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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He shared private pictures online

607 replies

feelingexposed · 08/04/2021 15:32

Hello, I am actually very embarrassed to post this but needed to know if its happened to others and get some advice.

My husband has been taking pictures of me in private for years, sometimes sneaky ones other times he asks me to let him. As you can imagine i am in various stages of dressed in them, usually not at all. I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing.

This was okay until last week, some stranger messaged me on FB and was saying pervy comments and then sent me a picture of myself, fully nude asleep. I flipped out big time and asked him where he got it. Apparently he got it on an image sharing site when men share pics of their wives. I blocked the person and rang my husband immediately. He was really panicked and told me the whole story.

For the past 2 years he has been sharing my pictures on forums and websites specifically for unaware wives, he says he really enjoys it and it helps him de-stress and get off. He then said he has never shared my details and gave me a fake name (as if that made it okay). We have been trying to have a child for a number of years now and he claims it helps him manage his EJs. He said he never meant to hurt me and he is really sorry i found out.

What on earth do I do now? hundreds of men have seen these pictures and I love my husband so its really hard to make any decisions or talk to him right now. AIBU or is this justified? he has never cheated or anything like that.

Help

OP posts:

WantingAnother · 08/04/2021 16:07

Please report this to the police OP, it’s the sickest thing I’ve ever heard of and I feel nauseous just reading your post. I can’t believe he would even do this to you, surely you must know this is THE END. There’s no going back from such a despicable act. Please call the police asap

Candyfloss99 · 08/04/2021 16:08

Thank goodness you didn't her pregnant. The man is a total creep. Gather evidence and go to the police. Then to a solicitor.

thethoughtfox · 08/04/2021 16:08

Pornographers will systematically trawl these websites for images and upload them everywhere they can.

Mumoblue · 08/04/2021 16:08

I’d be straight on to the police, personally.
The utter disregard/contempt that uploading those pictures shows your husband has for you would be completely unforgivable IMO.

Wishing you all the best in getting away from this creep.

proopher · 08/04/2021 16:08

I have so many more things I want to say but I just can't formulate the words.

What do you do for a job? Might this effect it?

He's betrayed you in the absolute worst way possible.

whatevenissleepanymore · 08/04/2021 16:08

This is seriously one of the most disturbing threads I've ever read on here.

Divorce divorce divorce! Totally unforgivable in my eyes!

proopher · 08/04/2021 16:09

Affect*

shivawn · 08/04/2021 16:09

Holy fuck.......this is next level awful.

I'm so sorry OP, I can't even imagine.

DamsonTrousers · 08/04/2021 16:09

It’s actually the most shocking thing I’ve read on here and I’m not easily shocked. I’m actually angry on your behalf. Please please do as everyone above has advised.

DeeCeeCherry · 08/04/2021 16:09

I didnt like it but let it slide because I thought all hubbies do that kind of thing

No, OP. You didn't think that, it's a cop-out. I bet you kept it to yourself didn't mention it to a good (married) friend, because you knew your man was a wrongun. No doubt it didn't ever come up naturally in conversations with friends either because, it's not natural.

& You must have wondered what he was doing with all those photos, but you didn't delve.

Sometimes there's a need to just admit self-esteem and boundaries and awareness/safety need working on.

If you want to stay with him then do that. But to pretend to be 'ok' with something you are not, is your decision.

Photos on the internet are there forever. & That's without taking into account men who will have separately downloaded photo, as you've now discovered.

& This is actually a crime, as it stands. Also taking into account he's enabled a stranger wanking over your photo to be able to contact you directly.

RunHobbitRun · 08/04/2021 16:09

Personally there wouldn't be a way back from this for me.

I'd make it clear the relationship was over and I'd be reporting to the police.

My husband would hate the idea of other men seeing more of me than is publicly presented...he'd probably leave me if I started sharing intimate photos online even if anonymously and for my personal gratification.

Please don't let your husband wheedle you into staying with him and bringing children into the world.

RiverSkater · 08/04/2021 16:10

OP, I'm so sorry this happened. Your DH let other men get their rocks off looking at naked pictures of you and he finds it relieves his stress and gets him off?
This is disgraceful of him.

Never mind what pictures of other unassuming women he is likewise leering over and treating as a sex object.

Lie others say, how could you continue to be married to such a person?

Original poster

feelingexposed · 08/04/2021 16:10

@BrimfulOfBaba

Also OP - just so sorry you're dealing with this. Do you have a friend or family member who can support you?

I really really don't want anyone else to know. This post is the only time I have said anything to anyone apart from him.

I have seen the site he posted me on and it is "temporary" and puts the viewers IP address as a watermark on the image to prevent resharing. He used several reverse image search sites to prove they aren't findable online except that one facebook picture which I have now deleted. He also showed me his profile with the fake names.

In our 10 years together this is the only bad thing he has done, he has been perfect and loving in every other way. He keeps saying that the stress of not being able to conceive is what started this because he felt his "sperm was failing and somehow having other men c*m for me helped".

I don't know what to do, apart from this one thing we have had a perfect live together to the envy of all our friends, I also really relay on him financial and he founded my masters. At no point has he ever thrown that in my face. I know what he did was really evil but I don't know if i can throw away 10 years and start again :(

OP posts:

FlyingBurrito · 08/04/2021 16:11

That's pretty shocking.

I'd be concerned that the person who contacted you on FB actually knows you or some of your info. How could he link a picture of a sleeping naked woman to a proflle photo on facebook? That sounds very unlikely, are you sure your DH hasn't been giving out your name as well?

Have you checked the website to see what other photos of you are out there?

VenusTiger · 08/04/2021 16:12

He's sorry you "found out" WTF!!

I hope he at the very least pixelated your face OP.

This is unforgiveable.

Elbels · 08/04/2021 16:12

He's sorry you found out. He's not sorry he did it.

He has violated you in the most intimate way and I can't imagine ever forgiving a man who did this to me. He doesn't get to control who sees you in a sexual way. I too would suggest the police.

There would be no relationship left and I can't imagine trying to conceive a child with such a man.

FlyingBurrito · 08/04/2021 16:13

Sorry, we were typing at the same time, I see you've answered my questions

shouldistop · 08/04/2021 16:13

sperm was failing and somehow having other men cum for me helped*

Pathetic excuse thought up on the spot. He's a pervert who gets off on using your body without your consent. And what's worse, he gets off on other men doing the same to you - his wife.

trevthecat · 08/04/2021 16:13

How on earth could you stay? How could you bring a baby into this? What if he takes photos like that of the baby? Clearly he has boundary issues. He has abused you. He has broken the law.

Dressinggownchic · 08/04/2021 16:13

You would not be the envy of all your friends if you were honest. Your husband is an abusive pervert.

thenewduchessofhastings · 08/04/2021 16:13

@feelingexposed

There is absolutely no justification for this.Had if not been for the pervert who messaged you you wouldn't have known.

Ask yourself if you haven't blown his cover how many more photos of you would have ended up on the internet?;would it have stopped?.

I'm sorry but he needs to face the consequences of what he has done.You need to report this to the police.

Mumoblue · 08/04/2021 16:14

Honestly OP his reasoning is so gross.

Do not trap yourself because of sunk costs!
How could you ever trust him again, knowing what he did?

Crazycatstory · 08/04/2021 16:14

“He is really sorry I found out”. Not he’s really sorry he’s been a totally pervy wanker, violating your trust and showing a bunch of random pervs pictures of you at your most vulnerable. No, just sorry you found out.

What a prize. Please report this to the police (after kicking the bastard out).

ginghamtablecloths · 08/04/2021 16:14

This is a massive violation of trust and I don't think I could ever get past it. For me the relationship would be over.

Crowsaregreat · 08/04/2021 16:14

Ask if he'd let you take pictures of him to post. No, actually take pictures of him without him realising then post them then let a stranger tell him you did it in a few years time.

No coming back from this. Massive violation.

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