowTed

She's basically making fun of you behind your back. While taking full advantage of your generosity.

She's a fucking cow.

Get your keys off her.

yip 🌸

amarya · 09/04/2021 19:30

Unforgivable. Tell her to leave immediately.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 19:30

FUCK THAT! 'Overheard your charming conversation today. Wow. You using freeloading twat. Get off my property. NOW. I don't give a fuck where you go.'

Then go over there and make sure she leaves and leaves the key.

GreyhoundG1rl · 09/04/2021 19:31

How can you even ask, though? Is there a part of you that really doesn't understand whether this is shitty behaviour or not? Confused
People amaze me sometimes.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 19:32

@MoonfacedMilksop

She moved in last Wednesday and I went round on Wednesday evening then had to go round on monday morning with the electrician.
Doesn't matter, it's YOUR property. If I'd had overheard that conversation I'd have come out then and there, 'Get off my property now.'
KirstenBlest · 09/04/2021 19:32

Wait until she goes out, remove all her stuff and leave them in binbags by the road. Call a locksmith.

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 19:33

@KirstenBlest

Wait until she goes out, remove all her stuff and leave them in binbags by the road. Call a locksmith.

Perfect 🎉

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 19:34

She will REFUSE TO MOVE OUT.... you have no tenancy agreement nothing...

you need to deal with this NOW OP 🌸

HavelockVetinari · 09/04/2021 19:34

@BluebellsGreenbells

Text her.

Sorry you fee your free rental is a hovel in hiding. Perhaps you prefer to be elsewhere.

Let me know when you’d like to drop the keys back.

This. She's taking you for a ride. Even if she's embarrassed to have fallen on hard times it's utterly awful of her to badmouth you to other people when you're doing her such a huge favour.

Tell her you're sorry she doesn't appreciate your offer but it's probably best if she leaves within the week.

KirstenBlest · 09/04/2021 19:36

Yep! She has no contract so you need to get rid now.

cockcrisps · 09/04/2021 19:36

Just to give her the benefit of the doubt for one sec. maybe she doesn’t want to see anyone? Maybe she doesn’t even want this other friend there and has to pretend she is smothered by you to make the other friend leave too? I can imagine a scenario in which I would receive a visit from someone I didn’t want to spend long with and make a comment like “X has been contacting me all day and I am really talked/visited out and exhausted,” so they would get the hint and leave me alone

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 19:37

She's maintained contact because she's a using bitch. She'll refuse to move out? She has ZERO rights to stay there. Why the hesitancy to tell her to get the fuck out now? What she's done is so far out of order and low down you should be utterly fuming and kick her arse out.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 19:39

Oh fuck giving her the benefit of FA. Why would you, unless you're a total doormat and fool.

WisnaeMe · 09/04/2021 19:42

@osbertthesyrianhamster

She's maintained contact because she's a using bitch. She'll refuse to move out? She has ZERO rights to stay there. Why the hesitancy to tell her to get the fuck out now? What she's done is so far out of order and low down you should be utterly fuming and kick her arse out.

yip... get her out NOW 🌸

Onesnowynight · 09/04/2021 19:43

Get your keys back

hellywelly3 · 09/04/2021 19:43

Call her out on it. Don’t let people treat you like that.

LadyLolaRuben · 09/04/2021 19:46

Bluebellsgreenbells message to her is perfect. Send that to her

Sonofabiscuit · 09/04/2021 19:46

@KirstenBlest

Wait until she goes out, remove all her stuff and leave them in binbags by the road. Call a locksmith.
Do this
KirstenBlest · 09/04/2021 19:49

* I do have one friend, I’ll call her F, *

I think you mean CF.

osbertthesyrianhamster · 09/04/2021 19:50

Why wait for her to go out when you also know she's sneaking around?

Lordamighty · 09/04/2021 19:50

Unfortunately you are being made a fool of. Your friend is outrageous, she has played you for free accommodation & is now treating you with contempt & not even trying to hide it from you. She needs to leave.
You did a nice thing OP it’s not your fault that your friend is an absolute bitch.