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Original poster

He shared private pictures online

607 replies

feelingexposed · 08/04/2021 15:32

Hello, I am actually very embarrassed to post this but needed to know if its happened to others and get some advice.

My husband has been taking pictures of me in private for years, sometimes sneaky ones other times he asks me to let him. As you can imagine i am in various stages of dressed in them, usually not at all. I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing.

This was okay until last week, some stranger messaged me on FB and was saying pervy comments and then sent me a picture of myself, fully nude asleep. I flipped out big time and asked him where he got it. Apparently he got it on an image sharing site when men share pics of their wives. I blocked the person and rang my husband immediately. He was really panicked and told me the whole story.

For the past 2 years he has been sharing my pictures on forums and websites specifically for unaware wives, he says he really enjoys it and it helps him de-stress and get off. He then said he has never shared my details and gave me a fake name (as if that made it okay). We have been trying to have a child for a number of years now and he claims it helps him manage his EJs. He said he never meant to hurt me and he is really sorry i found out.

What on earth do I do now? hundreds of men have seen these pictures and I love my husband so its really hard to make any decisions or talk to him right now. AIBU or is this justified? he has never cheated or anything like that.

Help

OP posts:
workshy44 · 08/04/2021 15:53

He didn't even care enough to hide your face, people you know will have seen these photos. I'm sorry but I would be calling the police. I cannot believe you are even considering staying with him
Are you INSANE !!!!!

ButIcantsitonleather · 08/04/2021 15:53

I am genuinely shocked by this. How dare he?

I couldn’t stay in this marriage. What an appalling violation.

Parkandride · 08/04/2021 15:54

This is horrendous, I'm so sorry Sad
As other have said I'd rather my DH cheated than this, I can't see how you could stay with him

TheDogsMother · 08/04/2021 15:54

This would be the absolute end for me and I would report him. I'm so sorry this has happened to you OP.

proopher · 08/04/2021 15:54

I would without a doubt be reporting him to the police. This is the most shocking, appalling thing I've ever read on this site, I think, with regards to relationships.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

LadyEuphemia · 08/04/2021 15:54

That’s LBT (and call that police) territory.

You do understand if they found you on Facebook, it really doesn’t take much to find out where you live? I don’t for one minute believe that the photos are just temporary it’s not how the internet works. Reverse image search that photo and see how many sites he’s posted it to. I bet it’s more than one.

I am so sorry this has happened to you Flowers

Twistered · 08/04/2021 15:55

What the actual FUCK

do not tell me you are even questioning this and buying his excuses? Like who even has an excuse for that.

He's a creepy rapey abusive monster and has put you at risk to the point where another one of these creepy rapey bastards has contacted you.

Phone the police and get a divorce. No brainer.

jessycake · 08/04/2021 15:55

These pics are out there forever , and you have no idea who has viewed them , and he is only sorry you found out ? This is sexual abuse and there is no excuse , you were not a consenting adult .

Houseofvelour · 08/04/2021 15:55

First off, this is a crime so I would report him to the police.

He has completely violated you.

I 10000% would divorce my husband if he ever did this. No ifs, ands of buts.

He is a disgusting, perverted cunt.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 08/04/2021 15:56

@Whatevaminga

Omg, this is totally unacceptable. I’d be calling a solicitor and the police! How dare he betray you like this. Absolutely disgusting. I wouldn’t ever be able to trust him again. And I’d definitely not be having a child with the creep. I could not love someone who did this to me.
This^. Love cannot exist without trust and you can never trust him again.
trevthecat · 08/04/2021 15:56

This is awful. You need to go to the police. I'm horrified for you. Please don't stay with him

Oneeyeopen · 08/04/2021 15:56

He's a disgusting human.
I'm sorry for you. I could never trust the man again.

3babylady · 08/04/2021 15:56

Omg I'm so sorry this has happened to you I wouldn't even know where to begin. I just can't apologise enough that this has been going on by someone you have trusted, this is truly horrendous, and if as non consensual as you have stated then it's also a crime.
I can't believe this happens!
In what world would he think it's okay to do this to you to 'De-stress' it's completely disgusting I hope to god you can get all the pics removed and remove him from your life while your at it what a complete betrayal of your trust and confidence.
Thanks

Twistered · 08/04/2021 15:57

This is one of the worst things I've read on here and that's saying something!
I'd rather be cheated on.
There's just no way forward from such a violation.

TheMamaYo · 08/04/2021 15:57

I won’t normally agree when people say LTB, or call the police for frivolous things. But this?! It’s not frivolous, it is disgraceful. I would call the police on his arse so quick. Before he gets the chance to clean his tech. God knows what other footage he has shared of you.

frazzledasarock · 08/04/2021 15:57

The pictures get deleted except what these creepy men save?

And how many of these creepy men do you think have saved pictures of you in states of undress?

And how many of these men shared your pictures further?

You’d be out of your mind to stay married to this pervert and utterly insane to have a child with him.

Divorce the fucker. Report him to the police for taking pictures of you and sharing them on the internet.

I can’t believe you’d want to remain in a relationship with someone who’s turned you into wank fodder for weirdos on the internet.

WisnaeMe · 08/04/2021 15:57

@Thesearmsofmine

Leave your husband and report him to the police.

I absolutely agree ...

Police.. now

Mellonsprite · 08/04/2021 15:57

This would be relationship ending for me.
I would also question if they are temporary too, I think you need to get him to delete them all in front of you, from every device.
I would also question whether there’s more you don’t know about?

KoalaOok · 08/04/2021 15:58

I would call the Police and not stay in the same house as him. As PP have said this is unforgiveable.

ButterflyHoneyPot · 08/04/2021 15:58

This is illegal, you can report him to the police if that is what you wish. I’d never get over that.

DeRigueurMortis · 08/04/2021 15:58

@LadyEuphemia

That’s LBT (and call that police) territory.

You do understand if they found you on Facebook, it really doesn’t take much to find out where you live? I don’t for one minute believe that the photos are just temporary it’s not how the internet works. Reverse image search that photo and see how many sites he’s posted it to. I bet it’s more than one.

I am so sorry this has happened to you Flowers

As above.

It's utterly unforgivable.

Firstly gaslighting you into taking pictures in the first place (given you were reluctant), then taking picture last when you were sleeping.

For that alone I would say LTB...but sharing the pictures online. Angry

There's no excuse.

It's total violation of not just your trust but your safety.

Kick him out and call the police.

RandomMess · 08/04/2021 15:59

OMG I would be reporting to the police and divorcing.

I could not forgive that, all those men wanking away over photos of me including at taken without my permission.

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

WisnaeMe · 08/04/2021 15:59

I feel so sick for you 🥺

SaltyAF · 08/04/2021 16:00

I think you have a duty to report him. If you're the only woman he takes 'sneaky' pictures of before posting them online now, I very much doubt you'll be the last. There's no way I would have children with this creep.

Deathgrip · 08/04/2021 16:00

Honestly how dare he do this to you? And then he’s still trying to justify it and excuse it - destress? He’s fucking repugnant.

There are two separate issues here: 1) taking photos without your consent (not “sneaky”, illegal) and sharing them and 2) that he’s getting off on other men wanking to your images without your consent, and to other women having the same done to them. Both of these show you exactly what sort of man he is.

A partner once took video of me I didn’t know about, but during sex but while I was getting dressed. He never would have shared it as he was far too jealous for anyone else to see me naked. He told me about it later as is it was a compliment.
Men like this - the voyeuristic ones who don’t give a fuck about your consent - are dangerous and I guarantee that if you open your eyes and look this will not be the only unhealthy thing about your relationship. This is the tip of the iceberg.

I would be concerned about hidden cameras. Get him out and then be careful about where you dress and undress until you can check everywhere.

I’m so sorry that this is happening, but please listen to his reaction - he doesn’t really think he’s doing anything wrong because the arousal he gets from it is more important to him than your consent. Really think about that.

I would also be insisting he shows you this site so you can report it to the police (although I wouldn’t look too closely or tell him that’s what you’re going to do). All of these men should be prosecuted and their partners made aware.

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