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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He shared private pictures online

607 replies

feelingexposed · 08/04/2021 15:32

Hello, I am actually very embarrassed to post this but needed to know if its happened to others and get some advice.

My husband has been taking pictures of me in private for years, sometimes sneaky ones other times he asks me to let him. As you can imagine i am in various stages of dressed in them, usually not at all. I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing.

This was okay until last week, some stranger messaged me on FB and was saying pervy comments and then sent me a picture of myself, fully nude asleep. I flipped out big time and asked him where he got it. Apparently he got it on an image sharing site when men share pics of their wives. I blocked the person and rang my husband immediately. He was really panicked and told me the whole story.

For the past 2 years he has been sharing my pictures on forums and websites specifically for unaware wives, he says he really enjoys it and it helps him de-stress and get off. He then said he has never shared my details and gave me a fake name (as if that made it okay). We have been trying to have a child for a number of years now and he claims it helps him manage his EJs. He said he never meant to hurt me and he is really sorry i found out.

What on earth do I do now? hundreds of men have seen these pictures and I love my husband so its really hard to make any decisions or talk to him right now. AIBU or is this justified? he has never cheated or anything like that.

Help

OP posts:
FireflyRainbow · 08/04/2021 15:34

Ow my god..... think this is the worst thing I've read on here. Surely this is a crime.

StrapOnSallyChasedMeDownTheAli · 08/04/2021 15:35

What a complete violation! I'm afraid I would no longer be able to trust him and would be game over.

DamsonTrousers · 08/04/2021 15:36

I don’t even know where to start.

To confirm, you are not being unreasonable. His behaviour is completely, utterly, unacceptable and a total breach of trust.

custardbear · 08/04/2021 15:36

Bloody hell that's awful!

I'm not sure how it works but you can Google reverse a picture or something and it searches the internet for said image - perhaps he got your FB profile this way? Like I say I've no idea how to do it but it's all I can think of

I hope you resolve this - can he get in touch with this website and ask them to remove the images? It can't help with any that have been downloaded but at least it's something

2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney · 08/04/2021 15:36

I am appalled for you OP

GCAcademic · 08/04/2021 15:36

He has committed a crime. Fuck knows why these websites are allowed to exist.

DamsonTrousers · 08/04/2021 15:36

@FireflyRainbow

Ow my god..... think this is the worst thing I've read on here. Surely this is a crime.
Agreed. It’s almost worse than cheating in a way.
TreeDice · 08/04/2021 15:37

Please, please tell me you aren't considering staying in this relationship?

You realise it's a crime right? That you will NEVER be able to get those pictures down, they will always be available online somewhere.

And all this so he could "destress"? Absolutely disgusting behaviour.

RincewindsHat · 08/04/2021 15:37

Um, no. Never justified. Are you kidding?! This is a massive abuse of trust and breach of your privacy. I'd be livid and would find it very hard to ever trust him again. He's been lying to you for years! Disgusting to do this without your knowledge or consent, plus illegal.

nancy75 · 08/04/2021 15:38

This would be very much not ok with me, I don’t think I could stand to be in the same room with him again.

BramStoker · 08/04/2021 15:38

I would be furious

Clearly the 'anonymous' element is bullshit if this weirdo has managed to track you down and contact you

What he has done is illegal but it is obviously up to you if you want to go down the lagal route or not

Original poster
feelingexposed · 08/04/2021 15:38

@custardbear

Bloody hell that's awful!

I'm not sure how it works but you can Google reverse a picture or something and it searches the internet for said image - perhaps he got your FB profile this way? Like I say I've no idea how to do it but it's all I can think of

I hope you resolve this - can he get in touch with this website and ask them to remove the images? It can't help with any that have been downloaded but at least it's something

Yes thats exactly what happened, he said for 2 years its been fine but I changed my FB picture a few weeks ago to a picture he has shown to people so they must have done that.

He said all of the sites he used use temporary pictures so there is nothing permanent online, just the ones people have saved.

OP posts:
FourWordsImMuNiTy · 08/04/2021 15:39

Much less forgivable than cheating.

Thesearmsofmine · 08/04/2021 15:39

Leave your husband and report him to the police.

PunishmentSnart · 08/04/2021 15:39

Your first stop should be kicking him out. Second phoning the police. This is not ok

VettiyaIruken · 08/04/2021 15:40

Jesus. This is ltb territory.
God knows how many of these creepy bastards could contact you! Fake name indeed 🙄 as if that even matters.

Those pictures are out there forever. I don't know how you could forgive that.

Whatevaminga · 08/04/2021 15:40

Omg, this is totally unacceptable. I’d be calling a solicitor and the police! How dare he betray you like this. Absolutely disgusting. I wouldn’t ever be able to trust him again. And I’d definitely not be having a child with the creep. I could not love someone who did this to me.

ShaaaaaalAhLah · 08/04/2021 15:40

What the Actual F* did I just read?!
How dare him! The cheek of it, and to justify it with he gave you a different name to protect your identify, well which part of protecting you and your dignity is not included in your identify?

His got so issues, some serious issues. Who in their right mind likes to share their partners nude pictures online with other people?

The first thing that comes into my head, his probably enjoying watching other peoples nude images online too! That's awful!

I feel sorry for you, but you need to sit him down, get access to that account, delete those images/account. Get hold of his phone, image access etc and delete all your photos. And then delete him out your life. You are better off without him, today his showing your nudes photos online, tomorrow his going to be doing worse. Don't let it damage your life further.

Sending you lots of love and compassion.

howmanyhats · 08/04/2021 15:40

No, this is not OK. He's totally betrayed your trust. He sees you as an object or a possession, not a whole human being he respects. I'm sorry.

And once those images are out there, they may be shared on and traded.

There was a program on this on BBC last night I haven't had a chance to watch it yet, but it might give you an idea of the issues involved.

www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p09bljg9/when-nudes-are-stolen

Branleuse · 08/04/2021 15:40

go to the police. This is illegal as well as immoral

Hankunamatata · 08/04/2021 15:40

Wow total violation. Does he realise if you can see your face then employers could find them

Fyredraca · 08/04/2021 15:40

You need a divorce. That's fucking appalling.
Please don't have a child with this creep

Tinkling · 08/04/2021 15:41

Now you LTB.

That is disgusting. He is abusing you. This is CRIMINAL BEHAVIOUR. You can have him arrested right this very second. He would be prosecuted. He would go to prison and be added to the sex offender register. That is how serious this is.

Imagine if you had a child with this man and he did the same with your children! Fucking hell.

ShaaaaaalAhLah · 08/04/2021 15:41

identity not identify

FireflyRainbow · 08/04/2021 15:41

True. I'd rather my partner cheat than take naked pictures of me asleep and put those and other naked pictures of me online without my knowledge, where there will be forever, for everyone and anyone to see and likely masturbate to. OP what are you going to do? So sorry this has happened to you. I'd be reporting it to the police if anyone violated me like that.